6 Months of Change

6 Months...

Yikes...

How did I let it go this long??

Hello, welcome back to my blog. I've thought about this place a lot over the past 6 months and to say that there has been nothing to write about would be The Biggest Lie of the Century. But I just never got the writing bug. OR if I did, I just didn't think I should take the time to write when there were a million other things to do.

I decided I needed to stop waiting and provide an update. (Note that I wrote this post about a week ago and waited to post it until I could get some pictures up. In that week we had the most devastating blizzard in South Dakota history and because this post doesn't mention that at all, I wanted to explain why. Hopefully I can post about that mess soon because it would be an interesting one for sure...no electricity for 6 days, living in a cabin with my parents for that period of time, still no running water in our house...interesting eh?)

 

Ava turned One in May! I will try to post pictures because I loved how the party turned out. We did a vintagy tea partyish type thing. A lot of our family members came to Wyoming to celebrate and we had a grand time.

 

 

Jayden turned Three in September! I took almost 0 pictures. I did capture some video though! But the video is on the video camera and I haven't a clue of how to put parts of that on here. Sooo, no bloggy pictures or video but it was also a grand time. We did a Curious George theme and it was our first celebration in our new home.

And on that note, we have moved! Officially we moved at the end of August. That's definitely a blog post of it's own that I hope will get written one day because so much thought and prayer went into this move. I want to remember why we did this. We decided to return to our hometown of Rapid City, South Dakota and it is Awesome!

DJ is no longer working in college football. His last day was July 31. And this is a good thing. This will be covered in the future "Moving" post because it plays a large part in the "Why" aspect of the move. He is now working at a local sporting goods store as a sales associate and loving it. The company is amazing. The people are nice, fun people. And most importantly, the schedule allows a lot of family time. We love it.

Do we miss college football? Yes.

Do we miss the sacrifice that it requires? NO.

We have started a new healthy eating plan that is inspired by the Paleo lifestyle. Ultimately I would like to see us eating strictly Paleo but right now we are a gluten-free household. We are a little over a week into this (and it was admittedly put on the back burner during the Blizzard, but we're ready to get back to it!) and it's an adjustment for sure but not as much as if we were doing Paleo full force right away, i.e. no dairy, no grains of any kind including rice or corn. I tried to do that for the first day of this journey to Health and felt like I was being Tortured. I couldn't handle that much restriction and change to my diet so quickly. So we cut it back to just gluten and that has been much easier because there are so many gluten-free products out there these days. It's pretty awesome actually. I think we have already significantly increased our veggie and fruit consumption. We have definitely decreased the processed foods that we are consuming because, well, they are no longer in our cupboards! We still have a few items that are processed but we purchase them Very Intentionally. In other words, no sugar (or if something IS sweetened then it should be with fruit juice), no gluten, very few ingredients, and organic. So far, we are all doing great and I am excited to see where this journey takes us, both in our health and in our attitude about food.

I am still working for the same company from our new home. To say that this job is a blessing would be an understatement but truly that is what it is. This company has taken care of me for 7 years now, through 3 moves, and I am so grateful that God knew what he was doing when he nudged me in the direction of this company and not another one 7 years ago in my college apartment. I love seeing how God used that decision in my life over these past 7 years.

Jayden started preschool which is a great place for him but it's taking time for him to adjust. Ava is in a new home daycare which is taking time for ME to adjust. We are still looking for a church to call our own but God will lead us there in His own time. I miss my Bible Study ladies and hope to find a new group soon. We still haven't sold our house so we are living amongst rental things (a fully furnished home on my parents' property) and half of our stuff is still sitting in our house's garage in Laramie. We left one of our cars in Wyoming since we didn't want to drive separately to South Dakota while hauling a trailer but my inlaws are gracious enough to let us use one of their vehicles.

So much Change.

So much New.

But let me tell you, Life is Good. We couldn't be happier among family. We couldn't be happier together with DJ around so much. The last 6 months has brought growth, unity, laughter, happiness and faith.

So Thankful.

Parenting Practices - Part 2

And so continues Part 2 of Parenting Practices that "former self" PK (pre-kids) would have raised her eyebrows in wonderment at...

TV Watching and Other Electronics: Rated No Big Deal PK

So this practice has developed in phases...

Phase 1 - Pre-pregnancy - I only know that I thought watching tv, playing video games, etc was no big deal for kids because (1) I love tv and I was a kid once and I turned out fine, (2) I remember having no qualms about letting kids that I babysat watch tv and the big one ---> (3) I never had any reason to research the pros and cons of sitting in front of the tube for hours upon hours.

Now, Phase 2 - Pregnant with child #1 - All of a sudden I was ANTI-TV 1000%. I was reading all sorts of things about the horrible effects of television on children under 2 so of course, child #1 was not going to be watching any tv. (I will say that I didn't really start doing anything about this until I felt he was more aware of his surroundings - maybe around 4-5 months.) With child #1, he did not get to watch tv ever until around the time he turned 1. (Funny story though, he somehow started **miraculously** knowing who Elmo was...so I have always wondered who it was that let him watch Sesame Street...lol)

Phase 3 - See Phase 1, #1 above, specifically the first part. I remember thinking, "Well, he has to know who the Bernstein Bears are! I love the Bernstein Bears! Oh and Little Einsteins is educational! I want him to love music!" And so on and so forth... But I would still limit it to about 1 show every day or so. I also was not keen on other people letting him watch tv since I wouldn't have any say on the type of show it was. I was very intentional about what shows I would let child #1 watch. I wanted (and still do) the shows to be positive with good lessons built into the story line. Also if they were educational that was a big plus.

Phase 4 - Pregnant with child #2, husband is working A LOT and/or I need a shower... - TV has become somewhat of a babysitter, as much as I hate to admit it (seriously, I'm squirming in my chair...). When I need child #1 to be occupied consistently with almost no chance of him moving from his spot on the bed/couch, I put his favorite show on. I am still very intentional about what shows he watches and I try to make sure the messages are all positive but he admittedly watches way more tv then I ever thought he would at this age purely out of convenience. It's still limited to 1-2 shows/day or 1 movie on "special" occasions (special meaning any situation I need a little longer time to complete whatever it is I'm doing...). It's not that I feel like this is somehow making me a bad mother or he's going to have problems but I just want to set a standard of "high activity" in the house and not a standard of "laziness" where we are always sitting in front of the tv. Basically I want to create good habits.

