Parenting Practices - Part 2

And so continues Part 2 of Parenting Practices that "former self" PK (pre-kids) would have raised her eyebrows in wonderment at...

TV Watching and Other Electronics: Rated No Big Deal PK

So this practice has developed in phases...

Phase 1 - Pre-pregnancy - I only know that I thought watching tv, playing video games, etc was no big deal for kids because (1) I love tv and I was a kid once and I turned out fine, (2) I remember having no qualms about letting kids that I babysat watch tv and the big one ---> (3) I never had any reason to research the pros and cons of sitting in front of the tube for hours upon hours.

Now, Phase 2 - Pregnant with child #1 - All of a sudden I was ANTI-TV 1000%. I was reading all sorts of things about the horrible effects of television on children under 2 so of course, child #1 was not going to be watching any tv. (I will say that I didn't really start doing anything about this until I felt he was more aware of his surroundings - maybe around 4-5 months.) With child #1, he did not get to watch tv ever until around the time he turned 1. (Funny story though, he somehow started **miraculously** knowing who Elmo was...so I have always wondered who it was that let him watch Sesame Street...lol)

Phase 3 - See Phase 1, #1 above, specifically the first part. I remember thinking, "Well, he has to know who the Bernstein Bears are! I love the Bernstein Bears! Oh and Little Einsteins is educational! I want him to love music!" And so on and so forth... But I would still limit it to about 1 show every day or so. I also was not keen on other people letting him watch tv since I wouldn't have any say on the type of show it was. I was very intentional about what shows I would let child #1 watch. I wanted (and still do) the shows to be positive with good lessons built into the story line. Also if they were educational that was a big plus.

Phase 4 - Pregnant with child #2, husband is working A LOT and/or I need a shower... - TV has become somewhat of a babysitter, as much as I hate to admit it (seriously, I'm squirming in my chair...). When I need child #1 to be occupied consistently with almost no chance of him moving from his spot on the bed/couch, I put his favorite show on. I am still very intentional about what shows he watches and I try to make sure the messages are all positive but he admittedly watches way more tv then I ever thought he would at this age purely out of convenience. It's still limited to 1-2 shows/day or 1 movie on "special" occasions (special meaning any situation I need a little longer time to complete whatever it is I'm doing...). It's not that I feel like this is somehow making me a bad mother or he's going to have problems but I just want to set a standard of "high activity" in the house and not a standard of "laziness" where we are always sitting in front of the tv. Basically I want to create good habits.

Current Phase - Similar to Phase 4 but now child #2 probably gets more tv viewing in then her older brother did at her age. She's never really just sitting in front of the tv left to watch it and she certainly never watches tv alone (it's always because older brother is watching something). But I feel like overall we have come to a good place - not too extreme in either direction of the tv watching spectrum. We don't just leave the tv on with whatever show is on to let little eyes take in whatever the world has to offer. But we also don't prohibit any and all television which helps this mom get things done, like making dinner. And if I feel like child #1 is becoming too dependent on watching tv then I just leave it off for a few days and "reset his clock" so he's not asking to watch tv out of habit.

The electronics aspect was added to this post later only because I didn't feel it needed a seperate section. It closely relates to the tv watching in that it started out at 1, on a scale where 1 is not allowed at all, and has slowly moved up the scale to where it's at now which is about a 3-4. We let child #1 play on the iPad or my phone which has puzzle and coloring games on it. Again I try to limit this to an hour throughout the day, at most. If I feel like it is becoming a habit to just go to the iPad and play on there instead of choosing other toys or activities to play with, then I scale way back again to get out of the habit. I do notice that if child #1 has had to much tv/electronics time that his mood starts to suffer and he doesn't listen or behave as well. So that's my motivation to turn it off and get us all doing something active and engaging!

Diapering, Babywearing and Solid Foods - Rated as Not Even Thought About because...why???

