Moving Home

A few months ago I mentioned writing about why we decided to move again. I have some time (finally) to write about it and don’t want to put it off another second! I hope you'll notice a reoccurring theme of how God has worked in our life so thoroughly. It is difficult for me to look at this story and not see God's perfect timing.

(In a weak attempt at catching my blog up to present day, I am dispersing pictures from the months since we've moved back to Rapid City throughout this post. Please forgive the randomness...)

 

This past summer Ava went through a period of being intensely sad every time I dropped her off at day care which made ME intensely sad because she was always a happy baby otherwise. I didn't like the feeling of dropping her off, leaving her crying and knowing that she had to compete for the attention of the caregiver along with 10 other babies. Thankfully at the time I really liked her caregiver and I felt like she did an adequate job of distracting Ava and helping her not feel so sad but it still broke my heart nonetheless. Every time one of my children goes through a streak like this it makes me start thinking about ways to help them and how I can make the situation better. This time though my thoughts took a different path then they usually do. I think this is one of the ways that God showed me that something needed to change.

 

I remember sitting in my office, feeling pretty low, and different thoughts started popping into my head. First I thought about how it's an absolute necessity to make sacrifices for your children. I would argue it’s necessary in order to be a great parent. I have read articles and blogs and had discussions with other parents, both seasoned and new, and it's become a part of my belief system that parenting is one of the most selfless things you can do. Now, as with most anything, you can do a very poor job of parenting and decide that you are not going to sacrifice and everything is going to stay the same as it was before you had kids. In that case, parenting becomes one of the most selfish things you can do because you are creating a toxic environment for your child(ren). As a believer in Jesus, I believe it is my calling to be a mom therefore in obedience to God, I strive to take it very seriously. God, in his infinite wisdom, blessed us with two beautiful children and I don't take that lightly. That summer day I felt like our decisions needed to be re-evaluated after I saw my child was hurting. I knew I wanted to change things even if it made DJ and me uncomfortable in some way.

 

So what did we need to change? My next thought revolved around our current lifestyle. Ava and Jayden were in daycare because DJ and I are full-time working parents. I've thought a LOT about what that means for our family, our kids, me...and it's not simple. I won't get into the topic of working parents now but to put it simply for purposes of this story, I will just say that we didn't feel that God was telling me to quit my job for a variety of reasons. It might happen one day and I will pray that I hear God's voice clearly when that time comes. As for now, we didn't feel now was that time.  

DJ's job, on the other hand, had been taking a toll on our family little by little and we knew times were changing. The field of athletic training is intense and specifically in football, it requires 100% dedication for all parties involved. This wasn’t the first time we had discussed a change of careers for DJ. Our kids were getting older, the pressures of his job were increasing and I felt in my heart that we needed to take a hard look at where he was going with his current career. Thankfully, DJ had been thinking along the same lines so I knew God was working on him at the same time He was working on me. My thoughts started down the path of changing careers again but this time more seriously than ever before. That led to my next thought…DJ and I have always agreed we would never live in Rapid City again.

 

DJ and I moved to New Mexico for college and I feel like it was one of best things I could have done for myself. I loved the independence that move provided and it gave me a chance to really spread my wings. I loved the new culture that New Mexico offered and the new beginnings I experienced while living there. I've always had an adventurous spirit and that spirit has served us well as DJ and I lived in New Mexico for 7 years, then Knoxville, TN for 1 year, and finally Laramie, WY for 3 years. Before we were married, we were also separated at times for various reasons and I think it worked because it was an adventure. To move back to Rapid City did not seem adventurous. It seemed safe. Honestly, it almost seemed like failing. Moving back home was not in my plan. DJ would have to speak for himself and his reasons for not wanting to move back but I think it more or less was because of his chosen career. He couldn't work for a Division 1 college football team in South Dakota because there isn't one! He LOVED being an athletic trainer and when he chose that field in college, he wasn't married. Obviously kids were not in the picture. And frankly it was a good fit for him as a single, sports-loving guy. It wasn't even that bad as a newlywed couple although I think we can both look back now and say it probably wasn't ideal. But hey, what is in this life? Anyway, that was the path God put us on then and now we could feel him leading us down a new path.

A glimpse into our sleeping arrangement that we love so much.

 

The last thought that played around in my head that day in my office involved thoughts of family. Family is really important to both DJ and me. We had agreed that if his job ever moved us away again we would have to seriously reconsider his career choice because living in Laramie put us as close to our parents...our children's grandparents... as we could get in his current field of choice. When we lived in Tennessee, it was HARD. That was the furthest we had ever lived from our hometown and we felt every mile of that separation when we announced our first pregnancy, when we celebrated Christmas by ourselves, when we helped our families plan trips to come see us or any other life moment that happened while we were there. Once we had our children, I couldn't imagine adding more miles between them and their grandparents. We were so grateful that our families were willing to drive the distance between Rapid City and Laramie as often as they did while we lived there. As a result, our children were forming bonds with two sets of grandparents, great-grandparents, and aunts and uncles that they wouldn't have otherwise been able to do, even with the great technology like Skype that we had been using in between visits. Each visit reminded both DJ and I what a gift we had in our families and what a gift our families are to our children. DJ and I agreed that our priority of being close to family would dictate where and when we moved.

 

God was placing each of these thoughts in my mind I have no doubt. He was piecing the puzzle together slowly and methodically so that I would understand exactly what He wanted us to do. I feel like God also did it this way so I could explain it in a way that held meaning for DJ. This would not be an easy choice for DJ. He loved his job but he did not love what it required of his family. I laid out my thoughts to DJ later after I saw the big picture and at the same time I prayed that God would give us clarity about what we were supposed to do. The fact that DJ didn't immediately shut the idea down when I first brought it up spoke volumes to me. I suggested that we spend a week praying about it intensely and revisit the idea again after that. I knew God would be faithful to put us on the same path and if we were supposed to move then we would both know it. I also prayed that God would help me trust my husband's decision, whatever it was. If DJ said no, then I knew, it's not the right time. This was also a way for me to know if my strong feelings about moving were just a result of emotions. I certainly didn't want our family to move just because we felt like it! I've made the mistake before of making a decision based purely on emotion and it wasn't one I wanted to make again, especially for something huge like this!