Current Phase - Similar to Phase 4 but now child #2 probably gets more tv viewing in then her older brother did at her age. She's never really just sitting in front of the tv left to watch it and she certainly never watches tv alone (it's always because older brother is watching something). But I feel like overall we have come to a good place - not too extreme in either direction of the tv watching spectrum. We don't just leave the tv on with whatever show is on to let little eyes take in whatever the world has to offer. But we also don't prohibit any and all television which helps this mom get things done, like making dinner. And if I feel like child #1 is becoming too dependent on watching tv then I just leave it off for a few days and "reset his clock" so he's not asking to watch tv out of habit.

The electronics aspect was added to this post later only because I didn't feel it needed a seperate section. It closely relates to the tv watching in that it started out at 1, on a scale where 1 is not allowed at all, and has slowly moved up the scale to where it's at now which is about a 3-4. We let child #1 play on the iPad or my phone which has puzzle and coloring games on it. Again I try to limit this to an hour throughout the day, at most. If I feel like it is becoming a habit to just go to the iPad and play on there instead of choosing other toys or activities to play with, then I scale way back again to get out of the habit. I do notice that if child #1 has had to much tv/electronics time that his mood starts to suffer and he doesn't listen or behave as well. So that's my motivation to turn it off and get us all doing something active and engaging!

Diapering, Babywearing and Solid Foods - Rated as Not Even Thought About because...why???

I decided to cloth diaper when I was about 5-6 months pregnant with child #1. I also discovered babywearing, as in the use of wraps or other sorts of slings to "wear" a baby, when I was at the end of that pregnancy or right at the beginning of the newborn days. And solid foods was something I researched as I got further in my "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" book and it become more pertinent to life as we knew it. All of these things were decisions that were made almost instinctively - it just felt right. Cloth diapering made financial sense too. Being an accountant, it was kind of hard to ignore that. Babywearing was convenient and a way that I could keep my baby close when out and about and wanted to keep wandering, germy hands away. This was especially nice with child #2 who I had "out and about" much quicker than child #1. With child #1 I just did not like putting him down. Unless he was sound asleep after driving somewhere and looking quite comfy in his carseat, I liked holding him and since he became a fairly large baby quite quickly, this saved my arms when I was holding him at functions/parties. I did try to wear him once when I was walking every day but in that case, I found the stroller to be much more useful. I didn't like huffing and puffing next to the other moms who were otherwise enjoying their walk as they pushed their smooth gliding strollers. With child #2, she lived in the wrap for her earlier months and it was a heaven-sent blessing because I was running around after a 20 month old who needed constant attention and we often went outside to let loose the pent-up energy. As child #2 has gotten older, I've had less of a need for the wrap and will often put her in the stroller and let child #1 walk. Child #1 almost never goes in the stroller anymore but if we're in a situation that requires it, then I just put child #2 in a wrap. I never bought a double stroller.

Solid foods is something that is a little interesting. I assumed baby food bought in a jar was the way to go PK. Wouldn't have had any other reason to believe otherwise. Then I heard about making your own baby food so that became something I was a little interested in. Then I heard about BLW (baby led weaning) and, after attempting to feed child #1 purees, realized this was the way to go. Child #1 did not like purees and I found it to be a bit of an inconvenience. I mean, why go to all the hassle of either (1) making the food or (2) opening a jar only to have the kid spit it all out and not ingest any of it?? Didn't seem worth it to me. PLUS I was reading in "Womanly Art" that solids aren't even necessary for the first year of life so, whoop! there went my motivation right out the window!

Continuously over the first year of life, I had people that appeared to be quite concerned that I wasn't feeding my child. But I learned to just kind of brush off the comments because I knew that it was ok. He LOVED to nurse and was getting all the proper nourishment from breastmilk so I had no reason to worry. When he started trying to pick things up with his little fingers, I started giving him minuscule pieces of food. Now, I will say that I was always very nervous about this because having never done this before nor ever seeing this BLW thing done in person, I had no clue what I was doing. So I just scoured the internet forums that supported this type of thing and hoped and prayed that my child would never need the Heimlich. There were a few instances where I thought my child was surely dying (child #1 was a gagger) and I would curse the day that I ever heard of BLW but once we made it through those earlier days, I loved it. Sure it made quite the mess as he tried to feed himself but I feel like he's such a great eater because of it. And now with child #2, I worry almost never. I'm much more confident and adventurous in what foods and food portions I give her to try. (For the record, I thought she was going to be my puree-eater so I bought a HUGE GIANT box of organic baby food, yes... in jars... but she turned out to hate having anyone put anything in her mouth. She's very much an "I will do this myself thankyouverymuch" type of girl...so the box of jarred food is still in my pantry. But she is also an AMAZING eater, much better than older brother ever was at her age.) IF there is ever a child #3, I will not be buying any baby food, even if the child does love it, because I'm a firm believer in BLW now.

Crying and Sleeping Through the Night (as it relates to an infant less than a year old) - Rated Normal and Necessary PK

This is such a controversial topic among mothers these days but because of that I am addressing it here because I want my children to know how it was for me. And I want to remember how we parented since the years have a funny way of erasing details.

