Moving Home

A few months ago I mentioned writing about why we decided to move again. I have some time (finally) to write about it and don’t want to put it off another second! I hope you'll notice a reoccurring theme of how God has worked in our life so thoroughly. It is difficult for me to look at this story and not see God's perfect timing.

(In a weak attempt at catching my blog up to present day, I am dispersing pictures from the months since we've moved back to Rapid City throughout this post. Please forgive the randomness...)

 

This past summer Ava went through a period of being intensely sad every time I dropped her off at day care which made ME intensely sad because she was always a happy baby otherwise. I didn't like the feeling of dropping her off, leaving her crying and knowing that she had to compete for the attention of the caregiver along with 10 other babies. Thankfully at the time I really liked her caregiver and I felt like she did an adequate job of distracting Ava and helping her not feel so sad but it still broke my heart nonetheless. Every time one of my children goes through a streak like this it makes me start thinking about ways to help them and how I can make the situation better. This time though my thoughts took a different path then they usually do. I think this is one of the ways that God showed me that something needed to change.

 

I remember sitting in my office, feeling pretty low, and different thoughts started popping into my head. First I thought about how it's an absolute necessity to make sacrifices for your children. I would argue it’s necessary in order to be a great parent. I have read articles and blogs and had discussions with other parents, both seasoned and new, and it's become a part of my belief system that parenting is one of the most selfless things you can do. Now, as with most anything, you can do a very poor job of parenting and decide that you are not going to sacrifice and everything is going to stay the same as it was before you had kids. In that case, parenting becomes one of the most selfish things you can do because you are creating a toxic environment for your child(ren). As a believer in Jesus, I believe it is my calling to be a mom therefore in obedience to God, I strive to take it very seriously. God, in his infinite wisdom, blessed us with two beautiful children and I don't take that lightly. That summer day I felt like our decisions needed to be re-evaluated after I saw my child was hurting. I knew I wanted to change things even if it made DJ and me uncomfortable in some way.

 

So what did we need to change? My next thought revolved around our current lifestyle. Ava and Jayden were in daycare because DJ and I are full-time working parents. I've thought a LOT about what that means for our family, our kids, me...and it's not simple. I won't get into the topic of working parents now but to put it simply for purposes of this story, I will just say that we didn't feel that God was telling me to quit my job for a variety of reasons. It might happen one day and I will pray that I hear God's voice clearly when that time comes. As for now, we didn't feel now was that time.  

DJ's job, on the other hand, had been taking a toll on our family little by little and we knew times were changing. The field of athletic training is intense and specifically in football, it requires 100% dedication for all parties involved. This wasn’t the first time we had discussed a change of careers for DJ. Our kids were getting older, the pressures of his job were increasing and I felt in my heart that we needed to take a hard look at where he was going with his current career. Thankfully, DJ had been thinking along the same lines so I knew God was working on him at the same time He was working on me. My thoughts started down the path of changing careers again but this time more seriously than ever before. That led to my next thought…DJ and I have always agreed we would never live in Rapid City again.

 

DJ and I moved to New Mexico for college and I feel like it was one of best things I could have done for myself. I loved the independence that move provided and it gave me a chance to really spread my wings. I loved the new culture that New Mexico offered and the new beginnings I experienced while living there. I've always had an adventurous spirit and that spirit has served us well as DJ and I lived in New Mexico for 7 years, then Knoxville, TN for 1 year, and finally Laramie, WY for 3 years. Before we were married, we were also separated at times for various reasons and I think it worked because it was an adventure. To move back to Rapid City did not seem adventurous. It seemed safe. Honestly, it almost seemed like failing. Moving back home was not in my plan. DJ would have to speak for himself and his reasons for not wanting to move back but I think it more or less was because of his chosen career. He couldn't work for a Division 1 college football team in South Dakota because there isn't one! He LOVED being an athletic trainer and when he chose that field in college, he wasn't married. Obviously kids were not in the picture. And frankly it was a good fit for him as a single, sports-loving guy. It wasn't even that bad as a newlywed couple although I think we can both look back now and say it probably wasn't ideal. But hey, what is in this life? Anyway, that was the path God put us on then and now we could feel him leading us down a new path.

A glimpse into our sleeping arrangement that we love so much.

