Although my maternity leave technically started last Thursday, I still had to do some work last week so today was really the start of my leave in my mind. And I spent it getting all sorts of stuff done which was great! I love being productive!
One of the places I went was the GM dealership to get my car's sunroof looked at (it's been leaking) and I had the most unexpected experience. It really made me think about how God is always working in our lives whether we see the visible signs or not, and it sure is fun to have it pointed out in full view sometimes!
First I met a lady who turned out to have quite a fascinating story. We initially started chatting because she had a beautiful, big dog inside the sitting lounge with her and I asked her about him. He was a Borzoi, or a Russian Wolfhound but what was even more amazing was the fact that he was just a puppy (he looked full grown to me!) and he was so calm and well-behaved! So we spent quite a bit of time talking about the dog and I learned quite a bit about that breed. Now one thing I should mention is that I don't always chat up strangers especially if I start talking to them and they kind of rub me the wrong way, like if they are a little too friendly right away or too high energy, maybe you know what I mean. I start feeling uncomfortable with people like that, maybe it's from my time spent in Albuquerque where you just couldn't be too careful about the crazies out there! Well, this lady was neither of these things and so I continued chatting with her, which turned out to be a great way to pass the time because it took over 2 hours for them to look at my car and get me on my way.
I'm going to try to not let this post get too lengthy because it seems so much happened it just the short 2 hours that I spent in the waiting area. I found this lady and her adventure, as I kept calling it, so interesting. What's most interesting to me though is that this lady, let's call her Ruth because I never asked her for her name...pregnancy brain thank you very much..., turned out to be a Christian. And she was such a testimony of trust and faith. She mentioned a few times that she had no money; her car had broken down on her way from Idaho to Chicago, which was how she found herself in Laramie. She was actually taking this dog to a new family who had purchased him and they were paying her travel expenses for her to bring the dog to them. She had just purchased the car that was now broken and later we would find out after she spoke with the dealer who sold her the car, that he would stand behind his word when he had told her that the car would definitely make it from Idaho to Chicago. Well, it didn't, so he was going to pay for the GM dealership to do whatever they needed to do to figure out if it was salvageable. That was one way God was working in this unfortunate situation because there was nothing besides this guy's word that would show that he was responsible for the car's demise. The car was sold "as is" and the dealer was not to be held liable for whatever happened after the car left the dealership. This was just a good guy standing by his word. I love that.
And there's more.
The first night, Ruth stayed in a rest stop; I surmise that was because she obviously literally had no money and this was not a part of the original plan thus the rest stop was her only option. The second night though God provided her with a hotel room. She met a random lady in the Walmart parking lot (this other lady obviously realized the same thing that I did and knew Ruth wasn't crazy or at least not the kind of crazy that you need to be afraid of) and the Walmart lady brought Ruth to her home and fed her. Ruth told me that she hadn't eaten in 2 days so that was a blessing in itself. However the food didn't completely agree with her very empty stomach so she was a little wary about going another night without access to bathroom facilities (I know, a little TMI but it's a part of the story!). The lady, not knowing how Ruth was feeling but just being kind, wanted to offer to let her stay in her home but understandably her children were not comfortable with letting a strange lady spend the night with their mother, so the lady bought Ruth a room at the Holiday Inn which Ruth ended up accepting only because she wasn't feeling 100%.
And now, I will probably never know what happens to Ruth but in the short time that I got to speak to her, I learned a lot, and not just about the Borzoi breed. All this information just came out in bits and pieces as we spoke over the course of two hours and little by little I realized I was getting a glimpse into someone's life who had chosen to life by faith. I was reminded of how God provides for us even when we're at a complete loss. Ruth found herself in an unfamiliar town with absolutely no money, food or shelter and yet God was fixing her car, feeding her, housing her and guiding her along this "adventure". Ruth didn't know what was coming next but she told me that she trusted God and that showed to me the amount of faith that this woman had in our Creator and it really struck me. When I left, Ruth had also let me know that if the current car they were trying to fix wasn't fixable then they "happen" to have another car that was comparable to what she needed. Oftentimes we are very shortsighted and when something doesn't work out, we think we need to figure everything out but usually all we need to do is fix our eyes on the One who already has it worked out and knows our future and put our trust in Him. Such a timely reminder for me!