As soon as child #1 was born, there was no way I would have let him cry unnecessarily. If there was something I could do to keep him from crying I would do it. This practice is one of those that was developed purely from instinctual feelings. I feel like a crying infant always has a reason to cry. They're hungry, their clothes are uncomfortable, their tummy hurts, they need to feel secure in the arms of momma, etc etc etc. Crying is an infant's only method of communication and while we as adults may think that they are crying too much, think about how much we talk in any given day! An infant has to communicate somehow and crying is it. Because it felt right in my heart, I did whatever I could to keep the crying to a bare minimum. If I couldn't stop the crying then I would research the dickens out of it trying to figure out what else I could do to help my baby. That included cosleeping (see above, child #1 did not like to be alone!), holding for naps, letting babies nurse whenever they wanted to, and giving up on the notion that they would sleep through the night when I was ready for them to. I feel like it is my responsibility to make an infant's life as stress-free as possible. Children are people and deserve respect. And, yes, they are still children with undeveloped brains (albeit developing at exponential rates!) and they don't understand this world yet. So often when I get frustrated, I try to put myself in their shoes. How would this look to them since they don't know that I still exist even though I left the room? And that has helped me in my attempt for sensitivity and patience as I address their needs.

Now, given the above sentiment, I will say that I may have been extra ultra sensitive as a first time mom to child #1's every whimper and while I don't think it hurt him in anyway, I find that I am less likely to jump at the first sound of child #2 and tend to listen first to what type of cry it is. Child #2 also has a very different temperament and is verrrrry easygoing so I know that if she whimpers a little, she's probably not going to erupt into full scale emergency cry if she's not tended to immediately. And I have found that child #2 will even soothe herself oftentimes if given a few seconds. I still don't let her cry for more than a few minutes and I can usually discern when it is a "need something" cry as opposed to a "just trying to get comfortable" cry. And speaking of "types" of cries, interestingly enough, child #2 also has an "I just got my feelings hurt" cry which is a very high-pitched, shrill cry that makes you want to cover your ears. It has actually temporarily deafened me at times and I am not kidding. Child #1 never had a cry like that although he does have a "pouty lip, giant crocodile eyes" facial expression that does the trick so, once again, to each his own...whatever works! And they have definitely figured out what works!

So that's that...for now. I may have forgotten something and in that case, I'll be back for an epilogue!

Parenting Practices - Part 1

One of the things that no one really tells you before you have kids is how you will question everything you thought you ever knew. It's probably because those people know that whatever they say won't really matter until you have kids of your own. BUT before I had kids, I thought I would do things just. like. this.. 

and I would never do that, *covering your mouth so said parent of child performing heinous deeds can't read your lips*

oh yeah, and what your kid is doing??

Abominable...

until my kid does it every day...and then? Perfectly acceptable.

I am being a bit facetious but seriously, I don't think I'm alone. Even after one becomes a parent it's still pretty common to look at another mother and wonder "what the heck is she thinking??" but then, at least now, I know to quickly remind myself that she is doing what she feels is best and it probably is the best for her child.

That's another reason no one tells you about the great "brain transformation" that occurs after you have your own child -- every kid is different and requires special treatment uniquely suited to their needs, temperament, etc...

So yeah, surprise doesn't adequately describe what "former self" would feel if she were to fast forward to see what "current self" is doing on a daily basis. It makes me wonder what my children will be thinking before they have kids. Will they remember how they were raised? Will they have developed an "oh no she didn't!" mind-set about other parents only to find themselves doing the same thing a few years later? I want to be able to remind them how they were raised and how I, as their mother, used what may seem to be unpopular parenting practices in order to parent them in the best way I knew how.

Also before I get started on my list (which I decided to post as a two part series because the post became rather long), I have to also add that even in the 2.5 short years of parenting, I have already changed my mind about certain mothering "policies". Is that bad? Maybe to former self from 1.5 years ago, but to current self, no. It's about being flexible and adequately changing to the needs of your family.

The Players in this comedy called Parenting:

 The Parents

 

Child #1 aka Jayden Noah - 2.5 years old

 



Child #2 aka Ava Grace - 10 months old

(Photo taken at 9 months old)

 

So without further ado, my current parenting practices - PART 1:
(I will be rating each practice according to what former self felt about such practices PK [pre-kids])

Breastfeeding: Unrated as I hadn't really thought too much about it until I was pregnant with my first child. If anything I would say I would have rated it as "the normal thing to do".

I really can't remember thinking too much about breastfeeding PK other than to think, oh my gosh that woman is feeding her kid right there in the middle of all those people!!!!!!!!!! How uncomfortable...poor thing...

LOL!!

I mean to former self, it was less about feeding a kid and more about the "nudity" aspect. Like, "you better cover that up!" I do remember seeing someone nurse their walking toddler in the middle of the forest once when my family and I were out rock climbing and I just tried not to stare.

As far as nursing older babies/children, I would have definitely rated that a GINORMOUS NO.

Now...I would say to each their own.

For myself, although open to the idea of nursing as long as child #1 wanted to (that is, once I reached the 6-9 month mark, since before that it was a mental, and sometimes physical, challenge to even get to the 6 month mark), I became pregnant with child #2 when child #1 was 11 months old and could only stand it another 4 months before saying "Enough!" I couldn't handle the sensation anymore given the current state of my extremely sensitive everything...i.e. boobs, hormones, personal space...15 months was the end of my son's breastfeeding adventures. Child #2 is now 10 months and I want to at least make it to the 15 month mark so I don't feel that I've given her any less than her older brother and then we'll see how it goes after that. I do think about the fact that there are MANY people out there promoting breastfeeding to at least the age of 2 (current World Health Organization suggestion) but I look at my 2.5 year old and cannot imagine how I could possibly still be breastfeeding him. I mean, ew. I don't know if it would be different if I had never stopped but I can't even really wrap my head around that because all I can think about is "ew". That's just weird to me. (Note that it only became "ew" once I actually had a 2 year old myself who had not been breastfeeding for several months. AND that only applies to ME breastfeeding MY 2 year old. I don't think "ew" when I see other people breastfeeding THEIR 2 year old...or 3 year old. Seriously. I really feel like "to each their own".)