 

The last thought that played around in my head that day in my office involved thoughts of family. Family is really important to both DJ and me. We had agreed that if his job ever moved us away again we would have to seriously reconsider his career choice because living in Laramie put us as close to our parents...our children's grandparents... as we could get in his current field of choice. When we lived in Tennessee, it was HARD. That was the furthest we had ever lived from our hometown and we felt every mile of that separation when we announced our first pregnancy, when we celebrated Christmas by ourselves, when we helped our families plan trips to come see us or any other life moment that happened while we were there. Once we had our children, I couldn't imagine adding more miles between them and their grandparents. We were so grateful that our families were willing to drive the distance between Rapid City and Laramie as often as they did while we lived there. As a result, our children were forming bonds with two sets of grandparents, great-grandparents, and aunts and uncles that they wouldn't have otherwise been able to do, even with the great technology like Skype that we had been using in between visits. Each visit reminded both DJ and I what a gift we had in our families and what a gift our families are to our children. DJ and I agreed that our priority of being close to family would dictate where and when we moved.

 

God was placing each of these thoughts in my mind I have no doubt. He was piecing the puzzle together slowly and methodically so that I would understand exactly what He wanted us to do. I feel like God also did it this way so I could explain it in a way that held meaning for DJ. This would not be an easy choice for DJ. He loved his job but he did not love what it required of his family. I laid out my thoughts to DJ later after I saw the big picture and at the same time I prayed that God would give us clarity about what we were supposed to do. The fact that DJ didn't immediately shut the idea down when I first brought it up spoke volumes to me. I suggested that we spend a week praying about it intensely and revisit the idea again after that. I knew God would be faithful to put us on the same path and if we were supposed to move then we would both know it. I also prayed that God would help me trust my husband's decision, whatever it was. If DJ said no, then I knew, it's not the right time. This was also a way for me to know if my strong feelings about moving were just a result of emotions. I certainly didn't want our family to move just because we felt like it! I've made the mistake before of making a decision based purely on emotion and it wasn't one I wanted to make again, especially for something huge like this!

During the week some interesting things happened. First, DJ's boss quit so the head trainer position was now open. This was a huge opportunity because if DJ got the job he would be able to fulfill a dream AND we wouldn't have to move far from family for him to do it, a factor we thought would be required for such a dream. So DJ decided to apply for the job. We discussed the chances of him getting the job and knew it was quite possible since he had been with the school now for 3 years, the coaching staff trusted him and he had good relationships with the players. The possibility that he could be one of the youngest head trainers in Division 1 football was exciting and admittedly overwhelming to me. After a week of prayer we decided that we would stick it out for one more season if he got the head trainer job. After the season was over we would move to Rapid City. We both felt good about that decision and even though I dreaded the idea of going through another football season, I knew I could do it if it meant DJ got to realize a dream and it would lead to an END to the current challenges we were experiencing.

 

We went home to visit our family for the 4th of July, a trip that had already been in the works before this idea came up, and broke the news about our impending move. We knew they would be stunned since we hadn't told anyone at that point about our change of heart. We wanted to make our decision without any outside influences. They, of course, were excited! We told them the actual move date was "to be determined" based on whether or not DJ got the job. Little did we know that just a few days later when DJ called in to work, we would find out that they had decided not to even give DJ an interview. In fact they were interviewing prospective head trainers while he was on vacation. To say we were shocked and hurt would be an understatement. It was an interesting conflict of emotions because in a way this was the answer we had been praying for. At that moment we saw our answer about our future set before us in full-flashing, neon lights that could have put Las Vegas to shame. The fact that he wasn’t even given a chance hurt DJ but it was also comforting to see God's hand in that decision. We prayed for clarity and God answered our prayer by giving us crystal clear clarity!

 

We went back to Laramie after our 4th of July vacation and started packing. It was surreal at best given that we had left on our vacation with no intention of moving so soon. But without a job for DJ, we had no reason to stay in Laramie. DJ wouldn’t be going through another season as an assistant football trainer and I could work wherever we were. We had packed up all of our personal belongings by the following Monday when we met with a realtor. We put our house on the market by the next Monday and I wish I could tell you it sold by the next Monday after that!

But it didn't.

Aaand it still hasn't.

But don't make the easy mistake of thinking that it means we made the wrong decision. I feel like the sale of our house is all in God's perfect plan. The reason it sells will be because God chose that time. There are factors and variables beyond our scope that we can't know about which is why I choose not to worry. To be perfectly real here, sometimes I do fall into the trap and start to worry but I quickly remind myself that it hasn't sold because it's not the right time. It will sell in God's time and that is the perfect time.

Papa and Jayden                                            Nana and Ava

Grandpa and Ava                                            Grandma with Jayden and ava

                        



DJ's last day as an athletic trainer was July 31. We had almost the entire month of August, during which time he was unemployed, to get ready to move. Unemployment may sound like a bad thing but it was actually a gift. The kids and I got to have DJ around and we all loved it. I continued working and DJ watched the kids and spent valuable fun summer hours with them. He even potty trained Jayden during that time! I think back on that time and love the memories we have of our last month in our first family home.