During the week some interesting things happened. First, DJ's boss quit so the head trainer position was now open. This was a huge opportunity because if DJ got the job he would be able to fulfill a dream AND we wouldn't have to move far from family for him to do it, a factor we thought would be required for such a dream. So DJ decided to apply for the job. We discussed the chances of him getting the job and knew it was quite possible since he had been with the school now for 3 years, the coaching staff trusted him and he had good relationships with the players. The possibility that he could be one of the youngest head trainers in Division 1 football was exciting and admittedly overwhelming to me. After a week of prayer we decided that we would stick it out for one more season if he got the head trainer job. After the season was over we would move to Rapid City. We both felt good about that decision and even though I dreaded the idea of going through another football season, I knew I could do it if it meant DJ got to realize a dream and it would lead to an END to the current challenges we were experiencing.

 

We went home to visit our family for the 4th of July, a trip that had already been in the works before this idea came up, and broke the news about our impending move. We knew they would be stunned since we hadn't told anyone at that point about our change of heart. We wanted to make our decision without any outside influences. They, of course, were excited! We told them the actual move date was "to be determined" based on whether or not DJ got the job. Little did we know that just a few days later when DJ called in to work, we would find out that they had decided not to even give DJ an interview. In fact they were interviewing prospective head trainers while he was on vacation. To say we were shocked and hurt would be an understatement. It was an interesting conflict of emotions because in a way this was the answer we had been praying for. At that moment we saw our answer about our future set before us in full-flashing, neon lights that could have put Las Vegas to shame. The fact that he wasn’t even given a chance hurt DJ but it was also comforting to see God's hand in that decision. We prayed for clarity and God answered our prayer by giving us crystal clear clarity!

 

We went back to Laramie after our 4th of July vacation and started packing. It was surreal at best given that we had left on our vacation with no intention of moving so soon. But without a job for DJ, we had no reason to stay in Laramie. DJ wouldn’t be going through another season as an assistant football trainer and I could work wherever we were. We had packed up all of our personal belongings by the following Monday when we met with a realtor. We put our house on the market by the next Monday and I wish I could tell you it sold by the next Monday after that!

But it didn't.

Aaand it still hasn't.

But don't make the easy mistake of thinking that it means we made the wrong decision. I feel like the sale of our house is all in God's perfect plan. The reason it sells will be because God chose that time. There are factors and variables beyond our scope that we can't know about which is why I choose not to worry. To be perfectly real here, sometimes I do fall into the trap and start to worry but I quickly remind myself that it hasn't sold because it's not the right time. It will sell in God's time and that is the perfect time.

Papa and Jayden                                            Nana and Ava

Grandpa and Ava                                            Grandma with Jayden and ava

                        



DJ's last day as an athletic trainer was July 31. We had almost the entire month of August, during which time he was unemployed, to get ready to move. Unemployment may sound like a bad thing but it was actually a gift. The kids and I got to have DJ around and we all loved it. I continued working and DJ watched the kids and spent valuable fun summer hours with them. He even potty trained Jayden during that time! I think back on that time and love the memories we have of our last month in our first family home.

We moved to Rapid City in time to celebrate Jayden's third birthday during Labor Day weekend. DJ had applied for a job the last time we were in town for the 4^th of July so he finalized that process when we officially moved. At first they only had part-time positions open so he worked two different part-time jobs for a short while. (The other one was at a physical therapy clinic.) However he went from a part-time sales associate to a full-time golf manager in less than 3 months! So he didn't need the other part-time job for long. Now if that doesn't have God written all over it, I don't know what does! The fact that he now has a full-time job is fantastic but the fact that it's in a golf-related sales position is absolutely God's design. DJ's passion has always been golf for as long as I have known him and we've even discussed other golf-related careers he might pursue over the years but little did we know what God had in store! We feel truly blessed because he left a field that he loved and he was given a new job that he is learning to love as well. The company he works for is the polar opposite of college football in terms of priorities and work ethic (all in good ways!) and we cherish the family time that we get to have now. He works one evening a week and every other weekend and to some that would seem burdensome and a negative aspect of the job, but I look at it as a huge blessing! He works ONLY 1 night a week and ONLY every other weekend.

                                                                     Taken through the screen of my office window

 

God has taken care of the details as noted by the job that DJ has now. He has also blessed us with the family time that we wanted for our kids and fantastic child care since we've moved, which includes being watched by Grandma twice a week and Daddy once a week! I've seen other blessings come from this move as well, both for our family and for me personally, that I never could have expected when we first made this decision. I try to remember to thank God as often as I can for bringing us back to Rapid City. The move has been a life changer in so many ways. It also has shown us one way that God kept His promise that is written in Jeremiah. It is a promise that I have clung to (and will continue to do) and one that I pray for my children:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

The Blizzard of 2013 - Part 2

These photos were taken about 3 days after the Blizzard Atlas

In Part 1 of this story, our family was fortunate to receive power back right away the first night of the storm. I have no idea why we got to keep our power and over 28,000 other people lost theirs (16,000 in Rapid City alone) for days on end but we were so grateful to God because the cabin we evacuated to became our refuge. Over the next 5 days this little cabin covered in fallen trees became our homing beacon in the middle of tragedy.

The first day there wasn't much to be done but assess the damage and start shoveling. My parents left our little cabin early the morning after the storm and literally dragged food that my mom had wrapped in a sheet back to the cabin from their house. Three feet of snow is no easy feat to walk through. They were tired and somber when they walked through the door after being gone for not quite an hour. I was anxiously awaiting their arrival to hear if the big Cottonwood tree had indeed fallen on the house and when they walked in the door that was my first apprehensive question to them. I was so relieved to hear that the house was ok. The tree was still standing. However, that seemed to be the only tree left standing. We started expecting the worst - holes in roofs, smashed cars, broken windows - knowing the damage was likely. That first day was spent shoveling people out so they could walk to their cars to charge their phones and eventually, after the ban on driving was lifted a couple days later, drive their cars to work. The snow was HEAVY so by the end of day 1, we were all exhausted. Throughout the day though the cabin was available so we could come back, warm up, drink some hot coffee and rejuvenate before heading back out. I think the kids really helped lift people's spirits too. They were seemingly unaffected by any of the craziness and as result, acted as a point of "normalcy" in the midst of everything abnormal.