Co-sleeping: Rated a big NO-NO in my pre-children days

This next practice lends itself naturally to breastfeeding so makes a perfect second practice to discuss. Co-sleeping in our family started out as an "accident" but has become something that I am pretty passionate about. Initially it was a way to get. some. sleep. Something that I took for granted just days before my son was born, when my one and only all-nighter in college resulted in me sleeping the entire following day to catch up. Yeah, that doesn't happen once you have kids. So you find other ways to cope. For me, that was co-sleeping. Child #1 was not a good sleeper in terms of being able to (1) go to sleep on his own and (2) stay asleep on his own. So I found nursing him to sleep was easiest and he was often held while he slept. I loved that and everything I was reading was saying that was great. (Granted I was not reading books like "Babywise" or Dr. Ferber's book - the great "cry-it-out" advocate -- or any other books out there that said that you must teach a child to sleep on his own. One of the first books I read was "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" produced by La Leche League and I can probably thank them for all these "crunchy" tendencies that have since developed.) So when it came to nighttime sleeping, I couldn't very well hold him because I become rather limp when I sleep so the next natural step was to lay him next to me. He got to eat whenever he wanted to, I didn't have to get myself out of my oh-so-comfy bed to get him when he cried (which would have been all. night. long. since he didn't like being by himself) and I hardly had to wake up to attend to his nourishment needs.

So those were the early days, but since then...I have discovered other great benefits of co-sleeping...

(1) Breastfed babies thrive in the presence of their mother and the risk of SIDS goes waaaay down. The baby's breathing becomes regulated and they often wake more frequently which helps to avoid "failure to rouse" which is theorized to be linked to SIDS. (Failure to rouse is terminology used to describe a very deep sleep when it is difficult to wake the baby - almost like a coma.)
(2) When they make little noises and you're not sure if all is well, you can just peek an eye open and see yep, they're still breathing and go back to sleep.
(3)  When they puke in the middle of the night, you are right there to turn them over and make sure they don't choke. (Yes, this has happened and I was SO glad that we were right there to attend to his needs.)
(4) There is more time to bond with the baby especially when you work full-time, like I do! This one has always eased some of the mother guilt that I have from working full-time. (A mother is always measuring the minutes she spends with her children, as if there is some chart out there that says a certain amount of minutes spent with children equates to being a good vs bad mother...)

And those are just a few of the benefits, there is much more scientific evidence that I've discovered as well but those ones up there ^^^^ are the most important to me.

Part 2 of Parenting Practices will continue mañana...that's tomorrow...

Yes I'm still here although a bit more aged

Holy moly, where has the time gone?? I have been delaying a post for sooo long because I have wanted to put up some pictures. Well, I decided the post can no longer wait for pictures.

Jayden will be 9 months old in a few days (ok, more like almost 2 weeks but it just blows my mind that he's almost to the toddler stage...) and he is changing so much every day. He laughs all the time. If he isn't laughing, he's giving me big grins. He makes all sorts of sounds that are constantly making us laugh. He growls, blows bubbles, says "mama," "dada," "bababababa," and "nana."  He has FOUR teeth. Two on the top that just came in over the past week and two on the bottom which have been in for a few weeks already. I'm pretty sure he is cutting more teeth because he's been extra fussy during the night.

He is sitting up and loves to stand up with our assistance. He loves to reeeeeach as far forward as possible to grab something and it almost makes us think he will make it to his hands and knees but then he either falls on his face (which usually doesn't phase him) or he just pulls himself back to a sitting position.

I've heard lately that the longer it takes for a baby to crawl, the smarter they will be. And I'm inclined to believe that. Jayden will look and look and look at something and take it all in before he reaches for something so it seems that his brain is working overtime to process everything around him and he just hasn't felt the need to actually go anywhere. So no crawling yet for our little baby.

Jayden is also taking his time getting into the world of solids. We have tried everything but the kid just isn't interested. And that's ok. There's no rush and I know he'll eat solid foods when he's ready. I'm just glad that he's still breastfeeding so we don't have to worry about his nourishment. He's getting all the nutrition he needs from breast milk so that puts my mind at ease.

And on that note, it's amazing how seamless breastfeeding is these days. Like it's no big deal. I think back to the early days and remember how badly I wanted to give up because it was so hard. And I remember reading how it would get better and I chose to believe what I read and now I'm reaping the benefits! I'm also glad that Jayden has never taken a bottle. For the first go around, it has been nice to do it this way. I'm not saying that I'll do it the exact same way the next time around but I really like the way it's going now. It's somewhat empowering to make your own parenting choices and know that you are doing the best you can for your child even if it's hard. And I'm glad I didn't give up.

Jayden loves to drink water from a cup though. And he really likes to be fed water from a straw. It's so cute. We even bought him his own cup with a straw. He chews more on the straw than actually drinking from it but every once in awhile he'll suck in a little water. It always surprises him and he will make a funny face.

In other news....

It snowed this week. So spring still has not sprung. Boo. I am soooo over cold and snow and ice and gray clouds that don't hold thunder and lightning.

I joined a softball team. No, I don't play softball, or rather, I never played before I joined this team. But I'm learning and thankfully, the team is not competitive. It's an all girls team and although most of the other women are, or once were, athletes (other than me), none of them have played softball in a long time so it's all in good fun. And it's nice to be a part of a team and doing something I've never done before. Even if it is a little embarrassing after dropping the 4th or 5th ball that comes my way...

DJ is in his slow season at work and it's been GREAT. He goes to work usually around 8, but sometimes not till 10. And he gets off usually around 4 but sometimes 2! And this week, we actually got to play hooky for half of a day. Since there are no dentists in Laramie that take our insurance, we had to find a dentist in Cheyenne (about 45 miles from Laramie). We each had a consultation on Wednesday and by the time we drove there, had the appointments and drove back, it would have been time to leave work pretty much, so we just made a day of it. We even went to dinner at Outback after running a few errands after our appointments. Yum, they have such good steak. So needless to say, I'm loving having my husband back after a long football season.

We've taken a couple trips since our jaunt over to DC. We went to Rapid City for a couple of weeks at the end of April and beginning of May. And we're headed back there next week for Memorial Day weekend. We went down to Fort Collins last weekend with the intention of hanging out in the green, spring-filled park but as luck would have it, the sun never showed its sunny face, so we ended up just shopping around all day. It was still fun.