I decided to cloth diaper when I was about 5-6 months pregnant with child #1. I also discovered babywearing, as in the use of wraps or other sorts of slings to "wear" a baby, when I was at the end of that pregnancy or right at the beginning of the newborn days. And solid foods was something I researched as I got further in my "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" book and it become more pertinent to life as we knew it. All of these things were decisions that were made almost instinctively - it just felt right. Cloth diapering made financial sense too. Being an accountant, it was kind of hard to ignore that. Babywearing was convenient and a way that I could keep my baby close when out and about and wanted to keep wandering, germy hands away. This was especially nice with child #2 who I had "out and about" much quicker than child #1. With child #1 I just did not like putting him down. Unless he was sound asleep after driving somewhere and looking quite comfy in his carseat, I liked holding him and since he became a fairly large baby quite quickly, this saved my arms when I was holding him at functions/parties. I did try to wear him once when I was walking every day but in that case, I found the stroller to be much more useful. I didn't like huffing and puffing next to the other moms who were otherwise enjoying their walk as they pushed their smooth gliding strollers. With child #2, she lived in the wrap for her earlier months and it was a heaven-sent blessing because I was running around after a 20 month old who needed constant attention and we often went outside to let loose the pent-up energy. As child #2 has gotten older, I've had less of a need for the wrap and will often put her in the stroller and let child #1 walk. Child #1 almost never goes in the stroller anymore but if we're in a situation that requires it, then I just put child #2 in a wrap. I never bought a double stroller.

Solid foods is something that is a little interesting. I assumed baby food bought in a jar was the way to go PK. Wouldn't have had any other reason to believe otherwise. Then I heard about making your own baby food so that became something I was a little interested in. Then I heard about BLW (baby led weaning) and, after attempting to feed child #1 purees, realized this was the way to go. Child #1 did not like purees and I found it to be a bit of an inconvenience. I mean, why go to all the hassle of either (1) making the food or (2) opening a jar only to have the kid spit it all out and not ingest any of it?? Didn't seem worth it to me. PLUS I was reading in "Womanly Art" that solids aren't even necessary for the first year of life so, whoop! there went my motivation right out the window!

Continuously over the first year of life, I had people that appeared to be quite concerned that I wasn't feeding my child. But I learned to just kind of brush off the comments because I knew that it was ok. He LOVED to nurse and was getting all the proper nourishment from breastmilk so I had no reason to worry. When he started trying to pick things up with his little fingers, I started giving him minuscule pieces of food. Now, I will say that I was always very nervous about this because having never done this before nor ever seeing this BLW thing done in person, I had no clue what I was doing. So I just scoured the internet forums that supported this type of thing and hoped and prayed that my child would never need the Heimlich. There were a few instances where I thought my child was surely dying (child #1 was a gagger) and I would curse the day that I ever heard of BLW but once we made it through those earlier days, I loved it. Sure it made quite the mess as he tried to feed himself but I feel like he's such a great eater because of it. And now with child #2, I worry almost never. I'm much more confident and adventurous in what foods and food portions I give her to try. (For the record, I thought she was going to be my puree-eater so I bought a HUGE GIANT box of organic baby food, yes... in jars... but she turned out to hate having anyone put anything in her mouth. She's very much an "I will do this myself thankyouverymuch" type of girl...so the box of jarred food is still in my pantry. But she is also an AMAZING eater, much better than older brother ever was at her age.) IF there is ever a child #3, I will not be buying any baby food, even if the child does love it, because I'm a firm believer in BLW now.

Crying and Sleeping Through the Night (as it relates to an infant less than a year old) - Rated Normal and Necessary PK

This is such a controversial topic among mothers these days but because of that I am addressing it here because I want my children to know how it was for me. And I want to remember how we parented since the years have a funny way of erasing details.

As soon as child #1 was born, there was no way I would have let him cry unnecessarily. If there was something I could do to keep him from crying I would do it. This practice is one of those that was developed purely from instinctual feelings. I feel like a crying infant always has a reason to cry. They're hungry, their clothes are uncomfortable, their tummy hurts, they need to feel secure in the arms of momma, etc etc etc. Crying is an infant's only method of communication and while we as adults may think that they are crying too much, think about how much we talk in any given day! An infant has to communicate somehow and crying is it. Because it felt right in my heart, I did whatever I could to keep the crying to a bare minimum. If I couldn't stop the crying then I would research the dickens out of it trying to figure out what else I could do to help my baby. That included cosleeping (see above, child #1 did not like to be alone!), holding for naps, letting babies nurse whenever they wanted to, and giving up on the notion that they would sleep through the night when I was ready for them to. I feel like it is my responsibility to make an infant's life as stress-free as possible. Children are people and deserve respect. And, yes, they are still children with undeveloped brains (albeit developing at exponential rates!) and they don't understand this world yet. So often when I get frustrated, I try to put myself in their shoes. How would this look to them since they don't know that I still exist even though I left the room? And that has helped me in my attempt for sensitivity and patience as I address their needs.