Day 2 the snow started to melt.

A little river running through the front yard of the home we are staying in.

Keep in mind the storm never got that cold. Sure it was cold enough to freeze the rain into snow but just barely. The reason for the breaking branches was in large part due to the heaviness of the snow. The other cause was the fact that none of the trees had lost any leaves yet so the weight was too much to bare for those big beautiful, very healthy, trees. It was a good thing so much snow was shoveled the first because by the second day it was exceedingly harder to move the weight of the snow. We decided it was better to just wait for the snow to melt, which it would in just a few days time.

The second day the kids finally ventured outside for their first snowfall of the season. They were quite excited, especially Jayden, who would jump into the snow and just roll around screaming. They couldn't stop eating the snow either. I tried to teach them the rules about eating snow but they didn't care. It all went in their mouth so after awhile a "no eating snow at all" rule was enforced. I was so grateful that I had already purchased the kids snow gear so we could have this opportunity to play out in the snow without getting soaking wet right away.

 

Ava didn't have any boots yet, and still doesn't actually, so plastic bags worked well to keep her little feet warm.

 

 You can see some of the downed trees behind Jayden. They look like bushes but they're actually huge branches.
 

As day 2 came to an end, we were beginning to realize something surprising, at least at my parent's property. (Due to the driving ban, we didn't know yet what the rest of the city looked like.) Roofs were intact. Cars were barely scratched. Windows were unscathed. In fact, the damage to the trees, which covered almost every home and cabin and RV on the property, somehow did not cause major damage to anything else. (My parents' BBQ grill did become a statistic of the storm unfortunately when the entire top of a spruce tree fell on the deck onto the grill.)

Over the next several days the goal was to clear the roads so the power company could access the power lines and get the electricity back on for the rest of the people at the property. It was hard, depressing work as it became more and more clear just how few trees would be left standing after the clean-up was completed. I spent the days working in the cabin and occasionally went to a coffee shop to check and send emails. It was interesting to me how the rest of the country was so unaware of what was happening in South Dakota, but not too surprising really. South Dakota isn't a prominent state after all and the media barely covered the Winter Storm Atlas, the first snowstorm of the year. The kids spent time at my in laws and DJ, my brother and my parents spent days clearing debris. School was cancelled for a total of 3 days - the day of the storm and two days of the following week to clear the roads.

 Papa reading a book to Jayden one evening before bedtime in the cabin.

 

Grandma showing Jayden how to make a proper snow angel. Is that a devoted Grandma or what?? No snow pants or anything!

 



By day 6, the electricity was turned on, most of the snow was melted and we moved back to our respective homes. Our family didn't have water until another day or two because our pump house was missed when the power company came to fix the power lines. Thankfully my father in law works for the power company so he was able to make sure that they came back to finish the one little pump house. Otherwise it might have been another week before they realized it was still without power!

 

Over a month later and the clean-up has come to a stand still, at least at the campground. It will continue here at the campground once the ground freezes and heavy machinery can safely travel on the grassy areas. But for now it's on hold. The whole city was a flurry of activity over the past 4 weeks, especially on the weekends, when people weren't busy with their other jobs.

 

This is a picture of a parking lot that was designated as a drop-off spot for the branches. This was one week after the storm. I don't have a picture of what it looked like a couple of weeks in but this particular pile tripled in size (at least) and then there was another one behind it and across from it that matched in size. It was staggering. Slowly the branch piles were turned into steaming piles of mulch and this weekend will be the last weekend they will use this site as a drop-off area.

 

Thankfully, the campground is my parent's job (or not so thankfully since the storm somewhat destroyed their livelihood) but they were able to put 100% of their time and energy into cleaning the place up, which is what it took. All day, every day for 4 weeks, my mom, dad and brother worked to fix what the storm destroyed. The clean-up was emotionally taxing for them (not to mention the financial impact...have you ever purchased a tree?? If so, you know how expensive they are. Now imagine a few acres of trees...) given that they had spent the last 20+ years growing little baby trees into big beautiful trees and in one day, that hard work was torn to the ground.

 

I would be remiss if I did not mention the impact this storm has had on the South Dakota ranchers. Over 100,000 cattle were killed which, if you know what a rancher does, that's like burning a store owners' building down. The cattle are the rancher's life and the loss will affect ranchers for years to come. This article from Fox News paints the grim picture of loss that they are experiencing.

 

Effect of Winter Storm Atlas on Ranchers

 

It's horribly sad to see so many hard working ranchers affected so tragically by something so unexpected. Thankfully we live in a state filled with people who are accustomed to pulling themselves out of a tough spot, and South Dakotans are bonding together to help them.

 

This blizzard was one of the worst South Dakota has ever seen both in terms of snowfall and financial loss. It will take a long time for the city to look like it once did. And I can't help but compare our little storm to the massive storm the Philippines just went through. I struggle with the words to voice my thoughts because I don't want to sound callous as if I am somehow saying that I've gone through what the Filipinos are going through. The snow did not cripple our city for very long and thankfully, only one man's death, as opposed to many, is being attributed to the storm. Because we are not ranchers, we can look back on this storm, be amazed that it happened, be sad that the trees are gone but basically move on. We are fortunate but I feel like it could have been so much worse especially if it had been very cold. Being a very visual person, having gone through a storm that was devastating in other ways helps me to understand what the Filipinos are going through. They were not as fortunate. Instead of cows, the Filipinos lost people - loved ones. And I am just heartbroken over their loss. We are doing what we can to help them across the distance and we will continue to pray for them. I'm grateful for our experience so that I can better sympathize with their experience.

The Blizzard of 2013 - Part 1

Famous last words...

Words you wish you could take back...

Understatement of the century...

Biting your tongue...