And that's the news for now. I'm not going to promise pictures anymore. Because obviously those are empty promises... But I do have a ton of pictures that I just need to take the time to download and then upload. So one day...

Phoenix Pictures and Cloth Diaper Success

My mom sent me more pictures from our trip to Phoenix and I wanted to share a few. Jayden looks so big in these pictures!

Jayden got to spend some quality time with Grammy, his great-grandma Betty.

Note his adorable pair of jeans in this picture. They just barely fit over his diaper but I love them.

 I love the faces Jayden is making in these next couple of pictures. He's such a ham. Also, Papa has been told to wear a hat from now on when he works out in the hot Phoenix sun - his poor head is all sunburned from many hours getting their new house all in perfect shape. Obviously he doesn't need to be told to wear sunglasses too.

 I love this family photo.

Jayden spent some good outdoor time with Grampy, his great-grandpa Bryce. I thought Jayden looked especially big in this picture. My baby is growing too fast! In just a couple more weeks, he'll be half a year old.

In other news...

Jayden has worn a cloth diaper the last two nights with great success! No leaks! Hopefully we can phase out disposables completely now. So far the secret to overnight cloth diaper success is attributed to the new hemp inserts I just bought. They are super absorbent.

DJ installed the new diaper sprayer to the toilet in the downstairs bathroom over the weekend so we are one step closer to feeding Jayden solids! (FYI, the sprayer will remove the excess poo from the diapers once he starts eating solids.) I can't wait and I can wait. This whole parenting thing is a constant roller coaster of emotions. I'm proud of my son for being so healthy and excited for the milestones in his life but also a little melancholy that life is moving so fast. I swear I'm going to blink and he's going to be moving out. I cry so easily at commercials, TV shows, movies, etc, etc, etc that have to do with children and growing up or special moments between parents and their kids or you name it, I just get so darn teary-eyed by the simplest of things. Oh well. I love being a mom.

Random Thoughts

• In three more days, we'll be leaving this subzero, blizzardy, windy, snowy little town for warm, sunny, relaxing, big city Phoenix. So ready.
• Our trip to Phoenix may not be all that relaxing considering the list of places I want to go while I'm there, i.e. hair cut, pedicure, Ikea, natural baby stores, Target and the list goes on.
• As a natural "pile-maker", I'm proud to say that I've been able to eliminate most piles in my house. My office is an exception. There are no fewer than 15 piles currently waiting to be given a home.
• For Lent, although I have never recognized Lent before, I have decided to acknowledge it this year by not eating meat on Fridays, taking part in a devotional with DJ and giving up Facebook. I'm excited.
• I have a big picture/wall hanging project going on right now but the cold weather has halted my progress. I found some great frames at a flea market but they need spray painted and the can of spray paint clearly states that it must be above 50* in order for there to be prime spray painting conditions. I guess my wall hanging project will be on hold till June.
• I'm having some issues with my cloth diapers right now. Sometimes they leak pee, sometimes poop shoots out the leg hole and yesterday, I was very surprised that we actually had a blowout up the back! (That's not supposed to happen with cloth diapers, actually, none of this is supposed to happen with cloth diapers.) So I'm trying to adjust my washing routine since I think that's where the problem lies. And I just found out that we have hard water. That adds an extra element of challenge.
• I'm looking to buy a new baby carrier that I can wear on my back. I love carrying Jayden when I can and a back carrier would make some situations a lot easier. I like the Ergos, Mei Tais and Beco Butterflies.
• I found a cookie jar at a second hand store that I went to this weekend. Last night I decided that my cookie jar needed cookies so I made oatmeal chocolate chip. But I forgot to adjust for the altitude so they're not very pretty to look at. There's some irony there.
• I haven't weighed myself lately but I can tell that I've lost more baby weight because my once tight fat jeans are now so loose that they're really not even comfortable to wear. Every movement I make sends them lower on my waist which brings to mind the now-famous song (thanks to American Idol) "Pants on the Ground". (Remember that one? Sing it with me now "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground". Yup, that's me!)
• And my last random thought that I will leave you with...today in movies, the chick flicks show women as strong and independent who are fiercely against depending on a man for anything but the movies directed at men still depict a good man as one who will fight for his woman and take care of her. There is something seriously wrong with this. Women are "told" not to depend on a man...be fierce! be independent! You can make your own way! And yet the man is supposed to fight for his woman, defend her till his last breath. Keep her safe! Bring home the bacon! Take care of your family! We are getting conflicting messages. It's interesting.

Jayden's Birth Story - Part 1

So I almost completely forgot that I wanted to write about the day Jayden was born! Oh my, I would have kicked myself later if I never wrote about it. Actually I am kicking myself because Jayden is 5 months old today! 5 months might as well be an eternity since my memory is not what it used to be but I'll do my best.

Also, let this be your warning that there may be more details here then you want to know and it's a long post. You're warned and now you may continue.

If you dare.

At 39 weeks I had my weekly appointment with Esther, my midwife, and I was 2 cm dilated and already 75% effaced, which in obstetrics terms means I was doing great! It often takes women a long time to get 75% effaced and I wasn't even in labor yet and already there (actually technically that is labor but since I wasn't having consistent contractions that were getting "longer, stronger and closer together", it wasn't active labor). I asked Esther when she thought I would have the baby and she said it could be that day or 2 more weeks! So really there was no way to tell. I was praying to God that it wouldn't be 2 more weeks. I had no intentions of being overdue. Also a concern of ours was that DJ would be out of town when I went into labor. My due date, September 7, was 3 days before DJ would head to Texas for the first away game. I really couldn't imagine what that would be like to have a less than a week old baby (or a baby that was due any minute!) and have my husband leave me. So we also discussed being induced during that appointment. If I was still pregnant the following week at my next appointment, that was probably the route we would take but it was not one that I was thrilled with. My intention was to have a completely drug-free birth and given that you have to start a a birth with drugs when you're induced and those drugs usually cause very hard painful contractions, that didn't sound promising. So my goal that week was to do everything I could to have that baby!