I will finish Part 2 of this story tomorrow!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Girl fun
Yesterday I received one of the most fun packages in the mail that I've gotten in a long time. These are the first of many headbands and beanies that Ava will wear in her first years. Love!!!
(I ordered these from Etsy where I've never been disappointed with the products that I've found.)
(I ordered these from Etsy where I've never been disappointed with the products that I've found.)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Jayden - 19 Months, 3 Weeks
I always get the urge to give an update on Jayden before he actually hits a nice even milestone (i.e. 19 months, 3 weeks as opposed to 20 months) but if I don't do it when I think of it, I know from experience that (1) I will forget or (2) I'll lack the motivation or thoughts when those nice even milestones come around. So here goes...
Jayden is a runner! He still often moves too fast for his little body and falls or doesn't watch where he's going and trips over something in his path but he is usually quick to pop back up and continue on his way. This morning I told him we needed to hurry, hurry, hurry (we were running late for "school") and he understood what I was saying and responded with "Nun, nun, nun" (his way of saying "run").
Jayden is getting so much better at eating a variety of foods. He will actually attempt just about anything which I'm very happy about because at least I know if he doesn't want to eat something, it's because he really doesn't like it at that moment and not because he's just unwilling to try it. He still has his favorites and "go-tos" and I'm trying to get better about offering him different things (like different varieties of vegetables) and not just what DJ and I typically like to eat. That's a hard one but frozen vegetables are a good option for that sometimes since I can just heat up what I want to give him. He also loves to drink milk.
Jayden is still set solidly in 18 month size clothes. 24 months are pretty huge unless the brand runs small. It's been nice to get some wear out of his 18 month clothes whereas other sizes we rushed through so fast that the clothes hardly looked worn when I put them away (which is a good thing but then he also didn't get to wear some really cute clothes for that long!) Unfortunately a lot of the summer clothes that I have for him are 24 months so I may have to do a little shopping soon since the weather has been so nice here already!
At his 18 month appointment, Jayden was 26.4 lbs and 31.5 inches tall. He is now in the 50th percentile for weight and 25th percentile for height. He is definitely losing the chunky look and is so "little boy" looking. My baby is officially a toddler in terms of looks. He wears size 4 diapers for day care but we are still using cloth diapers at home and actually, I haven't had to adjust the settings on them for a really long time. That should probably be on my list of things to do since his little legs are thinning out so much. We sometimes experience leaks as a result of gaps where the diapers meet the legs.
Speaking of day care, Jayden adores it there. I'm so glad even though daily, I go on guilt trips because I just have such a strong feeling that a 1 one year old should be with his momma all day and not with strangers. I'm praying that one day God gives me an opportunity for a job that allows me to be a work-at-home mom that can do work when I'm not otherwise taking care of my children and not the other way around. But the fact that Jayden seems so happy every day when I pick him up makes me feel a lot less anxious overall.
He does some of the coolest crafts and activities and I'm usually so impressed with the ideas of the teachers (or maybe it's the curriculum the day care uses but either way, I would never have thought up some of the things they do)! He does things like painting with corn syrup, playing with baby powder mixed with oil (apparently creates a cool consistency), painting pictures using trucks instead of paintbrushes, making pictures with shaving cream, and currently, making a garden on the wall. They have glued dirt to paper, made grass with their hand prints, decorated raindrops and suns with glitter and sequins, and I'm sure flowers are in the near future. He also gets to go outside a lot now that it's getting warmer and every day when I drop him off, his other little friends all exclaim "Jayden!" when he walks into the room. It's the cutest thing ever. I also really like his teachers. They are always so friendly and willing to talk to me about Jayden and what's going on with him. I love that they don't make me feel like an "inconvenience" when I ask questions or want to hear about Jayden's day.