These are all phrases that I think could accurately title this post. It probably doesn't make sense but it will in a moment. See, before the weather turned, we were having BEAUTIFUL fall days. Days that I had been dreaming about having since we moved back to Rapid City. We didn't have the luxury of 4 seasons in Laramie so this change of seasons was something I was really looking forward to this year.

We had been hearing that we would be getting some snow in the coming weekend and knowing South Dakota weather like I (thought I) did and knowing the "dependability" of weather forecasting, I immediately started scoffing at the idea that we would be getting inches of snow. It was barely October forheavenssake. I loudly proclaimed to anyone who asked, that there was no way Rapid City would see any accumulation of snow. If we were "lucky", we would see a dusting of snow and the Hills would see probably a few inches. In my experience, this seemed to usually be the case. Call it what you will...a few too many disappointments of waking up to no snow after promises of a snow day, maybe...Perhaps I thought if my opposition was heard in the heavens, my fall wouldn't be rudely interrupted (note to self: throwing a tantrum is not the way to get things...hmmm, that sounds familiar...) but I was HUGELY skeptical that our fall would be sliced and diced by a winter storm. It just wasn't going to happen.

Thursday night: It's raining. As predicted by the weatherman. My thoughts were "yep, this looks about right." I don't see the rain turning into snow. It was thundering and lightening even. Definitely not going to snow...

Friday morning: Still raining. Oh those weatherman have to be feeling so sheepish right now, I thought. I start putting together a new recipe in the crockpot for homemade pumpkin spice lattes. (It was gross but it did make the house smell nice.)

A little later Friday morning: Flurries begin. Well I guess this is the beginning of our dusting...except that it was falling hard. The flurries quickly turned into BIG GIANT snowflakes...which were actually quite pretty.

I get a phone call from my dad, "Fill up buckets of water" he says. Apparently if we lost electricity we wouldn't be able to flush the toilet so just in case, we filled up a few wastebaskets of water and left them in the tub.

We made this new recipe called Pumpkin Spice Quinoa or something like that for breakfast. (The picture looked better than it actually tasted. Yuck.)

I try to get some work done in my office.

10:00 am Our electricity turns off.

The snow is accumulating quickly and it is HEAVY. Branches are weighing down already. The house quickly becomes chilly and we decide that we should head to my parent's house. They have a wood burning stove so at least we will be warm even though we won't have lights.

We throw all our dishes in the sink. Grab a bag of clothes. Hop in the car and quickly realize that there is a lot of snow.

Branches are already breaking and we decide that rather than leave our car at my parents where it would be parked under a big cottonwood tree, DJ would drop us off, drive back to the house (which is right next door), and run back over to my parent's.

DJ's words upon arriving back to my parent's "I felt like it was Armageddon out there." Hm, maybe this storm was going to be more than a dusting after all. Actually it already was. There was probably at least a foot of snow at that point. It was thundering and lightening. (I discovered this phenomenon is called Thundersnow and it's quite rare. But it happened constantly throughout this blizzard.) HUGE branches were falling and if you saw the meadow that DJ ran through to get to my parent's after driving home, it's somewhat of a miracle that he wasn't taken out on his way back. In that meadow, a few days later, we found a branch about the width of my leg, that had fallen from a tree and buried into the ground about 30 inches. We have a picture but you'll just have to trust me for now. Branches the size of whole trees were cracking, which sounded like gun shots, and then falling all around the entire property. It was surreal.

We hung out around the stove at my parent's for awhile and chatted, played and ate some food (which we quickly realized we should ration because we didn't have a way to cook food, given that the range at my parent's house was electric. We did decide to try to cook the pot of stew that my mom had started before the electricity went off on the wood stove but that didn't last long because...) my dad casually mentions that if the ginormous cottonwood tree that stands right next to the house fell on the house, it would take out the entire wall, fall on the stove and we would burn up along with the house. Thanks Dad. Nothing like calming a mother's fears for her children's safety as we decide what to do in this crazy storm. Well I immediately start questioning our decision about coming to my parent's house. At least we had a gas range at our house...

Then my dad is called out somewhere, maybe to help one of the tenants, I can't remember (for those who aren't familiar with my parent's property -  they own a campground with about 30 RV sites, about 25 cottages and 3 lodges/homes that are fully furnished and individually functional, i.e. they all have their own utilities, bedrooms, kitchens, etc. They rent them monthly in the winter and nightly in the summer. In the fall most are monthly but some are still nightly as they transition monthly renters in. So in addition to making sure their own family is safe in this storm, my parents had to manage tons of phone calls from worried tenants wondering what happened to their electricity, why can't they watch tv, etc...super fun). My dad returns from his "outing" and states that we are moving out. The size of trees that he had seen falling over and broken off had him worried that the cottonwood might actually fall on the house and burn us alive (he didn't say it like that but that's what I heard) so we had to get out NOW. If you know my Dad, you knows his concern is cause for your concern; he's not easily excitable about these sorts of things. Oh my goodness, if I was worried before, I was frantic now. DJ had been taking a nap. Yes, a nap. (How can someone sleep in the middle of such excitement??) I was immediately yelling at him to get up, get the kids, get our stuff. We are GETTING OUT! This was exactly what I had been thinking since our previous conversation about falling trees and burning up and now I had someone else thinking the same thing so that was that.

Except... where to?

We played around with a few ideas (...in the midst of chaos... because my dad decided to go back outside, I have no idea why, but I was constantly concerned about anyone who ventured outside because seriously the branches that were falling were big and continuously falling) and then someone mentioned that one of the cabins was empty, has a gas fireplace, still has electricity somehow and is just a couple of rows (streets) over. Instead of driving far in this snow and being too far from our homes in case my parents are needed at the property or we need something from our houses, we decided the cabin was the best place to go. This ended up being the best decision ever.