On September 1, I started noticing the Braxton Hicks contractions more and more frequently. That afternoon about 4:00 I decided to start timing them and making a note of the length and time between contractions. (That was weird. I remember thinking, I'm timing my contractions, which is what women do when they think they are going to have a baby. I MIGHT BE HAVING A BABY TODAY. I wasn't too sure I was up for it.) The contractions were 8 minutes apart so I texted DJ and told him that the contractions were more regular but they weren't painful yet. I didn't think he needed to come home from work. I was a little confused about the lack of pain since I thought when I went into labor, I WOULD KNOW because of the PAIN. No pain. So I thought surely this couldn't be the real thing. And yet, the contractions were getting longer, stronger and closer together. That was what they said to look for.

DJ came home from work and I started dinner. We didn't call our parents because I still wasn't sure if this was the real thing. I was still having consistent contractions but they still weren't hurting. I remember feeling like this was all so weird because I had never had a baby before and I didn't want to freak out about some little contractions that weren't even hurting. But they were getting slightly closer together and a little longer. I called Esther and told her what was happening but I said I didn't really know when I should go into the hospital because I was so confused by the lack of pain. Esther said to just continue monitoring the contractions and when they were about 5 minutes apart to come in. I figured, and I think she did to, that we would be headed in later that night.

However, we made it through the night. I remember waking up around 2 am and noticed that the contractions had started hurting a little but since nothing seemed urgent, I went back to sleep. I was really hoping to get a full night of sleep in before I had to exert my energy having this baby! I finally got up about 6 and took a shower. By 8, the contractions were 6 or less minutes apart and definitely hurting. I could still somewhat talk through a contraction but it wasn't something that I enjoyed. My body would tense up and I would just try to breath normally but I knew it was time. I just remember sitting on the couch with Maia and thinking "here we go!"

We got our things together, headed to the hospital and called our parents along the way. I remember feeling excited, a little nervous and ready. I was finally going to meet this baby that I had been growing for the past 39 weeks and 2 days!

Since we were going to the hospital during its normal operating hours, we were able to enter through normal admissions (as opposed to the night when we had the little scare when I was 36 weeks along and had to be admitted through the ER). Since the contractions weren't really that close (but close enough), again, it felt weird saying that I was there to have a baby. I mean, you always see on tv with the woman breathing really heavy and yelling that she's having a baby and someone rushes a wheelchair over to her. But in all reality, it was very calm. When I had a contraction while I was filling out paperwork, I just waited for it to pass and then continued what I was doing. Thankfully there wasn't much paperwork TO do since we had completed most of it that night we came in to the ER. And then a wheelchair did come and we made our way calmly to the room where I would labor and deliver. (I now know how great it is that we never had to leave the room we started in. I was able to make myself at home and not have to worry about being carted all over the place as I progressed through labor and then finally delivered the baby.)

At this point, time kind of moved in a blur and things progressed fairly quickly (for a first time mother). I changed into a gown, they hooked me up to some monitors to see how I was progressing and confirmed that I was, in fact, having contractions. And consistent, "good" ones they were. I remember being happy to hear that because I really didn't want to get sent home. In fact, the one time that they said I could go home and labor there since it seemed like the contractions weren't really getting much closer together (they stayed at 4 minutes apart for what seemed like a long time), I was quick to say no. If anything, that made me more determined to do everything I could to move things right along. I did NOT want to go home and have to wait any longer. Once they finished monitoring me, I declined having an IV or meds so I could do some walking. As I said before, my intentions were to have a drug-free birth so I knew I had to stay upright as much as possible to allow gravity to work its magic. I also declined a hep lock which would allow fluids to be quickly and easily administered but I knew that if I gave myself that "out" it may become too easy to take later on.

Esther was so great at giving me all sorts of ideas. When one thing seemed to stop working, she would suggest something else to help with the pain. First I walked the halls around and around and around, leaning on DJ anytime I would have a contraction. I have a feeling this was probably a little embarrassing for him and it would have been an embarassing situation for me too since I tend to be a bit shy about showing pain or being out of my comfort zone but I just buried my face in his neck and focused on breathing until the contraction ended and then we kept walking. I'm sure I looked a little funny and one of the nurses even commented that my gown was hanging funny in the back under my robe but I didn't really care. I was so afraid of the labor stopping or of it lasting forever that I was willing to do anything. And thankfully the floor wasn't all that busy at the moment.

When the walking got old and the contractions were getting stronger, we went back to the room and I tried sitting on an exercise ball. I really didn't care too much for that method. I tried it for a little while but I couldn't get in a comfortable enough position so Esther suggested using the bed and leaning over the bed when I would have a contraction. That worked for a long time and it seemed to work but again the contractions were getting even stronger and I started thinking that maybe I couldn't do this without drugs. At first, any time I mentioned pain or that I might need an epidural after all eventually, DJ was quick to offer going to get a nurse. Finally I told him that was not helping my goal of trying to have a natural birth and that I needed him to try to distract me or offer me other drug free options instead. He was so great after that and I couldn't have done it without him.

At one point Esther wanted to check how I was progressing so I got back into bed and let me tell you, that. was not. a pleasant. experience. It was so painful, worse than any of the contractions that I had been having, and it made me cry. So she promised she wouldn't check me again until I was ready to push and I don't think I would have let her anyway. I feel so bad for those poor women that get checked multiple times just for the doctor's sake or peace of mind or whatever. That was a horrible thing.

After we found out that I was about 6 or 7 cm dilated, I decided to get in the bath tub. I sat in the tub with the jets on for a good long while. That was a great place to labor and I would possibly consider a water birth the next time I have a baby because the water just makes you so weightless and relieves some of the pressure. Plus the warm water is very soothing.

After getting out of the tub, again time is a blur and I have no idea of any of the times for anything other then when we got to the hospital and when Jayden was born, but after getting out of the tub, I really didn't feel like walking anymore but I didn't want to lay down because I was afraid of labor slowing down so Esther suggested that I kneel backwards on the bed, when it was in an upright position, and hold on to the top and sink down on my heels each time I had a contraction. I would never have thought of doing any of this so I was so grateful she was there. Since we were fortunate that no one else was having a baby right then that needed her assistance, she was able to act as my doula as well. I will forever be so grateful to her. She was awesome!