Now, given the above sentiment, I will say that I may have been extra ultra sensitive as a first time mom to child #1's every whimper and while I don't think it hurt him in anyway, I find that I am less likely to jump at the first sound of child #2 and tend to listen first to what type of cry it is. Child #2 also has a very different temperament and is verrrrry easygoing so I know that if she whimpers a little, she's probably not going to erupt into full scale emergency cry if she's not tended to immediately. And I have found that child #2 will even soothe herself oftentimes if given a few seconds. I still don't let her cry for more than a few minutes and I can usually discern when it is a "need something" cry as opposed to a "just trying to get comfortable" cry. And speaking of "types" of cries, interestingly enough, child #2 also has an "I just got my feelings hurt" cry which is a very high-pitched, shrill cry that makes you want to cover your ears. It has actually temporarily deafened me at times and I am not kidding. Child #1 never had a cry like that although he does have a "pouty lip, giant crocodile eyes" facial expression that does the trick so, once again, to each his own...whatever works! And they have definitely figured out what works!

So that's that...for now. I may have forgotten something and in that case, I'll be back for an epilogue!

Parenting Practices - Part 1

One of the things that no one really tells you before you have kids is how you will question everything you thought you ever knew. It's probably because those people know that whatever they say won't really matter until you have kids of your own. BUT before I had kids, I thought I would do things just. like. this.. 

and I would never do that, *covering your mouth so said parent of child performing heinous deeds can't read your lips*

oh yeah, and what your kid is doing??

Abominable...

until my kid does it every day...and then? Perfectly acceptable.

I am being a bit facetious but seriously, I don't think I'm alone. Even after one becomes a parent it's still pretty common to look at another mother and wonder "what the heck is she thinking??" but then, at least now, I know to quickly remind myself that she is doing what she feels is best and it probably is the best for her child.

That's another reason no one tells you about the great "brain transformation" that occurs after you have your own child -- every kid is different and requires special treatment uniquely suited to their needs, temperament, etc...

So yeah, surprise doesn't adequately describe what "former self" would feel if she were to fast forward to see what "current self" is doing on a daily basis. It makes me wonder what my children will be thinking before they have kids. Will they remember how they were raised? Will they have developed an "oh no she didn't!" mind-set about other parents only to find themselves doing the same thing a few years later? I want to be able to remind them how they were raised and how I, as their mother, used what may seem to be unpopular parenting practices in order to parent them in the best way I knew how.

Also before I get started on my list (which I decided to post as a two part series because the post became rather long), I have to also add that even in the 2.5 short years of parenting, I have already changed my mind about certain mothering "policies". Is that bad? Maybe to former self from 1.5 years ago, but to current self, no. It's about being flexible and adequately changing to the needs of your family.

The Players in this comedy called Parenting:

 The Parents

 

Child #1 aka Jayden Noah - 2.5 years old

 



Child #2 aka Ava Grace - 10 months old

(Photo taken at 9 months old)

 

So without further ado, my current parenting practices - PART 1:
(I will be rating each practice according to what former self felt about such practices PK [pre-kids])

Breastfeeding: Unrated as I hadn't really thought too much about it until I was pregnant with my first child. If anything I would say I would have rated it as "the normal thing to do".

I really can't remember thinking too much about breastfeeding PK other than to think, oh my gosh that woman is feeding her kid right there in the middle of all those people!!!!!!!!!! How uncomfortable...poor thing...

LOL!!

I mean to former self, it was less about feeding a kid and more about the "nudity" aspect. Like, "you better cover that up!" I do remember seeing someone nurse their walking toddler in the middle of the forest once when my family and I were out rock climbing and I just tried not to stare.

As far as nursing older babies/children, I would have definitely rated that a GINORMOUS NO.

Now...I would say to each their own.