Jayden has a few things that he is completely enamored with right now.
Jayden is a runner! He still often moves too fast for his little body and falls or doesn't watch where he's going and trips over something in his path but he is usually quick to pop back up and continue on his way. This morning I told him we needed to hurry, hurry, hurry (we were running late for "school") and he understood what I was saying and responded with "Nun, nun, nun" (his way of saying "run").
Jayden is getting so much better at eating a variety of foods. He will actually attempt just about anything which I'm very happy about because at least I know if he doesn't want to eat something, it's because he really doesn't like it at that moment and not because he's just unwilling to try it. He still has his favorites and "go-tos" and I'm trying to get better about offering him different things (like different varieties of vegetables) and not just what DJ and I typically like to eat. That's a hard one but frozen vegetables are a good option for that sometimes since I can just heat up what I want to give him. He also loves to drink milk.
Jayden is still set solidly in 18 month size clothes. 24 months are pretty huge unless the brand runs small. It's been nice to get some wear out of his 18 month clothes whereas other sizes we rushed through so fast that the clothes hardly looked worn when I put them away (which is a good thing but then he also didn't get to wear some really cute clothes for that long!) Unfortunately a lot of the summer clothes that I have for him are 24 months so I may have to do a little shopping soon since the weather has been so nice here already!
At his 18 month appointment, Jayden was 26.4 lbs and 31.5 inches tall. He is now in the 50th percentile for weight and 25th percentile for height. He is definitely losing the chunky look and is so "little boy" looking. My baby is officially a toddler in terms of looks. He wears size 4 diapers for day care but we are still using cloth diapers at home and actually, I haven't had to adjust the settings on them for a really long time. That should probably be on my list of things to do since his little legs are thinning out so much. We sometimes experience leaks as a result of gaps where the diapers meet the legs.
Speaking of day care, Jayden adores it there. I'm so glad even though daily, I go on guilt trips because I just have such a strong feeling that a 1 one year old should be with his momma all day and not with strangers. I'm praying that one day God gives me an opportunity for a job that allows me to be a work-at-home mom that can do work when I'm not otherwise taking care of my children and not the other way around. But the fact that Jayden seems so happy every day when I pick him up makes me feel a lot less anxious overall.
He does some of the coolest crafts and activities and I'm usually so impressed with the ideas of the teachers (or maybe it's the curriculum the day care uses but either way, I would never have thought up some of the things they do)! He does things like painting with corn syrup, playing with baby powder mixed with oil (apparently creates a cool consistency), painting pictures using trucks instead of paintbrushes, making pictures with shaving cream, and currently, making a garden on the wall. They have glued dirt to paper, made grass with their hand prints, decorated raindrops and suns with glitter and sequins, and I'm sure flowers are in the near future. He also gets to go outside a lot now that it's getting warmer and every day when I drop him off, his other little friends all exclaim "Jayden!" when he walks into the room. It's the cutest thing ever. I also really like his teachers. They are always so friendly and willing to talk to me about Jayden and what's going on with him. I love that they don't make me feel like an "inconvenience" when I ask questions or want to hear about Jayden's day.
Jayden has a few things that he is completely enamored with right now.
- One of them is Elmo. (And this is somewhat interesting because when the topic of Elmo first came up, DJ and I were completely confused about how Jayden even KNEW about Elmo. To our knowledge, Jayden had never seen Sesame Street and although we have some Sesame Street books, we had never made a big deal about any of the characters; we more or less just focused on the topics of the books themselves. So we've decided that Elmo is so much a part of our society that children are born knowing who Elmo is now.) Daily Jayden asks about Elmo and wants to watch a little Elmo video that we bought him. And slowly but surely Elmo has infiltrated other areas of life as well because it just makes Jayden so happy - how can we resist?? We have pajamas, stickers, books, and soon probably, bath toys because watching Elmo is pretty much the first thing Jayden wants to do in the morning and since I don't want to get in a habit of having the tv on in the mornings, I need to distract him some other way and get him ready for the day. So hopefully I can find some Elmo bath toys.