So the plan is to move. This is when it gets crazy. We all get into my mom's Denali (except for my dad who is going to clear branches) and we take off. Except we don't get far because the roads are blocked. We start one way and then back the car up, try something else...DJ hops out to help my dad move branches. We try driving another way only to find it is blocked by an entire tree that has fallen across the street and onto a building. We check. Nope, our car is too tall to fit underneath. We back up. Go back to the first way we had attempted and realize this. is. it. I'm practically in tears, clutching my children. Jayden and Ava somehow know that it is best to stay silent as they watch us adults try to find a way out of this mess. DJ and my dad are hauling branches out of the way. My mom guns the car like she's taken some James Bond class that I wasn't aware existed and we fly over the branches and take off to the cabin. My dad and DJ can walk. (They told us to do this; we didn't just leave them unknowingly in our determined attempt to save the children.)

We turn down the road that will take us to the front of the cabin. It's blocked. More trees down. My mom then remembers that we knew this (from my dad's previous outing) and realizes she was supposed to go to the backside. We're so frantic to get inside to safety that we aren't thinking clearly. Since we got into the car I've been expecting a branch to come crashing onto our roof at any moment. She turns the car around and we see DJ and my dad coming our way, confused about what we are doing. We tell them our mistake and head back out on the main road to go to the back of the cabin. We are careful to find a place to park that is not below a tree and prepare ourselves to walk through what is now at least 2 feet of snow to the cabin. We have less than 50 yards to cross before we are inside. I grab a kid (Jayden I think), someone gets Ava (not important that I can't remember who has her, just that someone has her...) and we dash knee deep into the snow around the cabin, up the steps onto the deck and finally, safely, into the cabin. I'm not sure about everyone else but I felt a huge sense of relief as soon as we set foot in that cabin.

But the fun wasn't over yet. My mom and I stayed to get the kids settled and my dad, and DJ too I think, went back out to do whoknowswhat (I never fully understood the need to get back out into blizzard where branches were falling like manna from heaven)...and while they were gone, a tree fell on the cabin. Only I didn't realize that's what happened. That was probably a good thing, considering how anxious I already was about everything that had just happened. I heard the thud but I just thought that a branch had fallen onto the deck. I could see out the window that the deck we had just walked across was now engulfed by huge branches. We had a tunnel of branches and leaves that we had to walk through to get in and out of the cabin. It stayed like this for a few days until the branches could be cut down. I learned about the "tree on the roof" thing the next day. Apparently it's a good thing those cabins were so well built because roofs have collapsed with less laying on top than what our roof had on it. At one point, my grandpa asked my dad if he could hear the roof creaking and that freaked. me. out. That was asked a day or two later when the tree was still laying on the roof.

My dad and DJ came back inside a short while later and we get settled into our little 3 bedroom cottage. We had plugged in the roaster of stew that we had been attempting to cook on the wood stove earlier, so we were able to eat some dinner. I don't remember what we did next but all of a sudden the electricity turned off. Seriously. We all groaned because we were all probably thinking how close we had come to not losing electricity at all but on the other hand, we were wondering how long it would be till we got it back. Obviously at this point we knew, given how bad it was just in our little part of the city, that the power was going out all over the city. It would take awhile for the power company to fix all of that. So we got the kids into bed and the adults sat around wondering if 8 o'clock was too early for bed. As we re-adjusted our mental states to this dark silence - no tv, very little light, just the glow from the fireplace - we had time to contemplate the change that was upon us. We listened to the thunder, the cracking of the branches (the two sounds were very hard to tell apart) and our whispers and we somehow knew even in this first day of the storm that what we were experiencing would change things for quite a while.

And I started realizing that I should have kept my big mouth shut the day before when I was convinced that we would barely get a dusting of snow.

Hrmph.

But we were safe. We were together. We were warm. Our stomachs were even full since my mom had the foresight to start the stew earlier that morning. We would come to find out that we were rich compared to others who would spend the night stranded in their cars because even fire engines couldn't make it through the snow to save the people. Social media kept us updated on the experiences that people were going through - no electricity for people on oxygen, a baby hungry because the babysitter is out of formula and the mom is stranded at work, people all over the city placed on a ban from the roads because the trees and the snow and the wind made it impossible to get anywhere. We had no reason to complain because a couple of hours later our electricity miraculously turned back on. And it stayed on for the rest of the time.

(To be continued...)

6 Months of Change

6 Months...

Yikes...

How did I let it go this long??

Hello, welcome back to my blog. I've thought about this place a lot over the past 6 months and to say that there has been nothing to write about would be The Biggest Lie of the Century. But I just never got the writing bug. OR if I did, I just didn't think I should take the time to write when there were a million other things to do.

I decided I needed to stop waiting and provide an update. (Note that I wrote this post about a week ago and waited to post it until I could get some pictures up. In that week we had the most devastating blizzard in South Dakota history and because this post doesn't mention that at all, I wanted to explain why. Hopefully I can post about that mess soon because it would be an interesting one for sure...no electricity for 6 days, living in a cabin with my parents for that period of time, still no running water in our house...interesting eh?)

 

Ava turned One in May! I will try to post pictures because I loved how the party turned out. We did a vintagy tea partyish type thing. A lot of our family members came to Wyoming to celebrate and we had a grand time.

 

 

Jayden turned Three in September! I took almost 0 pictures. I did capture some video though! But the video is on the video camera and I haven't a clue of how to put parts of that on here. Sooo, no bloggy pictures or video but it was also a grand time. We did a Curious George theme and it was our first celebration in our new home.

And on that note, we have moved! Officially we moved at the end of August. That's definitely a blog post of it's own that I hope will get written one day because so much thought and prayer went into this move. I want to remember why we did this. We decided to return to our hometown of Rapid City, South Dakota and it is Awesome!

DJ is no longer working in college football. His last day was July 31. And this is a good thing. This will be covered in the future "Moving" post because it plays a large part in the "Why" aspect of the move. He is now working at a local sporting goods store as a sales associate and loving it. The company is amazing. The people are nice, fun people. And most importantly, the schedule allows a lot of family time. We love it.

Do we miss college football? Yes.

Do we miss the sacrifice that it requires? NO.