At some point, I decided that I kind of felt like pushing but since this was an entirely new experience to me, I didn't know what that was supposed to feel like! I was so confused so I think part of the reason that I really didn't push all that long (only 45 minutes, which actually seems like a long time to me but since then, I have heard "horror" stories of pushing for HOURS) but anyway, I don't think I pushed very long because I started pushing before my body was fully ready. Obviously I'll know better for next time but this first time was a learning experience. At some point, my water broke. I believe it was right before Jayden's head appeared and then I remember seriously thinking that I was going to literally split apart. It's probably good that I'm writing this now and not right after he was born because at this point, I would have started going on and on about how incredibley horrible it was but now, I just remember knowing and thinking it was horrible but I don't actually remember vividly why it was so horrible, if that makes any sense. But anyway, I just know that once Jayden made his appearance, I was just so glad it was over. And thank God that the memory is biased and in this case, I only remember the good things.

Unfortunately there was some meconium in the amniotic fluid when my water finally broke, so they had to call Dr. Kleppinger (Dr. Klep), Jayden's doctor, who acts as the "neonatal care" since there is no neonatal unit at the Laramie hospital. As soon as Jayden was born they took him directly over to the warming bassinet and started working on him. I'm not sure of these details since I was still presently occupied, but I'm told they were cleaning out his mouth and trying to get him to cry. They brought him over to me for a minute and I remember looking at him and thinking, "ohhhhh. This is MY baby. But oh my gosh, I'm still in so much pain." Needless to say the euphoria of the moment did not make me forget that I still needed to deliver the placenta and be stitched up ( I had a small tear). I was still in quite a bit of pain.

I do remember however feeling so incredibly in love with DJ as soon as it was over. I really didn't think I would be weepy or dramatic about the moment and I didn't cry (DJ did which the nurses LOVED. They said they just love seeing a dad who is so into the moment and totally THERE with his wife.) But I was surprised at how close I felt to DJ. He was so fantastic through the whole delivery. He was everything I needed when I needed it and he always said the right things and I never once got mad at him. He will tell you though that at one point I attempted to strangle the life out of him. But this was completely unintentional I assure you. I was pushing with every fiber in my body and I guess I just tugged on him a little too hard at one point. I can't say I feel bad about it considering the circumstances. I was having a baby for goodness sake and I can't be held responsible for whatever I did to make it happen. (I tease of course.)

So they took Jayden to the nursery and DJ went with him. Meanwhile Esther finished up the process of delivering the placenta and giving me some stitches. Now this is the part where I was very misinformed. People have always told me and I've always seen on the birthing shows that this part is not supposed to hurt! I was supposed to be in this love-induced haze where I only had eyes for my newborn baby but hello! This was a painful hour! And I had no baby to at least partly distract me! And my husband was not there either! Definitely the second worst part of the whole process. I'd almost consider having an epidural the next time if only to just avoid all that pain afterwards.

I feel like I should probably stop here and continue later in Part 2 since this much of the story has taken me quite awhile to write and at this point, Jayden may be 6 months old before I finish. But I will finish Part 1 by saying that I am so glad that I was able to do the whole labor and delivery with no drugs whatsoever. Plus since I was good about drinking water the whole time, I didn't even need an IV. I really hope to do it the same way next time. I firmly believe that all the moving around that I did during labor helped with a natural delivery. And Esther was also a key component. I will never deliver with a doctor. I will always have a midwife. And maybe I'll even have other options next time like a water delivery. Oh and I would hope to never have to deliver without my husband there. Those three things made my delivery "magical". (I say that with quotation marks because really, delivery is anything but magical which evokes notions of fairy dust and warm fuzzy feelings. But it was magical in the sense that it is a miracle and a natural part of life that ends with the best reward a person could ever ask for.)

Breastfeeding Adventures

It feels a little awkward to have the word "breast" in a title on my blog that I know my dad and father in law may read but we're all adults right? And it IS nothing new after all. Breastfeeding is just a fact of life for millions of people all over the world and now for me too. And don't worry, I won't include any pictures on this post.

I've been wanting to write a post about this for awhile because breastfeeding was something that I was very much looking forward to before Jayden was born. I can't tell you why exactly because obviously it wasn't something I had ever done before but I think it was because I knew it could potentially play a significant role in the first year of Jayden's life and in our relationship as mother and son.

However, as far as setting myself up for success, I really didn't do a very good job.

First of all my knowledge of breastfeeding was slim to none before Jayden's birth. I attended one class at the La Leche League (I had intended to attend more but they were only held once a month and between moving from Tennessee and living in Rapid City for a month, I was only in town for the one meeting before Jayden was born.) and started reading a book written by La Leche League International (a very informative book that I would recommend to new breastfeeding mothers, FYI). Other than that I figured I would just, well, figure it out!

Secondly, a lot of the breastfeeding resources will tell you that you need a solid support system in order to be successful in breastfeeding for an entire year. I had some friends who breastfed their kids but they were not very successful past the first few months. The topic of breastfeeding never really came up with other friends that had kids. In fact, it's interesting that the whole topic really isn't discussed that much. Especially now that I know more about it and have learned just how prevalent it is in other cultures. And besides friends, I also never discussed the topic with my own mother or mother-in law. Again, not really something that came up over coffee. So I was 0-2 on the preparation front.

But in spite of the lack of preparation, breastfeeding has been successful. Jayden hasn't had a drop of formula and only one time has he had a bottle. And if you haven't noticed from the pictures, he's growing fine, more than fine really. He's off the charts.

(Regarding that one bottle, during the first week, when Jayden was still trying to figure out how to latch on and I had a TON of milk meaning that it made it even more difficult for him to latch on, he would understandably get so upset. Oftentimes this would happen in the middle of the night so one night, much to my dismay, we decided to feed some pumped milk to Jayden from a bottle. A major no-no because it's especially important those first few weeks that the baby only feed from the breast so there's no nipple confusion. I was so upset that we had given him a bottle that I didn't even consider giving him a bottle again until he was 8 weeks old.)