We moved to Rapid City in time to celebrate Jayden's third birthday during Labor Day weekend. DJ had applied for a job the last time we were in town for the 4^th of July so he finalized that process when we officially moved. At first they only had part-time positions open so he worked two different part-time jobs for a short while. (The other one was at a physical therapy clinic.) However he went from a part-time sales associate to a full-time golf manager in less than 3 months! So he didn't need the other part-time job for long. Now if that doesn't have God written all over it, I don't know what does! The fact that he now has a full-time job is fantastic but the fact that it's in a golf-related sales position is absolutely God's design. DJ's passion has always been golf for as long as I have known him and we've even discussed other golf-related careers he might pursue over the years but little did we know what God had in store! We feel truly blessed because he left a field that he loved and he was given a new job that he is learning to love as well. The company he works for is the polar opposite of college football in terms of priorities and work ethic (all in good ways!) and we cherish the family time that we get to have now. He works one evening a week and every other weekend and to some that would seem burdensome and a negative aspect of the job, but I look at it as a huge blessing! He works ONLY 1 night a week and ONLY every other weekend.

                                                                     Taken through the screen of my office window

 

God has taken care of the details as noted by the job that DJ has now. He has also blessed us with the family time that we wanted for our kids and fantastic child care since we've moved, which includes being watched by Grandma twice a week and Daddy once a week! I've seen other blessings come from this move as well, both for our family and for me personally, that I never could have expected when we first made this decision. I try to remember to thank God as often as I can for bringing us back to Rapid City. The move has been a life changer in so many ways. It also has shown us one way that God kept His promise that is written in Jeremiah. It is a promise that I have clung to (and will continue to do) and one that I pray for my children:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

6 Months of Change

6 Months...

Yikes...

How did I let it go this long??

Hello, welcome back to my blog. I've thought about this place a lot over the past 6 months and to say that there has been nothing to write about would be The Biggest Lie of the Century. But I just never got the writing bug. OR if I did, I just didn't think I should take the time to write when there were a million other things to do.

I decided I needed to stop waiting and provide an update. (Note that I wrote this post about a week ago and waited to post it until I could get some pictures up. In that week we had the most devastating blizzard in South Dakota history and because this post doesn't mention that at all, I wanted to explain why. Hopefully I can post about that mess soon because it would be an interesting one for sure...no electricity for 6 days, living in a cabin with my parents for that period of time, still no running water in our house...interesting eh?)

 

Ava turned One in May! I will try to post pictures because I loved how the party turned out. We did a vintagy tea partyish type thing. A lot of our family members came to Wyoming to celebrate and we had a grand time.

 

 

Jayden turned Three in September! I took almost 0 pictures. I did capture some video though! But the video is on the video camera and I haven't a clue of how to put parts of that on here. Sooo, no bloggy pictures or video but it was also a grand time. We did a Curious George theme and it was our first celebration in our new home.

And on that note, we have moved! Officially we moved at the end of August. That's definitely a blog post of it's own that I hope will get written one day because so much thought and prayer went into this move. I want to remember why we did this. We decided to return to our hometown of Rapid City, South Dakota and it is Awesome!

DJ is no longer working in college football. His last day was July 31. And this is a good thing. This will be covered in the future "Moving" post because it plays a large part in the "Why" aspect of the move. He is now working at a local sporting goods store as a sales associate and loving it. The company is amazing. The people are nice, fun people. And most importantly, the schedule allows a lot of family time. We love it.

Do we miss college football? Yes.

Do we miss the sacrifice that it requires? NO.

We have started a new healthy eating plan that is inspired by the Paleo lifestyle. Ultimately I would like to see us eating strictly Paleo but right now we are a gluten-free household. We are a little over a week into this (and it was admittedly put on the back burner during the Blizzard, but we're ready to get back to it!) and it's an adjustment for sure but not as much as if we were doing Paleo full force right away, i.e. no dairy, no grains of any kind including rice or corn. I tried to do that for the first day of this journey to Health and felt like I was being Tortured. I couldn't handle that much restriction and change to my diet so quickly. So we cut it back to just gluten and that has been much easier because there are so many gluten-free products out there these days. It's pretty awesome actually. I think we have already significantly increased our veggie and fruit consumption. We have definitely decreased the processed foods that we are consuming because, well, they are no longer in our cupboards! We still have a few items that are processed but we purchase them Very Intentionally. In other words, no sugar (or if something IS sweetened then it should be with fruit juice), no gluten, very few ingredients, and organic. So far, we are all doing great and I am excited to see where this journey takes us, both in our health and in our attitude about food.