We have started a new healthy eating plan that is inspired by the Paleo lifestyle. Ultimately I would like to see us eating strictly Paleo but right now we are a gluten-free household. We are a little over a week into this (and it was admittedly put on the back burner during the Blizzard, but we're ready to get back to it!) and it's an adjustment for sure but not as much as if we were doing Paleo full force right away, i.e. no dairy, no grains of any kind including rice or corn. I tried to do that for the first day of this journey to Health and felt like I was being Tortured. I couldn't handle that much restriction and change to my diet so quickly. So we cut it back to just gluten and that has been much easier because there are so many gluten-free products out there these days. It's pretty awesome actually. I think we have already significantly increased our veggie and fruit consumption. We have definitely decreased the processed foods that we are consuming because, well, they are no longer in our cupboards! We still have a few items that are processed but we purchase them Very Intentionally. In other words, no sugar (or if something IS sweetened then it should be with fruit juice), no gluten, very few ingredients, and organic. So far, we are all doing great and I am excited to see where this journey takes us, both in our health and in our attitude about food.

I am still working for the same company from our new home. To say that this job is a blessing would be an understatement but truly that is what it is. This company has taken care of me for 7 years now, through 3 moves, and I am so grateful that God knew what he was doing when he nudged me in the direction of this company and not another one 7 years ago in my college apartment. I love seeing how God used that decision in my life over these past 7 years.

Jayden started preschool which is a great place for him but it's taking time for him to adjust. Ava is in a new home daycare which is taking time for ME to adjust. We are still looking for a church to call our own but God will lead us there in His own time. I miss my Bible Study ladies and hope to find a new group soon. We still haven't sold our house so we are living amongst rental things (a fully furnished home on my parents' property) and half of our stuff is still sitting in our house's garage in Laramie. We left one of our cars in Wyoming since we didn't want to drive separately to South Dakota while hauling a trailer but my inlaws are gracious enough to let us use one of their vehicles.

So much Change.

So much New.

But let me tell you, Life is Good. We couldn't be happier among family. We couldn't be happier together with DJ around so much. The last 6 months has brought growth, unity, laughter, happiness and faith.

So Thankful.

Parenting Practices - Part 2

And so continues Part 2 of Parenting Practices that "former self" PK (pre-kids) would have raised her eyebrows in wonderment at...

TV Watching and Other Electronics: Rated No Big Deal PK

So this practice has developed in phases...

Phase 1 - Pre-pregnancy - I only know that I thought watching tv, playing video games, etc was no big deal for kids because (1) I love tv and I was a kid once and I turned out fine, (2) I remember having no qualms about letting kids that I babysat watch tv and the big one ---> (3) I never had any reason to research the pros and cons of sitting in front of the tube for hours upon hours.

Now, Phase 2 - Pregnant with child #1 - All of a sudden I was ANTI-TV 1000%. I was reading all sorts of things about the horrible effects of television on children under 2 so of course, child #1 was not going to be watching any tv. (I will say that I didn't really start doing anything about this until I felt he was more aware of his surroundings - maybe around 4-5 months.) With child #1, he did not get to watch tv ever until around the time he turned 1. (Funny story though, he somehow started **miraculously** knowing who Elmo was...so I have always wondered who it was that let him watch Sesame Street...lol)

Phase 3 - See Phase 1, #1 above, specifically the first part. I remember thinking, "Well, he has to know who the Bernstein Bears are! I love the Bernstein Bears! Oh and Little Einsteins is educational! I want him to love music!" And so on and so forth... But I would still limit it to about 1 show every day or so. I also was not keen on other people letting him watch tv since I wouldn't have any say on the type of show it was. I was very intentional about what shows I would let child #1 watch. I wanted (and still do) the shows to be positive with good lessons built into the story line. Also if they were educational that was a big plus.

Phase 4 - Pregnant with child #2, husband is working A LOT and/or I need a shower... - TV has become somewhat of a babysitter, as much as I hate to admit it (seriously, I'm squirming in my chair...). When I need child #1 to be occupied consistently with almost no chance of him moving from his spot on the bed/couch, I put his favorite show on. I am still very intentional about what shows he watches and I try to make sure the messages are all positive but he admittedly watches way more tv then I ever thought he would at this age purely out of convenience. It's still limited to 1-2 shows/day or 1 movie on "special" occasions (special meaning any situation I need a little longer time to complete whatever it is I'm doing...). It's not that I feel like this is somehow making me a bad mother or he's going to have problems but I just want to set a standard of "high activity" in the house and not a standard of "laziness" where we are always sitting in front of the tv. Basically I want to create good habits.

Current Phase - Similar to Phase 4 but now child #2 probably gets more tv viewing in then her older brother did at her age. She's never really just sitting in front of the tv left to watch it and she certainly never watches tv alone (it's always because older brother is watching something). But I feel like overall we have come to a good place - not too extreme in either direction of the tv watching spectrum. We don't just leave the tv on with whatever show is on to let little eyes take in whatever the world has to offer. But we also don't prohibit any and all television which helps this mom get things done, like making dinner. And if I feel like child #1 is becoming too dependent on watching tv then I just leave it off for a few days and "reset his clock" so he's not asking to watch tv out of habit.

The electronics aspect was added to this post later only because I didn't feel it needed a seperate section. It closely relates to the tv watching in that it started out at 1, on a scale where 1 is not allowed at all, and has slowly moved up the scale to where it's at now which is about a 3-4. We let child #1 play on the iPad or my phone which has puzzle and coloring games on it. Again I try to limit this to an hour throughout the day, at most. If I feel like it is becoming a habit to just go to the iPad and play on there instead of choosing other toys or activities to play with, then I scale way back again to get out of the habit. I do notice that if child #1 has had to much tv/electronics time that his mood starts to suffer and he doesn't listen or behave as well. So that's my motivation to turn it off and get us all doing something active and engaging!

Diapering, Babywearing and Solid Foods - Rated as Not Even Thought About because...why???