For myself, although open to the idea of nursing as long as child #1 wanted to (that is, once I reached the 6-9 month mark, since before that it was a mental, and sometimes physical, challenge to even get to the 6 month mark), I became pregnant with child #2 when child #1 was 11 months old and could only stand it another 4 months before saying "Enough!" I couldn't handle the sensation anymore given the current state of my extremely sensitive everything...i.e. boobs, hormones, personal space...15 months was the end of my son's breastfeeding adventures. Child #2 is now 10 months and I want to at least make it to the 15 month mark so I don't feel that I've given her any less than her older brother and then we'll see how it goes after that. I do think about the fact that there are MANY people out there promoting breastfeeding to at least the age of 2 (current World Health Organization suggestion) but I look at my 2.5 year old and cannot imagine how I could possibly still be breastfeeding him. I mean, ew. I don't know if it would be different if I had never stopped but I can't even really wrap my head around that because all I can think about is "ew". That's just weird to me. (Note that it only became "ew" once I actually had a 2 year old myself who had not been breastfeeding for several months. AND that only applies to ME breastfeeding MY 2 year old. I don't think "ew" when I see other people breastfeeding THEIR 2 year old...or 3 year old. Seriously. I really feel like "to each their own".)

Co-sleeping: Rated a big NO-NO in my pre-children days

This next practice lends itself naturally to breastfeeding so makes a perfect second practice to discuss. Co-sleeping in our family started out as an "accident" but has become something that I am pretty passionate about. Initially it was a way to get. some. sleep. Something that I took for granted just days before my son was born, when my one and only all-nighter in college resulted in me sleeping the entire following day to catch up. Yeah, that doesn't happen once you have kids. So you find other ways to cope. For me, that was co-sleeping. Child #1 was not a good sleeper in terms of being able to (1) go to sleep on his own and (2) stay asleep on his own. So I found nursing him to sleep was easiest and he was often held while he slept. I loved that and everything I was reading was saying that was great. (Granted I was not reading books like "Babywise" or Dr. Ferber's book - the great "cry-it-out" advocate -- or any other books out there that said that you must teach a child to sleep on his own. One of the first books I read was "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" produced by La Leche League and I can probably thank them for all these "crunchy" tendencies that have since developed.) So when it came to nighttime sleeping, I couldn't very well hold him because I become rather limp when I sleep so the next natural step was to lay him next to me. He got to eat whenever he wanted to, I didn't have to get myself out of my oh-so-comfy bed to get him when he cried (which would have been all. night. long. since he didn't like being by himself) and I hardly had to wake up to attend to his nourishment needs.

So those were the early days, but since then...I have discovered other great benefits of co-sleeping...

(1) Breastfed babies thrive in the presence of their mother and the risk of SIDS goes waaaay down. The baby's breathing becomes regulated and they often wake more frequently which helps to avoid "failure to rouse" which is theorized to be linked to SIDS. (Failure to rouse is terminology used to describe a very deep sleep when it is difficult to wake the baby - almost like a coma.)
(2) When they make little noises and you're not sure if all is well, you can just peek an eye open and see yep, they're still breathing and go back to sleep.
(3)  When they puke in the middle of the night, you are right there to turn them over and make sure they don't choke. (Yes, this has happened and I was SO glad that we were right there to attend to his needs.)
(4) There is more time to bond with the baby especially when you work full-time, like I do! This one has always eased some of the mother guilt that I have from working full-time. (A mother is always measuring the minutes she spends with her children, as if there is some chart out there that says a certain amount of minutes spent with children equates to being a good vs bad mother...)

And those are just a few of the benefits, there is much more scientific evidence that I've discovered as well but those ones up there ^^^^ are the most important to me.

Part 2 of Parenting Practices will continue mañana...that's tomorrow...

10 Months

My baby girl is 10 months old today! BOO HOOOOO!!! I am seriously very sad about how fast she is growing up because I LOVE having a baby in the house and it certainly doesn't help that she is the easiest baby in the whole wide world! Here are some updated stats on my sweet Ava Grace.

Teeth: 2.5
Ava has the two middle teeth on the bottom in and has for a couple of months but she is just now getting another tooth on the top right in the middle. I'm hoping they don't all take this long to come in because the teething has definitely bothered Ava more than it did for Jayden at this point. Poor baby will wake up crying and I just feel so bad for her!

Mobility: Speed crawler and starting to take steps with the assistance of furniture
Yesterday DJ told me that Ava pushed the kitchen chair from one side of the kitchen to the other which was a first!