Anyway it's made me wonder why I've been successful with breastfeeding. Why, when I often give up with other less demanding situations, have I been able to stick it through with this particular thing? And I think it comes down to the fact that I wanted it to work so badly. If any of you know me well, you know that I can be stubborn. OK, I can be really stubborn. A lot of times that quality works against me, but in this case I think that's really all I had going for me. Had I not wanted it to work so badly, I don't think Jayden would have been breastfed past the first 2 weeks. It was incredibly demanding, painful and frustrating. But I kept going because in my mind, if I would have quit, I would have felt like a HUGE failure. And I just couldn't live with that, always wondering if things would have been different if I just kept going. I felt like I had to deal with the pain and just suck it up but let me tell you, it was not easy. And now I'm so so glad that I did stick with it because Jayden and I have pretty much found our groove.

(Please note that I don't blame anyone or look down on anyone or think anyone is a failure if they didn't breastfeed or didn't breastfeed very long. These are all my own personal sentiments about myself and myself only. The end.) 

Probably about 3 months in, I could say that breastfeeding was no problem. I had pretty much encountered all types of different scenarios at that point, well... except for one place. I absolutely cannot feel comfortable breastfeeding during a church service. Other women can do it. Not me. I leave church and feed Jayden in the reception hall where there's a couch. That would just be too weird to feed Jayden during Mass. But movie theaters, restaurants, friends' houses, family members' homes, malls, anywhere else, I've got it taken care of. In a few years this probably won't seem like such a huge accomplishment but, as my mother has often reminded me since I had Jayden, it is very unusual for me to feel so comfortable just "whipping out a boob" sotospeak, in front of anyone and everyone. (Thank you mom for reminding me that I am no longer as bashful as I once was. Childbirth has a way of doing that to a person.) And anyway, I'm all covered up for heaven's sake.

I definitely hope to share more of my experiences with others like myself, pre-Jayden, and I also hope that, because I do feed Jayden in public, it will become less of an anomaly and there will be a time when people won't even think twice about it. Honestly, the world of blogging has opened my eyes to things that I'm so glad I found out about before I had Jayden. Because others were willing to be frank about their views on breastfeeding (and other "crunchy" topics [FYI, crunchy = earthy, hippy, etc]), I was able to learn from them and in turn, make a great decision for myself and my baby.

I could probably go on and on but I will end here for now and just say that, in case you are wondering, I won't be one of those people that breastfeeds their kid till he's 4 or 5 years old. That will not be me. I may be a little crunchier then some, but I am not THAT crunchy.

My Experience so far with Cloth Diapers

I rediscovered cloth diapering (CD) a couple of years ago when I started reading blogs. Before that I knew about CD, like the old-fashioned kind, since that's what my mom used on me and my brother, but I had no idea how they had evolved since then. I have to say that I'm a firm believer in CD now. It's efficient, healthy, environmentally friendly, and most importantly, a cost saver. I think anyone can do it.

This was taken the first week that I started the diapers. He has a fitted diaper on with a Velcro cover on top. I think we started using the diapers when Jayden was about 2 weeks old. At that point, I was VERY overwhelmed at the idea of trying another new thing, but I was determined to use them since we had spent hundreds of dollars to set up our stash. I knew that if I didn't just buck up and start using them, I never would and I would be so disappointed in myself.

After the first week of CD, I was still wary about using the diapers, especially because they seemed SO BIG on my teeny little baby but it was beginning to get easier and easier. I remember one of the reasons that I didn't like the cloth diapers was because they seemed to make my baby seem so much bigger. His little newborn tushy turned into a normal size baby tushy. To my postpartum brain, that was really disturbing since I wasn't ready for him to get big yet. I laugh about that now especially because he is off the charts!

We were using prefolds, fitted diapers and pocket diapers in the newborn size that first month. I found, after a few weeks, that it really wasn't feasible to use the diapers at night because Jayden is such a heavy wetter so we changed to disposables at night and we continue to do that. It's so much easier to just leave Jayden in one diaper all night long (since he doesn't usually have a dirty diaper at night) and get that much more sleep then to have to change his diaper 2-3 times during the night. I know there are different ways to make a diaper more absorbent but right now, I am content using one disposable diaper a day.

Our routine with CD continues to evolve as we get more and more comfortable with the process. I actually find myself hurrying to put a cloth diaper on him in the mornings just so I can take the disposable one off. Jayden's skin seems to get more red with the disposables and the cloth diapers are just so soft against his skin. We also have just recently started leaving him in the cloth diapers when we go out of the house. Before, I would change him into a disposable but now we just bring a bag along with us to put the dirty diaper in. I have really found that it is no more challenging. We've also just recently purchased more pocket diapers so we use those almost exclusively. I like the pocket diapers the best because they are less bulky and easy to put on. I do laundry every other day but even that doesn't seem like a burden because it has just become part of my life.

Sure, there's a learning curve involved but after the first few weeks, it becomes second nature just like everything else involved with parenthood.

I have found that there's always something new to add to the mix, some things are new because Jayden is changing and some things are a result of new discoveries or decisions that DJ and I make as parents. The next thing I'm considering is using cloth wipes so I'll keep you posted. And after that we get to experience solid food poo. That adds a whole other step to the CD process!

One of our bumming days over our Christmas break

Jayden Milestones: Jayden is getting better with the use of his hands. He still doesn't reach for things but if something comes into contact with his hands, he'll grasp hold of it. I can tell he gets frustrated because he wants to grab at something but he just hasn't figured out how to do it yet. He hasn't rolled over again since the first two times over Christmas, but at this point, I think he may start crawling before he rolls again! He tries so hard to get his knees up under himself when he's on his stomach and sometimes he'll lift his whole lower body off the floor. We put him in his jumper for the first time this week since he loves to kick his legs when we hold him. He liked it a lot but didn't last too long in it the first time. He still needs to gain a little more control of himself I think before he will really love it.