I decided to cloth diaper when I was about 5-6 months pregnant with child #1. I also discovered babywearing, as in the use of wraps or other sorts of slings to "wear" a baby, when I was at the end of that pregnancy or right at the beginning of the newborn days. And solid foods was something I researched as I got further in my "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" book and it become more pertinent to life as we knew it. All of these things were decisions that were made almost instinctively - it just felt right. Cloth diapering made financial sense too. Being an accountant, it was kind of hard to ignore that. Babywearing was convenient and a way that I could keep my baby close when out and about and wanted to keep wandering, germy hands away. This was especially nice with child #2 who I had "out and about" much quicker than child #1. With child #1 I just did not like putting him down. Unless he was sound asleep after driving somewhere and looking quite comfy in his carseat, I liked holding him and since he became a fairly large baby quite quickly, this saved my arms when I was holding him at functions/parties. I did try to wear him once when I was walking every day but in that case, I found the stroller to be much more useful. I didn't like huffing and puffing next to the other moms who were otherwise enjoying their walk as they pushed their smooth gliding strollers. With child #2, she lived in the wrap for her earlier months and it was a heaven-sent blessing because I was running around after a 20 month old who needed constant attention and we often went outside to let loose the pent-up energy. As child #2 has gotten older, I've had less of a need for the wrap and will often put her in the stroller and let child #1 walk. Child #1 almost never goes in the stroller anymore but if we're in a situation that requires it, then I just put child #2 in a wrap. I never bought a double stroller.

Solid foods is something that is a little interesting. I assumed baby food bought in a jar was the way to go PK. Wouldn't have had any other reason to believe otherwise. Then I heard about making your own baby food so that became something I was a little interested in. Then I heard about BLW (baby led weaning) and, after attempting to feed child #1 purees, realized this was the way to go. Child #1 did not like purees and I found it to be a bit of an inconvenience. I mean, why go to all the hassle of either (1) making the food or (2) opening a jar only to have the kid spit it all out and not ingest any of it?? Didn't seem worth it to me. PLUS I was reading in "Womanly Art" that solids aren't even necessary for the first year of life so, whoop! there went my motivation right out the window!

Continuously over the first year of life, I had people that appeared to be quite concerned that I wasn't feeding my child. But I learned to just kind of brush off the comments because I knew that it was ok. He LOVED to nurse and was getting all the proper nourishment from breastmilk so I had no reason to worry. When he started trying to pick things up with his little fingers, I started giving him minuscule pieces of food. Now, I will say that I was always very nervous about this because having never done this before nor ever seeing this BLW thing done in person, I had no clue what I was doing. So I just scoured the internet forums that supported this type of thing and hoped and prayed that my child would never need the Heimlich. There were a few instances where I thought my child was surely dying (child #1 was a gagger) and I would curse the day that I ever heard of BLW but once we made it through those earlier days, I loved it. Sure it made quite the mess as he tried to feed himself but I feel like he's such a great eater because of it. And now with child #2, I worry almost never. I'm much more confident and adventurous in what foods and food portions I give her to try. (For the record, I thought she was going to be my puree-eater so I bought a HUGE GIANT box of organic baby food, yes... in jars... but she turned out to hate having anyone put anything in her mouth. She's very much an "I will do this myself thankyouverymuch" type of girl...so the box of jarred food is still in my pantry. But she is also an AMAZING eater, much better than older brother ever was at her age.) IF there is ever a child #3, I will not be buying any baby food, even if the child does love it, because I'm a firm believer in BLW now.

Crying and Sleeping Through the Night (as it relates to an infant less than a year old) - Rated Normal and Necessary PK

This is such a controversial topic among mothers these days but because of that I am addressing it here because I want my children to know how it was for me. And I want to remember how we parented since the years have a funny way of erasing details.

As soon as child #1 was born, there was no way I would have let him cry unnecessarily. If there was something I could do to keep him from crying I would do it. This practice is one of those that was developed purely from instinctual feelings. I feel like a crying infant always has a reason to cry. They're hungry, their clothes are uncomfortable, their tummy hurts, they need to feel secure in the arms of momma, etc etc etc. Crying is an infant's only method of communication and while we as adults may think that they are crying too much, think about how much we talk in any given day! An infant has to communicate somehow and crying is it. Because it felt right in my heart, I did whatever I could to keep the crying to a bare minimum. If I couldn't stop the crying then I would research the dickens out of it trying to figure out what else I could do to help my baby. That included cosleeping (see above, child #1 did not like to be alone!), holding for naps, letting babies nurse whenever they wanted to, and giving up on the notion that they would sleep through the night when I was ready for them to. I feel like it is my responsibility to make an infant's life as stress-free as possible. Children are people and deserve respect. And, yes, they are still children with undeveloped brains (albeit developing at exponential rates!) and they don't understand this world yet. So often when I get frustrated, I try to put myself in their shoes. How would this look to them since they don't know that I still exist even though I left the room? And that has helped me in my attempt for sensitivity and patience as I address their needs.

Now, given the above sentiment, I will say that I may have been extra ultra sensitive as a first time mom to child #1's every whimper and while I don't think it hurt him in anyway, I find that I am less likely to jump at the first sound of child #2 and tend to listen first to what type of cry it is. Child #2 also has a very different temperament and is verrrrry easygoing so I know that if she whimpers a little, she's probably not going to erupt into full scale emergency cry if she's not tended to immediately. And I have found that child #2 will even soothe herself oftentimes if given a few seconds. I still don't let her cry for more than a few minutes and I can usually discern when it is a "need something" cry as opposed to a "just trying to get comfortable" cry. And speaking of "types" of cries, interestingly enough, child #2 also has an "I just got my feelings hurt" cry which is a very high-pitched, shrill cry that makes you want to cover your ears. It has actually temporarily deafened me at times and I am not kidding. Child #1 never had a cry like that although he does have a "pouty lip, giant crocodile eyes" facial expression that does the trick so, once again, to each his own...whatever works! And they have definitely figured out what works!

So that's that...for now. I may have forgotten something and in that case, I'll be back for an epilogue!

Parenting Practices - Part 1

One of the things that no one really tells you before you have kids is how you will question everything you thought you ever knew. It's probably because those people know that whatever they say won't really matter until you have kids of your own. BUT before I had kids, I thought I would do things just. like. this.. 

and I would never do that, *covering your mouth so said parent of child performing heinous deeds can't read your lips*

oh yeah, and what your kid is doing??