I am still working for the same company from our new home. To say that this job is a blessing would be an understatement but truly that is what it is. This company has taken care of me for 7 years now, through 3 moves, and I am so grateful that God knew what he was doing when he nudged me in the direction of this company and not another one 7 years ago in my college apartment. I love seeing how God used that decision in my life over these past 7 years.

Jayden started preschool which is a great place for him but it's taking time for him to adjust. Ava is in a new home daycare which is taking time for ME to adjust. We are still looking for a church to call our own but God will lead us there in His own time. I miss my Bible Study ladies and hope to find a new group soon. We still haven't sold our house so we are living amongst rental things (a fully furnished home on my parents' property) and half of our stuff is still sitting in our house's garage in Laramie. We left one of our cars in Wyoming since we didn't want to drive separately to South Dakota while hauling a trailer but my inlaws are gracious enough to let us use one of their vehicles.

So much Change.

So much New.

But let me tell you, Life is Good. We couldn't be happier among family. We couldn't be happier together with DJ around so much. The last 6 months has brought growth, unity, laughter, happiness and faith.

So Thankful.

Jayden's Birth Story - Part 2

It's about time I finish Jayden's birth story. He'll be 6 months old next week. This is getting ridiculous. Next time I am writing this all out within the week of the birth.

As a side note first though... I heard about a type of photography called birth photography where you hire someone to take pictures during your labor and the birth of your child. At first it totally sounds weird but the more I looked into it, the more I like it. I would want someone that I don't know (weird, I know, but things happen in the delivery room that I don't really care to share with those close to me, other than my husband of course. I'd rather just forget some things and those close to me may decide they need to remind me and then it's awkward and I can't look you in the eye and yeah... Anyway...), someone I don't know, someone who is a professional (obviously) and knows what they are doing (of course) and won't get in the way. I would want the person to be discreet. What I love most about it is that the photographer would capture things that I wouldn't necessarily know is going on at the time and we would get more pictures of our baby as a new newborn. Plus I can look back at the pictures later and remember that day to the fullest. I just like the idea. Something to think about for next time...

So I left off last time, click here if you haven't read Part 1, with Jayden headed to the nursery and me enduring horrific pain - part 2 of the delivery. People forget to tell you about what happens after the infamous part of delivery but it's not pretty. The nurses had to push on my now very flabby stomach to get the uterus to contract and it's just a horrible feeling all around. I'm not feeling like sharing the gruesome details is relevant at this point but to give you an idea, you could probably watch a war movie which contains a lot of blood and gore, aka Saving Private Ryan. Only there are no limbs flying off, thank goodness. I didn't realize it at the time but my mom told me later (both sets of parents were waiting out in the hall, which I also didn't know at the time) that they could hear me yelling. I told you, it was painful! It took about an hour or so before I was all stitched, contracted, delivered, etc and Jayden was breathing normally. And then, they finally brought my son back to me.

Here's where the photographer would have been oh so helpful. I can't even remember when I first saw my son for the second time. I do remember that he came in with a giant orange knitted hat on and DJ told me it was in honor of the Broncos that would be starting their game shortly. I thought that was sweet but honestly, the hat was ugly. I can say that now. It's ok. It was way too big and the color was just not fitting for a newborn baby boy. But like I said, it was very sweet that DJ was bonding with his new son and teaching him early on where his loyalties should lie.

Unfortunately, because it had been a good hour since his birth, Jayden was getting to the sleepy stage again. Newborns have a window of energy right after their born when breastfeeding is best. However, we missed that window. Needless to say, my first experience with breastfeeding was disheartening; Jayden was too tired. The nurse brought in a pump a little later and I attempted to pump a little colostrum (as in like 2 measly drops) which they then fed to him using a microscopic tube while he sucked on the nurse's pinkie finger. But the nurse said even that little bit of colostrum (which for those of you that don't know is the liquid gold before the actual milk comes in that contains a huge amount of nutrients and vitamins; it's all a little newborn baby needs when their first born. God is amazing like that - He created mothers to provide just the nutrients a baby needs just when they need it.) but anyway, the nurse said even that little bit was great. Newborns have a teeny little stomach and don't eat much initially anyway.

The rest of the evening was spent with me showering (that was heavenly), the new grandparents visiting, those darn nurses coming in to do more pushing on my sensitive tummy, more attempts at breastfeeding and finally a little bit of rest. DJ spent the night on a fold-out chair that they made into a little bed, Jayden slept in his cage, I mean, bassinet (DJ would slip up and say cage every now and then. It was funny; he was obviously used to taking care of a dog, not a baby.) and I tried to sleep in my bed propped every which way with pillows. I was very sore.