- Jayden also loves to play golf (which makes DJ very happy!) with his golf set. He calls it "whack" because that's what DJ tells Jayden to do to the balls. I love how Jayden carries/rolls around his golf bag.
- He loves to play with his sticker book that I previously mentioned. Usually there are stickers littered throughout the house of pretty much anything, i.e. food, numbers, Sesame Street characters, animals, etc. Oftentimes DJ or I will find random stickers stuck to our own clothes.
- Jayden is getting more attached to his Cookie Monster doll that he received in his Easter basket. Jayden likes to eat Cookie's face. Not really sure why other than that is a game that DJ and Jayden play where they "eat" each other. They take turns taking bites of each other and saying "yummmm". It's so cute.
- And lastly, Jayden LOVES to read books. And this makes ME very happy. Jayden likes to have books read to him but he will also look at books, especially in the car, and "read" them out loud. I LOVE hearing him talk to himself when he's "reading".
Jayden has a pretty consistent sleep schedule now. As you know, we have struggled with this for awhile and although for some people, the schedule Jayden has now would probably be torture, DJ and I have finally decided that we've come up with something that works for us (just in time for it to change again when Ava arrives, as it inevitably will...). He has a pretty set bedtime routine that starts at roughly 6:30 or so. Most nights he falls asleep within 30 minutes to an hour and then he usually ends up coming into our room sometime during the night and sleeping the rest of the night with us. He has been sleeping till about 7 each morning. He also takes a pretty good 2 hour nap every day. So finally I feel like he is getting the rest he needs and for the most part, DJ and I are well-rested too. It's truly amazing how something so seemingly natural can be such a struggle with children.
Jayden is showing more and more independence every day. It has been challenging to learn how to respond to a toddler who is learning to form his own opinions and desires. There have been many tantrums endured when this sweet little boy doesn't get his way but thankfully they are quickly forgotten by both sides when we are able to get past it. I know a day will come when disagreements won't be so easily forgotten so I try to remember that as I am watching my usually laid back little fella scream and cry. For the most part though Jayden has the best disposition and I LOVE the way his mind works. It amazes me now when I figure out what he is thinking; I can only imagine how amazing it will be when he can speak what he is thinking!
Every day I get more and more joy from Jayden. Sometimes I just sit back in wonder as I think about how wonderful my life is because Jayden is a part of it. It is hard to fathom what it will be like when Ava is a part of it as well!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Springtime in Washington
At the end of March, I headed out to Washington DC again for another training, as I did last year at this time. This time, in addition to training for myself to keep up-to-date on my CPEs, I was also busy with training my coworker who will be taking over a lot of my duties while I'm out on maternity leave. To say the least, it was a very busy week but it was a lot of fun too!
It was my first time away from Jayden though for more than 1 night so I was a bit apprehensive about that part. My inlaws came to stay for the week since it was also a very busy time for DJ. Football spring training (or whatever it's called - I think spring training is the baseball terminology but you get the idea) was in full swing so DJ was leaving early around 6:30 in the morning and not getting home till 7 or so in the evening. It was a great opportunity for Jayden to get some good grandparent time in. And boy, did it sound like it was good!
They did some golfing.
They ate good food.
They flew a kite - perfect wind for that in Laramie! (I like how Jayden is trying to figure this whole kite thing out - that face is a common one for Jayden. He is always carefully analyzing things.)
They blew lots of bubbles.
They played with Maia, or rather learned how to tell Maia "no". (Maia is our former dog, now lovingly adopted by our inlaws and not pictured here.)
And did some cooking...
and more eating, with Grandpa.