Abominable...

until my kid does it every day...and then? Perfectly acceptable.

I am being a bit facetious but seriously, I don't think I'm alone. Even after one becomes a parent it's still pretty common to look at another mother and wonder "what the heck is she thinking??" but then, at least now, I know to quickly remind myself that she is doing what she feels is best and it probably is the best for her child.

That's another reason no one tells you about the great "brain transformation" that occurs after you have your own child -- every kid is different and requires special treatment uniquely suited to their needs, temperament, etc...

So yeah, surprise doesn't adequately describe what "former self" would feel if she were to fast forward to see what "current self" is doing on a daily basis. It makes me wonder what my children will be thinking before they have kids. Will they remember how they were raised? Will they have developed an "oh no she didn't!" mind-set about other parents only to find themselves doing the same thing a few years later? I want to be able to remind them how they were raised and how I, as their mother, used what may seem to be unpopular parenting practices in order to parent them in the best way I knew how.

Also before I get started on my list (which I decided to post as a two part series because the post became rather long), I have to also add that even in the 2.5 short years of parenting, I have already changed my mind about certain mothering "policies". Is that bad? Maybe to former self from 1.5 years ago, but to current self, no. It's about being flexible and adequately changing to the needs of your family.

The Players in this comedy called Parenting:

 The Parents

 

Child #1 aka Jayden Noah - 2.5 years old

 



Child #2 aka Ava Grace - 10 months old

(Photo taken at 9 months old)

 

So without further ado, my current parenting practices - PART 1:
(I will be rating each practice according to what former self felt about such practices PK [pre-kids])

Breastfeeding: Unrated as I hadn't really thought too much about it until I was pregnant with my first child. If anything I would say I would have rated it as "the normal thing to do".

I really can't remember thinking too much about breastfeeding PK other than to think, oh my gosh that woman is feeding her kid right there in the middle of all those people!!!!!!!!!! How uncomfortable...poor thing...

LOL!!

I mean to former self, it was less about feeding a kid and more about the "nudity" aspect. Like, "you better cover that up!" I do remember seeing someone nurse their walking toddler in the middle of the forest once when my family and I were out rock climbing and I just tried not to stare.

As far as nursing older babies/children, I would have definitely rated that a GINORMOUS NO.

Now...I would say to each their own.

For myself, although open to the idea of nursing as long as child #1 wanted to (that is, once I reached the 6-9 month mark, since before that it was a mental, and sometimes physical, challenge to even get to the 6 month mark), I became pregnant with child #2 when child #1 was 11 months old and could only stand it another 4 months before saying "Enough!" I couldn't handle the sensation anymore given the current state of my extremely sensitive everything...i.e. boobs, hormones, personal space...15 months was the end of my son's breastfeeding adventures. Child #2 is now 10 months and I want to at least make it to the 15 month mark so I don't feel that I've given her any less than her older brother and then we'll see how it goes after that. I do think about the fact that there are MANY people out there promoting breastfeeding to at least the age of 2 (current World Health Organization suggestion) but I look at my 2.5 year old and cannot imagine how I could possibly still be breastfeeding him. I mean, ew. I don't know if it would be different if I had never stopped but I can't even really wrap my head around that because all I can think about is "ew". That's just weird to me. (Note that it only became "ew" once I actually had a 2 year old myself who had not been breastfeeding for several months. AND that only applies to ME breastfeeding MY 2 year old. I don't think "ew" when I see other people breastfeeding THEIR 2 year old...or 3 year old. Seriously. I really feel like "to each their own".)

Co-sleeping: Rated a big NO-NO in my pre-children days

This next practice lends itself naturally to breastfeeding so makes a perfect second practice to discuss. Co-sleeping in our family started out as an "accident" but has become something that I am pretty passionate about. Initially it was a way to get. some. sleep. Something that I took for granted just days before my son was born, when my one and only all-nighter in college resulted in me sleeping the entire following day to catch up. Yeah, that doesn't happen once you have kids. So you find other ways to cope. For me, that was co-sleeping. Child #1 was not a good sleeper in terms of being able to (1) go to sleep on his own and (2) stay asleep on his own. So I found nursing him to sleep was easiest and he was often held while he slept. I loved that and everything I was reading was saying that was great. (Granted I was not reading books like "Babywise" or Dr. Ferber's book - the great "cry-it-out" advocate -- or any other books out there that said that you must teach a child to sleep on his own. One of the first books I read was "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" produced by La Leche League and I can probably thank them for all these "crunchy" tendencies that have since developed.) So when it came to nighttime sleeping, I couldn't very well hold him because I become rather limp when I sleep so the next natural step was to lay him next to me. He got to eat whenever he wanted to, I didn't have to get myself out of my oh-so-comfy bed to get him when he cried (which would have been all. night. long. since he didn't like being by himself) and I hardly had to wake up to attend to his nourishment needs.

So those were the early days, but since then...I have discovered other great benefits of co-sleeping...

(1) Breastfed babies thrive in the presence of their mother and the risk of SIDS goes waaaay down. The baby's breathing becomes regulated and they often wake more frequently which helps to avoid "failure to rouse" which is theorized to be linked to SIDS. (Failure to rouse is terminology used to describe a very deep sleep when it is difficult to wake the baby - almost like a coma.)
(2) When they make little noises and you're not sure if all is well, you can just peek an eye open and see yep, they're still breathing and go back to sleep.
(3)  When they puke in the middle of the night, you are right there to turn them over and make sure they don't choke. (Yes, this has happened and I was SO glad that we were right there to attend to his needs.)
(4) There is more time to bond with the baby especially when you work full-time, like I do! This one has always eased some of the mother guilt that I have from working full-time. (A mother is always measuring the minutes she spends with her children, as if there is some chart out there that says a certain amount of minutes spent with children equates to being a good vs bad mother...)

And those are just a few of the benefits, there is much more scientific evidence that I've discovered as well but those ones up there ^^^^ are the most important to me.

Part 2 of Parenting Practices will continue mañana...that's tomorrow...