That night, around midnight, they decided it was a good time to give Jayden his first bath. I don't remember why they said midnight was a good time for that but I remember they had a reason for it. I thought it seemed a bit late. That would be his first and last immersion bath until his umbilical cord fell off 14 days later. I remember the nurse kept saying that it looked like he had already had a bath because he had been rubbed down so much when they were working on his breathing earlier. He had none of the white stuff that is normally present on a newborn's skin. I've actually read that whatever that white stuff is called (I can't remember right now) is actually a really good moisturizer and babies don't need to have that washed off. I figured for this first go around, I would just go with whatever the nurses wanted to do (to a certain extent). So they said to bathe him, ok.

We stayed in the hospital a couple of nights. We probably could have gone home the next day, but I wasn't quite ready. I just needed another day to wrap my head around what was going on. DJ went into work the next day so I tried to get some rest. My mom and dad came to sit with Jayden and I for a while and since I was still working on breastfeeding, I didn't want many other visitors. I can say that the whole hospital experience was not bad at all. I've since learned that the hospital in Laramie is unique and not like a lot of hospitals. They allowed me to do a lot of things that I've heard other hospitals have "policies" against. For example,

I wasn't forced to have an IV when I went into labor;

Jayden stayed in my room almost the entire time - with the exception of a couple of tests and one night where the nurse watched him in the nursery while DJ and I got a few hours of sleep - she had my expressed instructions that he was to come back as soon as he got hungry. I did not want him getting a bottle whatsoever;

the hospital was very pro-breastfeeding - I never once was recommended to supplement Jayden with anything when he wouldn't eat right away (and when my milk didn't come in for almost 5 days);

I wasn't discharged the next day and was allowed to stay an additional night; and

during my labor, I was allowed to walk the halls, get in the tub, eat, drink and pretty much do whatever I felt like doing.

The nurses were also AWESOME. There was only one nurse that wasn't the best of the best and she wasn't even that bad. I don't even remember what I didn't like about her but I remember thinking that I preferred my other nurses that I had seen previously. They were so kind and compassionate and understanding plus it didn't hurt that they said I was awesome during the delivery and DJ was awesome too. Flattery is always nice.

I look back on those first couple of days in the hospital with great fondness and nostalgia. Almost everything about Jayden's birth was perfect for a first-time delivery. And now I know exactly how I would want the next one to go.

A couple of other things I want to remember. We chose to forego the Hep B shot until his first appointment the following Monday. I wanted Jayden to avoid any unnecessary pain his first few hours of life. He did however have to get the Vitamin K shot and the heal prick. I wanted to forego those too but DJ and I didn't necessarily see eye to eye on that. We were also able to wait to perform other "boy" procedures until his 1 week visit.

As we were leaving the hospital, I remember it was a little surreal that we were leaving with a baby. But I was excited. I was ready for the journey and in fact, felt like I had prepared my whole life so far for that moment. I didn't always know I was going to be a mom but when I did realize that was what I was made to do and to be, I couldn't wait. Of course, I was nervous but I also knew I had to take it one day at a time.

Jayden's Birth Story - Part 1

So I almost completely forgot that I wanted to write about the day Jayden was born! Oh my, I would have kicked myself later if I never wrote about it. Actually I am kicking myself because Jayden is 5 months old today! 5 months might as well be an eternity since my memory is not what it used to be but I'll do my best.

Also, let this be your warning that there may be more details here then you want to know and it's a long post. You're warned and now you may continue.

If you dare.

At 39 weeks I had my weekly appointment with Esther, my midwife, and I was 2 cm dilated and already 75% effaced, which in obstetrics terms means I was doing great! It often takes women a long time to get 75% effaced and I wasn't even in labor yet and already there (actually technically that is labor but since I wasn't having consistent contractions that were getting "longer, stronger and closer together", it wasn't active labor). I asked Esther when she thought I would have the baby and she said it could be that day or 2 more weeks! So really there was no way to tell. I was praying to God that it wouldn't be 2 more weeks. I had no intentions of being overdue. Also a concern of ours was that DJ would be out of town when I went into labor. My due date, September 7, was 3 days before DJ would head to Texas for the first away game. I really couldn't imagine what that would be like to have a less than a week old baby (or a baby that was due any minute!) and have my husband leave me. So we also discussed being induced during that appointment. If I was still pregnant the following week at my next appointment, that was probably the route we would take but it was not one that I was thrilled with. My intention was to have a completely drug-free birth and given that you have to start a a birth with drugs when you're induced and those drugs usually cause very hard painful contractions, that didn't sound promising. So my goal that week was to do everything I could to have that baby!