Obviously a very fun week had by all for those that stayed in Laramie.
I also made some time for some fun things while I was in DC.
I finally got to experience the Jefferson Memorial. Usually I don't make the walk all the way around the Tidal Basin to visit this memorial but this time, I decided I would.
Hi Tommy.
Unfortunately once again I missed the bloom of the cherry blossoms that surround the Tidal Basin. Every year, I seem to just miss it by days and this time was no different. But there were other trees blooming, as in the picture above, and the grass was green and the flowers were blooming too so I got over my disappointment quickly. At this point, Laramie was still brown and tan and cold.
I got to experience a gorgeous sunset at the Tidal Basin.
And then, and this was all in one night because I only had one available evening to actually see some of DC, I made my way to this little place. Georgetown Cupcakes. And for those of you who are not familiar, this place has its own tv show.
I couldn't make up my mind. Obviously. Aren't they so pretty?? I didn't eat them all though. Just the bottom left one, the top left one and the top middle one. Just 3. Oooonly 3. The rest I gave to my coworker who told me they were in fact just as delicious as they look.
And then I ended my evening here. Ahhh. A big giant soaking tub in my room which I felt my pregnant self deserved after all the walking I had just done.
So the week was a success on all fronts. I'm so so appreciative of my inlaws for coming to help while I was away and very appreciative of my coworker who is willing to take on my work so I can spend quality time with my wee little one when she arrives and VERY appreciative of my husband who didn't even bat an eye when I mentioned being gone for an entire week when this trip first came up.
And now its DJ's turn. He's headed to Vegas for a little business/pleasure trip next week, given that I don't go into labor before then of course. Miss Ava may just make an early appearance! We'll keep you updated!
It was my first time away from Jayden though for more than 1 night so I was a bit apprehensive about that part. My inlaws came to stay for the week since it was also a very busy time for DJ. Football spring training (or whatever it's called - I think spring training is the baseball terminology but you get the idea) was in full swing so DJ was leaving early around 6:30 in the morning and not getting home till 7 or so in the evening. It was a great opportunity for Jayden to get some good grandparent time in. And boy, did it sound like it was good!
Obviously a very fun week had by all for those that stayed in Laramie.
I also made some time for some fun things while I was in DC.
So the week was a success on all fronts. I'm so so appreciative of my inlaws for coming to help while I was away and very appreciative of my coworker who is willing to take on my work so I can spend quality time with my wee little one when she arrives and VERY appreciative of my husband who didn't even bat an eye when I mentioned being gone for an entire week when this trip first came up.
And now its DJ's turn. He's headed to Vegas for a little business/pleasure trip next week, given that I don't go into labor before then of course. Miss Ava may just make an early appearance! We'll keep you updated!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Becoming a mother...again
Almost a month has gone by since my last post and that is because life has been BU-SY. I have approximately one month left before our sweet Ava enters our family as a precious newborn and I have been in a race to make sure everything is ready. I feel like she could be born tomorrow and I need to be ready!
Washing laundry piles that go on forever,
organizing two little people's clothes to make it all fit in one bedroom,
rearranging furniture to make sure we have enough space to bring out all the baby items again,
cleaning the cracks and crevices that probably won't get cleaned again for another year,
training at work to make sure things are covered there while I'm on leave,
and the list goes on and on and on.
Thankfully, I can see progress so I'm not too stressed out. All this might stress someone else out but for me, a planner and organizer by nature, I am thriving on this. I've also been feeling fantastic so that's helped a lot too. I have been blessed with what I am pretty sure is the easiest pregnancy a person could ask for. I contribute it all to being more active this time around and really trying to stay as fit as possible. As a result, my muscles have stayed strong and my energy level has remained elevated (for the most part).