Food: Lover of all things edible.
This girl can eat! I haven't found a food that Miss Ava won't eat and although she will have meals where she's not totally into her food, she usually will eat everything we put in front of her. I won't list everything that she's eaten but she has had multiple foods from all the food groups, with the exception of dairy. I have only given her plain greek yogurt once and she did eat that but it's so messy (because she feeds herself) that I haven't given it to her again. Unfortunately because she does gets so much solid food though, it has made her mildly constipated. :-( I have been trying to give her more fiber in the forms of whole grains and fruits and green veggies but it will probably just take time as her body gets used to these new foods. Thankfully it doesn't appear to bother her too much at this point.

Ava continues to refuse a bottle, which she has done since we returned from our Christmas vacation so her weekly nursing schedule goes like this:

8:00 am              Nurse before I take her and Jayden to daycare
12:00-12:30 pm  Nurse her at day care
4:30 - 5:00 pm    Nurse her when I pick her up
6:00 pm              Nurse once before bed
7:30 pm              Nurse to sleep
9:30 pm              Wakes to nurse, goes back to sleep
11:00 pm            Wakes to nurse, goes back to sleep
Will also usually nurse a few times during the night

This schedule may seem abnormal/inconvenient to some but since she doesn't take a bottle during the day and I want to make sure breastmilk continues to be her main form of nutrition at this point (as it should until she turns a year old), I'm ok with the night feedings.

Weight: (Last measurement was at her 9 month appointment) 20 lbs 6 oz.

Height: 28.75 inches
Surprisingly (or not so surprisingly I guess since Jayden was actually bigger), these measurements put her in the 90th percentile!

Sleep: Still a great sleeper!
Although there have been moments in time over the past 10 months where I've wondered if my luck has finally run out and my good sleeper is becoming a not-so-good sleeper, the phase always passes (so far) and my good little sleeper returns. One thing that I find funny/cute about Ava's sleeping habits is how much she rolls around in her sleep. She is all over the place!

Ava's naps have been interesting lately. For awhile over the past 2 weeks, I was thinking that she might be eliminating her morning nap as she was refusing to go down when she normally would in the mornings. But I'm very grateful that we seem to be back on schedule and she's taking two naps again although sometimes they can both be pretty short (around 30-45 minutes each).

Typically her daily sleep schedule goes like this:

7:00-7:30am    Wake up
10:00 am         First nap (Has been lasting anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours, usually depends on how well she sleeps the night before)
2:00-3:00 pm   Second nap (Again the length varies from anywhere from 30 minutes to 2.5 hours. Her afternoon nap usually is longer than her morning nap unless she's at daycare, then it's never longer than 45 minutes.)
7:00-7:30 pm   Bedtime (Although she goes to bed for the night at this point, she will usually wake up a couple of times to nurse before I go to bed around 11 pm.)

Clothes/Diapers: 12 months and size 4
Wellll, I never did get started on the cloth diapers for Ava. I have to admit that the whole finding-the-perfect-cleaning-routine intimidated me and I didn't want to deal with the diapers not absorbing properly because of our extremely hard water. I just felt like I finally found a good routine where I had time to do laundry, keep the house in order, make meals and spend time with my kids on top of fitting in 40+ hours of work and adding another element of diaper washing would overload the schedule. Now I just want to sell the diapers which means I need to prepare them for that... Disposable have been the best option especially considering the amount of time that Ava spends either at day care or my friend's house while I'm at work

We're phasing out the 9 month clothes because they are all becoming much too tight and stocking up on 12 month clothes. I'm not sure if we'll make it through the summer with just 12 month sizes or not. I'm hoping so because her weight gain has started to plateau but there's always the possibility of a growth spurt!


At the risk of sounding cliche and cheesy, I have to be honest. Ava continues to be such a ray of sunshine in every day to all of us. Even Jayden will randomly decide to give Ava hugs and kisses because I think he just loves having her around. Of course it's not always like that and he is learning to share his toys and be gentle with her but I am so proud of the way Jayden treats his sister. I am starting to think about her first birthday but am not wishing it to be any sooner than it is! I know better than ever at this point that these sweet baby days are such a blessing as the toddler years can be...more challenging...ahem...can you read between the lines there?? So, I am enjoying every moment to the fullest with my girl!!

"Twinkle, twinkle...T, U, V..."

I love this video so much. Jayden is so funny as he tries to sing "Twinkle Twinkle" and gets the words confused with the "ABC song". He was doing so many cute things that night and I didn't get it all on video but I'm glad I got this much!