On September 1, I started noticing the Braxton Hicks contractions more and more frequently. That afternoon about 4:00 I decided to start timing them and making a note of the length and time between contractions. (That was weird. I remember thinking, I'm timing my contractions, which is what women do when they think they are going to have a baby. I MIGHT BE HAVING A BABY TODAY. I wasn't too sure I was up for it.) The contractions were 8 minutes apart so I texted DJ and told him that the contractions were more regular but they weren't painful yet. I didn't think he needed to come home from work. I was a little confused about the lack of pain since I thought when I went into labor, I WOULD KNOW because of the PAIN. No pain. So I thought surely this couldn't be the real thing. And yet, the contractions were getting longer, stronger and closer together. That was what they said to look for.

DJ came home from work and I started dinner. We didn't call our parents because I still wasn't sure if this was the real thing. I was still having consistent contractions but they still weren't hurting. I remember feeling like this was all so weird because I had never had a baby before and I didn't want to freak out about some little contractions that weren't even hurting. But they were getting slightly closer together and a little longer. I called Esther and told her what was happening but I said I didn't really know when I should go into the hospital because I was so confused by the lack of pain. Esther said to just continue monitoring the contractions and when they were about 5 minutes apart to come in. I figured, and I think she did to, that we would be headed in later that night.

However, we made it through the night. I remember waking up around 2 am and noticed that the contractions had started hurting a little but since nothing seemed urgent, I went back to sleep. I was really hoping to get a full night of sleep in before I had to exert my energy having this baby! I finally got up about 6 and took a shower. By 8, the contractions were 6 or less minutes apart and definitely hurting. I could still somewhat talk through a contraction but it wasn't something that I enjoyed. My body would tense up and I would just try to breath normally but I knew it was time. I just remember sitting on the couch with Maia and thinking "here we go!"

We got our things together, headed to the hospital and called our parents along the way. I remember feeling excited, a little nervous and ready. I was finally going to meet this baby that I had been growing for the past 39 weeks and 2 days!

Since we were going to the hospital during its normal operating hours, we were able to enter through normal admissions (as opposed to the night when we had the little scare when I was 36 weeks along and had to be admitted through the ER). Since the contractions weren't really that close (but close enough), again, it felt weird saying that I was there to have a baby. I mean, you always see on tv with the woman breathing really heavy and yelling that she's having a baby and someone rushes a wheelchair over to her. But in all reality, it was very calm. When I had a contraction while I was filling out paperwork, I just waited for it to pass and then continued what I was doing. Thankfully there wasn't much paperwork TO do since we had completed most of it that night we came in to the ER. And then a wheelchair did come and we made our way calmly to the room where I would labor and deliver. (I now know how great it is that we never had to leave the room we started in. I was able to make myself at home and not have to worry about being carted all over the place as I progressed through labor and then finally delivered the baby.)

At this point, time kind of moved in a blur and things progressed fairly quickly (for a first time mother). I changed into a gown, they hooked me up to some monitors to see how I was progressing and confirmed that I was, in fact, having contractions. And consistent, "good" ones they were. I remember being happy to hear that because I really didn't want to get sent home. In fact, the one time that they said I could go home and labor there since it seemed like the contractions weren't really getting much closer together (they stayed at 4 minutes apart for what seemed like a long time), I was quick to say no. If anything, that made me more determined to do everything I could to move things right along. I did NOT want to go home and have to wait any longer. Once they finished monitoring me, I declined having an IV or meds so I could do some walking. As I said before, my intentions were to have a drug-free birth so I knew I had to stay upright as much as possible to allow gravity to work its magic. I also declined a hep lock which would allow fluids to be quickly and easily administered but I knew that if I gave myself that "out" it may become too easy to take later on.

Esther was so great at giving me all sorts of ideas. When one thing seemed to stop working, she would suggest something else to help with the pain. First I walked the halls around and around and around, leaning on DJ anytime I would have a contraction. I have a feeling this was probably a little embarrassing for him and it would have been an embarassing situation for me too since I tend to be a bit shy about showing pain or being out of my comfort zone but I just buried my face in his neck and focused on breathing until the contraction ended and then we kept walking. I'm sure I looked a little funny and one of the nurses even commented that my gown was hanging funny in the back under my robe but I didn't really care. I was so afraid of the labor stopping or of it lasting forever that I was willing to do anything. And thankfully the floor wasn't all that busy at the moment.