But as the time approaches to deliver this baby, I am starting to get a severe reality check. (Never mind the fact that I am starting to remember just what that means to DELIVER the baby...) I have spent the last 8 months in somewhat of a denial stage. Yes, I know we're having a baby. Yes, I know I am about to have 2 kids under 2. But, hey, that's all in the future and I don't have to worry about that just yet. That's the beauty of a 9 month pregnancy.
Well, hello future, you have arrived. Or just about.
And I'm starting to remember those early newborn days and I. am. getting. nervous. I remember being grateful when each stage was over with Jayden because things always got a little better, a little easier. And I didn't have to feel guilty about being grateful that a stage was over because I really feel like I took the time to enjoy them. I didn't rush, I held Jayden as much as I ever wanted, I was able to spend as much time with him as I wanted. So I never felt like I was missing out. But now I'm about to go through all those stages again. Yaaay. I hope I can love it as much as I did the first time around.
And then there's the fact that this time is about to be so much different. Yes, I know every baby is different but there are other things too.
And me and Mr. Different don't always get along so well. So therein doth my anxiety lie.
This time around, I won't necessarily be able to sit on the couch holding Ava all day long as I let her sleep and nurse whenever she wants to. I will also have a toddler vying for my attention and I want to continue to make the most of my time with him too. Difference #1.
This time around, I only have 4 short months to spend with my little girl before I have to actually take her somewhere outside of our home to be cared for so I can go back to work. Difference #2.
I will have to learn what kind of bottles Ava likes, what the best pumping schedule will be and decide when to start using a paci in order to avoid nipple confusion, because I won't be steps away to feed her myself whenever she's hungry or upset. Difference #3.
I will have twice the mommy guilt now that I am not only taking my son to daycare to be cared for by "strangers" but also my new baby who still seems way too young to be placed in an environment with strange sounds and smells and activity. Difference #4.
Those are just a few things that come to mind that I am always worrying about because I just don't know the right answers. If all I had to worry about was how is this baby going to be different from my first, I would be ok with that. I would try out the ol' tried and true techniques that may have worked for Jayden and that would at least give us a starting point. From there, well, we would just figure it out. But now I also have to figure out all those other things that I didn't have to do with Jayden and it just makes me a little sad. I feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful first year with Jayden.
Every mother, I think especially when you've already been through it at least one time, wants to do just as good if not better the next time around. And that is even more true for a recovering perfectionist like myself. I always thought that the beauty of becoming a mother again meant that you wouldn't have to learn all those things that were such a mystery before, i.e. bathing a baby, changing a diaper, washing diapers, helping baby sleep, etc. But as it becomes more of a reality that we're about to have another little human that is completely dependent on us, I realize it's just not that easy. Plus we still have little human #1 to take care of and he's still going through all new stages too.
I keep telling people who ask if we're done after this one, that if I survive #2 then we'll think about #3. But right now, I am just hoping for survival and really, more than just survival. I am hoping for happy healthy kids and parents who all enjoy living in this house together. And while that's easy to type, I know it takes much much more to actually make happen.
Now with all that being said, don't think that I am in a crying crumpled heap over here and am sitting here with knots of worry in my stomach. I'm very much a realist and know that I am not the first person to go through having a second child. Both my parents and my in laws did it for one thing and we all turned out really well, i.e. none of us are in jail or homeless. Also I know that God gave DJ and I this child as a gift and each one is a blessing and although blessings may feel like challenges sometimes, they also bring joy every single day. God is with us on this every step of the way and this child is His first. So I am keeping perspective. Don't worry. But I don't want to forget what was going through my head in the days right before Ava is born and this is the reality!
Washing laundry piles that go on forever,
organizing two little people's clothes to make it all fit in one bedroom,
rearranging furniture to make sure we have enough space to bring out all the baby items again,
cleaning the cracks and crevices that probably won't get cleaned again for another year,
training at work to make sure things are covered there while I'm on leave,
and the list goes on and on and on.