When the walking got old and the contractions were getting stronger, we went back to the room and I tried sitting on an exercise ball. I really didn't care too much for that method. I tried it for a little while but I couldn't get in a comfortable enough position so Esther suggested using the bed and leaning over the bed when I would have a contraction. That worked for a long time and it seemed to work but again the contractions were getting even stronger and I started thinking that maybe I couldn't do this without drugs. At first, any time I mentioned pain or that I might need an epidural after all eventually, DJ was quick to offer going to get a nurse. Finally I told him that was not helping my goal of trying to have a natural birth and that I needed him to try to distract me or offer me other drug free options instead. He was so great after that and I couldn't have done it without him.

At one point Esther wanted to check how I was progressing so I got back into bed and let me tell you, that. was not. a pleasant. experience. It was so painful, worse than any of the contractions that I had been having, and it made me cry. So she promised she wouldn't check me again until I was ready to push and I don't think I would have let her anyway. I feel so bad for those poor women that get checked multiple times just for the doctor's sake or peace of mind or whatever. That was a horrible thing.

After we found out that I was about 6 or 7 cm dilated, I decided to get in the bath tub. I sat in the tub with the jets on for a good long while. That was a great place to labor and I would possibly consider a water birth the next time I have a baby because the water just makes you so weightless and relieves some of the pressure. Plus the warm water is very soothing.

After getting out of the tub, again time is a blur and I have no idea of any of the times for anything other then when we got to the hospital and when Jayden was born, but after getting out of the tub, I really didn't feel like walking anymore but I didn't want to lay down because I was afraid of labor slowing down so Esther suggested that I kneel backwards on the bed, when it was in an upright position, and hold on to the top and sink down on my heels each time I had a contraction. I would never have thought of doing any of this so I was so grateful she was there. Since we were fortunate that no one else was having a baby right then that needed her assistance, she was able to act as my doula as well. I will forever be so grateful to her. She was awesome!

At some point, I decided that I kind of felt like pushing but since this was an entirely new experience to me, I didn't know what that was supposed to feel like! I was so confused so I think part of the reason that I really didn't push all that long (only 45 minutes, which actually seems like a long time to me but since then, I have heard "horror" stories of pushing for HOURS) but anyway, I don't think I pushed very long because I started pushing before my body was fully ready. Obviously I'll know better for next time but this first time was a learning experience. At some point, my water broke. I believe it was right before Jayden's head appeared and then I remember seriously thinking that I was going to literally split apart. It's probably good that I'm writing this now and not right after he was born because at this point, I would have started going on and on about how incredibley horrible it was but now, I just remember knowing and thinking it was horrible but I don't actually remember vividly why it was so horrible, if that makes any sense. But anyway, I just know that once Jayden made his appearance, I was just so glad it was over. And thank God that the memory is biased and in this case, I only remember the good things.

Unfortunately there was some meconium in the amniotic fluid when my water finally broke, so they had to call Dr. Kleppinger (Dr. Klep), Jayden's doctor, who acts as the "neonatal care" since there is no neonatal unit at the Laramie hospital. As soon as Jayden was born they took him directly over to the warming bassinet and started working on him. I'm not sure of these details since I was still presently occupied, but I'm told they were cleaning out his mouth and trying to get him to cry. They brought him over to me for a minute and I remember looking at him and thinking, "ohhhhh. This is MY baby. But oh my gosh, I'm still in so much pain." Needless to say the euphoria of the moment did not make me forget that I still needed to deliver the placenta and be stitched up ( I had a small tear). I was still in quite a bit of pain.

I do remember however feeling so incredibly in love with DJ as soon as it was over. I really didn't think I would be weepy or dramatic about the moment and I didn't cry (DJ did which the nurses LOVED. They said they just love seeing a dad who is so into the moment and totally THERE with his wife.) But I was surprised at how close I felt to DJ. He was so fantastic through the whole delivery. He was everything I needed when I needed it and he always said the right things and I never once got mad at him. He will tell you though that at one point I attempted to strangle the life out of him. But this was completely unintentional I assure you. I was pushing with every fiber in my body and I guess I just tugged on him a little too hard at one point. I can't say I feel bad about it considering the circumstances. I was having a baby for goodness sake and I can't be held responsible for whatever I did to make it happen. (I tease of course.)

So they took Jayden to the nursery and DJ went with him. Meanwhile Esther finished up the process of delivering the placenta and giving me some stitches. Now this is the part where I was very misinformed. People have always told me and I've always seen on the birthing shows that this part is not supposed to hurt! I was supposed to be in this love-induced haze where I only had eyes for my newborn baby but hello! This was a painful hour! And I had no baby to at least partly distract me! And my husband was not there either! Definitely the second worst part of the whole process. I'd almost consider having an epidural the next time if only to just avoid all that pain afterwards.

I feel like I should probably stop here and continue later in Part 2 since this much of the story has taken me quite awhile to write and at this point, Jayden may be 6 months old before I finish. But I will finish Part 1 by saying that I am so glad that I was able to do the whole labor and delivery with no drugs whatsoever. Plus since I was good about drinking water the whole time, I didn't even need an IV. I really hope to do it the same way next time. I firmly believe that all the moving around that I did during labor helped with a natural delivery. And Esther was also a key component. I will never deliver with a doctor. I will always have a midwife. And maybe I'll even have other options next time like a water delivery. Oh and I would hope to never have to deliver without my husband there. Those three things made my delivery "magical". (I say that with quotation marks because really, delivery is anything but magical which evokes notions of fairy dust and warm fuzzy feelings. But it was magical in the sense that it is a miracle and a natural part of life that ends with the best reward a person could ever ask for.)

Bon Appetit! and the Topic of Eyes

Jayden's eye color seems to change every day. Some days the color is a navy blue, other days they seem to be green like the above picture, other times they are the prettiest blue with a gold ring around the middle. At this point, I have no idea what color they will end up being but it's fun watching them change right now! I've heard hazel eyes seem to change color depending on the surroundings so maybe that's what he'll end up having.

See, in that picture, they look blue!

And now on to some other news...

It was a momentous occasion for DJ and I the other night. We ordered Jayden's high chair and it finally came in the mail! Which meant....that Jayden would get to join us at the table for the first time and we would (sort of) eat dinner as a family! But first the chair had to be put together...

Jayden enjoyed watching his daddy try to figure out the intricacies of the Tripp Trapp.

I have a feeling we're going to see that look of amazement on Jayden's face a lot as he grows up and follows his daddy around watching him work on things.

This chair is pretty cool. It will grow with Jayden and once he's graduated to a normal chair, this chair will transition into a normal chair as well and anyone can sit on it. Its weight limit is 300 pounds! Plus I think the style is way more fun than a normal high chair too.

Jayden was excited as we were to try it out!

Just a feeeew more adjustments and then we'll be all set. There's a "baby set" that attaches to the part where he's sitting, so it will hold him in. That part will be removed once he gets a little older and then there are just normal straps that keep him on the chair.
 

Jayden and I took a few more pictures while we waited...

We love when that little chin makes its appearance once in awhile. Usually its tucked securely in his chest.

 

And then it was ready!

Ha! This picture makes me laugh because I had literally TWO seconds to push the button on the camera and run to my seat and act like I was eating dinner. Thus the rigid posture. So funny.

We're almost positive Jayden LOVED being at the table with us. He was happy the entire time. And all his friends joined him as you can see.

His little feet fit perfectly on the footrest too. I didn't they would because it seemed way too low before we put him in the seat but sure enough!

 I asked DJ how he felt about having Jayden sitting at the table with us and here was his response...

He was so excited all day and couldn't wait to get home from work to put together the chair and then have dinner.

Jayden spent the rest of dinner chewing on his toys (his favorite pasttime as of late) and shaking the bejeezus out of them (thank you Greggy from the Next Great Baker for my new favorite word.)

And then it was time to be done.

Goodness gracious, do all parents think their kids are cute even when they are mad and crying? That could be bad news. I don't know how I'm going to be taken seriously, or how he's going to feel taken seriously, if all I can do is laugh when he gets upset.

I am so excited to start feeding him solid foods! We'll try it in another month or so but I can tell Jayden is getting close to being ready for solid foods because he is always watching me when I eat. He watches the utensil with food as it travels from my plate to my mouth. And today he even reached out for my pretzel when I showed it to him.

Jayden Milestones: Jayden is reaching for things all the time now. Things constantly catch his eye and he instantly reaches out for them. Soon, I will need to be very careful about what is within his reach, especially when I have him on my lap near the table. Jayden's new favorite activity is his jumper that we borrowed from friends of ours. He can spend a lot of time in there going up and down, up and down. It's probably just as entertaining to us as it is for him! He is so cute when he jumps. His face lights up, he lets out squeals and giggles as his arms flap and his little feet just go, go, go! He's also starting to roll over a little more now. The other day with the nanny, he rolled from his back to his stomach and back to his back! He's very close to sitting up on his own. His favorite positions are typically either sitting or standing with our assistance.