Thankfully, I can see progress so I'm not too stressed out. All this might stress someone else out but for me, a planner and organizer by nature, I am thriving on this. I've also been feeling fantastic so that's helped a lot too. I have been blessed with what I am pretty sure is the easiest pregnancy a person could ask for. I contribute it all to being more active this time around and really trying to stay as fit as possible. As a result, my muscles have stayed strong and my energy level has remained elevated (for the most part).
But as the time approaches to deliver this baby, I am starting to get a severe reality check. (Never mind the fact that I am starting to remember just what that means to DELIVER the baby...) I have spent the last 8 months in somewhat of a denial stage. Yes, I know we're having a baby. Yes, I know I am about to have 2 kids under 2. But, hey, that's all in the future and I don't have to worry about that just yet. That's the beauty of a 9 month pregnancy.
Well, hello future, you have arrived. Or just about.
And I'm starting to remember those early newborn days and I. am. getting. nervous. I remember being grateful when each stage was over with Jayden because things always got a little better, a little easier. And I didn't have to feel guilty about being grateful that a stage was over because I really feel like I took the time to enjoy them. I didn't rush, I held Jayden as much as I ever wanted, I was able to spend as much time with him as I wanted. So I never felt like I was missing out. But now I'm about to go through all those stages again. Yaaay. I hope I can love it as much as I did the first time around.
And then there's the fact that this time is about to be so much different. Yes, I know every baby is different but there are other things too.
And me and Mr. Different don't always get along so well. So therein doth my anxiety lie.
This time around, I won't necessarily be able to sit on the couch holding Ava all day long as I let her sleep and nurse whenever she wants to. I will also have a toddler vying for my attention and I want to continue to make the most of my time with him too. Difference #1.
This time around, I only have 4 short months to spend with my little girl before I have to actually take her somewhere outside of our home to be cared for so I can go back to work. Difference #2.
I will have to learn what kind of bottles Ava likes, what the best pumping schedule will be and decide when to start using a paci in order to avoid nipple confusion, because I won't be steps away to feed her myself whenever she's hungry or upset. Difference #3.
I will have twice the mommy guilt now that I am not only taking my son to daycare to be cared for by "strangers" but also my new baby who still seems way too young to be placed in an environment with strange sounds and smells and activity. Difference #4.
Those are just a few things that come to mind that I am always worrying about because I just don't know the right answers. If all I had to worry about was how is this baby going to be different from my first, I would be ok with that. I would try out the ol' tried and true techniques that may have worked for Jayden and that would at least give us a starting point. From there, well, we would just figure it out. But now I also have to figure out all those other things that I didn't have to do with Jayden and it just makes me a little sad. I feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful first year with Jayden.
Every mother, I think especially when you've already been through it at least one time, wants to do just as good if not better the next time around. And that is even more true for a recovering perfectionist like myself. I always thought that the beauty of becoming a mother again meant that you wouldn't have to learn all those things that were such a mystery before, i.e. bathing a baby, changing a diaper, washing diapers, helping baby sleep, etc. But as it becomes more of a reality that we're about to have another little human that is completely dependent on us, I realize it's just not that easy. Plus we still have little human #1 to take care of and he's still going through all new stages too.
I keep telling people who ask if we're done after this one, that if I survive #2 then we'll think about #3. But right now, I am just hoping for survival and really, more than just survival. I am hoping for happy healthy kids and parents who all enjoy living in this house together. And while that's easy to type, I know it takes much much more to actually make happen.
Now with all that being said, don't think that I am in a crying crumpled heap over here and am sitting here with knots of worry in my stomach. I'm very much a realist and know that I am not the first person to go through having a second child. Both my parents and my in laws did it for one thing and we all turned out really well, i.e. none of us are in jail or homeless. Also I know that God gave DJ and I this child as a gift and each one is a blessing and although blessings may feel like challenges sometimes, they also bring joy every single day. God is with us on this every step of the way and this child is His first. So I am keeping perspective. Don't worry. But I don't want to forget what was going through my head in the days right before Ava is born and this is the reality!
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