Jayden's Birth Story - Part 2

It's about time I finish Jayden's birth story. He'll be 6 months old next week. This is getting ridiculous. Next time I am writing this all out within the week of the birth.

As a side note first though... I heard about a type of photography called birth photography where you hire someone to take pictures during your labor and the birth of your child. At first it totally sounds weird but the more I looked into it, the more I like it. I would want someone that I don't know (weird, I know, but things happen in the delivery room that I don't really care to share with those close to me, other than my husband of course. I'd rather just forget some things and those close to me may decide they need to remind me and then it's awkward and I can't look you in the eye and yeah... Anyway...), someone I don't know, someone who is a professional (obviously) and knows what they are doing (of course) and won't get in the way. I would want the person to be discreet. What I love most about it is that the photographer would capture things that I wouldn't necessarily know is going on at the time and we would get more pictures of our baby as a new newborn. Plus I can look back at the pictures later and remember that day to the fullest. I just like the idea. Something to think about for next time...

So I left off last time, click here if you haven't read Part 1, with Jayden headed to the nursery and me enduring horrific pain - part 2 of the delivery. People forget to tell you about what happens after the infamous part of delivery but it's not pretty. The nurses had to push on my now very flabby stomach to get the uterus to contract and it's just a horrible feeling all around. I'm not feeling like sharing the gruesome details is relevant at this point but to give you an idea, you could probably watch a war movie which contains a lot of blood and gore, aka Saving Private Ryan. Only there are no limbs flying off, thank goodness. I didn't realize it at the time but my mom told me later (both sets of parents were waiting out in the hall, which I also didn't know at the time) that they could hear me yelling. I told you, it was painful! It took about an hour or so before I was all stitched, contracted, delivered, etc and Jayden was breathing normally. And then, they finally brought my son back to me.

Here's where the photographer would have been oh so helpful. I can't even remember when I first saw my son for the second time. I do remember that he came in with a giant orange knitted hat on and DJ told me it was in honor of the Broncos that would be starting their game shortly. I thought that was sweet but honestly, the hat was ugly. I can say that now. It's ok. It was way too big and the color was just not fitting for a newborn baby boy. But like I said, it was very sweet that DJ was bonding with his new son and teaching him early on where his loyalties should lie.

Unfortunately, because it had been a good hour since his birth, Jayden was getting to the sleepy stage again. Newborns have a window of energy right after their born when breastfeeding is best. However, we missed that window. Needless to say, my first experience with breastfeeding was disheartening; Jayden was too tired. The nurse brought in a pump a little later and I attempted to pump a little colostrum (as in like 2 measly drops) which they then fed to him using a microscopic tube while he sucked on the nurse's pinkie finger. But the nurse said even that little bit of colostrum (which for those of you that don't know is the liquid gold before the actual milk comes in that contains a huge amount of nutrients and vitamins; it's all a little newborn baby needs when their first born. God is amazing like that - He created mothers to provide just the nutrients a baby needs just when they need it.) but anyway, the nurse said even that little bit was great. Newborns have a teeny little stomach and don't eat much initially anyway.

The rest of the evening was spent with me showering (that was heavenly), the new grandparents visiting, those darn nurses coming in to do more pushing on my sensitive tummy, more attempts at breastfeeding and finally a little bit of rest. DJ spent the night on a fold-out chair that they made into a little bed, Jayden slept in his cage, I mean, bassinet (DJ would slip up and say cage every now and then. It was funny; he was obviously used to taking care of a dog, not a baby.) and I tried to sleep in my bed propped every which way with pillows. I was very sore.

That night, around midnight, they decided it was a good time to give Jayden his first bath. I don't remember why they said midnight was a good time for that but I remember they had a reason for it. I thought it seemed a bit late. That would be his first and last immersion bath until his umbilical cord fell off 14 days later. I remember the nurse kept saying that it looked like he had already had a bath because he had been rubbed down so much when they were working on his breathing earlier. He had none of the white stuff that is normally present on a newborn's skin. I've actually read that whatever that white stuff is called (I can't remember right now) is actually a really good moisturizer and babies don't need to have that washed off. I figured for this first go around, I would just go with whatever the nurses wanted to do (to a certain extent). So they said to bathe him, ok.

We stayed in the hospital a couple of nights. We probably could have gone home the next day, but I wasn't quite ready. I just needed another day to wrap my head around what was going on. DJ went into work the next day so I tried to get some rest. My mom and dad came to sit with Jayden and I for a while and since I was still working on breastfeeding, I didn't want many other visitors. I can say that the whole hospital experience was not bad at all. I've since learned that the hospital in Laramie is unique and not like a lot of hospitals. They allowed me to do a lot of things that I've heard other hospitals have "policies" against. For example,

I wasn't forced to have an IV when I went into labor;

Jayden stayed in my room almost the entire time - with the exception of a couple of tests and one night where the nurse watched him in the nursery while DJ and I got a few hours of sleep - she had my expressed instructions that he was to come back as soon as he got hungry. I did not want him getting a bottle whatsoever;

the hospital was very pro-breastfeeding - I never once was recommended to supplement Jayden with anything when he wouldn't eat right away (and when my milk didn't come in for almost 5 days);

I wasn't discharged the next day and was allowed to stay an additional night; and

during my labor, I was allowed to walk the halls, get in the tub, eat, drink and pretty much do whatever I felt like doing.

The nurses were also AWESOME. There was only one nurse that wasn't the best of the best and she wasn't even that bad. I don't even remember what I didn't like about her but I remember thinking that I preferred my other nurses that I had seen previously. They were so kind and compassionate and understanding plus it didn't hurt that they said I was awesome during the delivery and DJ was awesome too. Flattery is always nice.

I look back on those first couple of days in the hospital with great fondness and nostalgia. Almost everything about Jayden's birth was perfect for a first-time delivery. And now I know exactly how I would want the next one to go.

A couple of other things I want to remember. We chose to forego the Hep B shot until his first appointment the following Monday. I wanted Jayden to avoid any unnecessary pain his first few hours of life. He did however have to get the Vitamin K shot and the heal prick. I wanted to forego those too but DJ and I didn't necessarily see eye to eye on that. We were also able to wait to perform other "boy" procedures until his 1 week visit.

As we were leaving the hospital, I remember it was a little surreal that we were leaving with a baby. But I was excited. I was ready for the journey and in fact, felt like I had prepared my whole life so far for that moment. I didn't always know I was going to be a mom but when I did realize that was what I was made to do and to be, I couldn't wait. Of course, I was nervous but I also knew I had to take it one day at a time.

Phoenix Pictures and Cloth Diaper Success

My mom sent me more pictures from our trip to Phoenix and I wanted to share a few. Jayden looks so big in these pictures!

Jayden got to spend some quality time with Grammy, his great-grandma Betty.

Note his adorable pair of jeans in this picture. They just barely fit over his diaper but I love them.

 I love the faces Jayden is making in these next couple of pictures. He's such a ham. Also, Papa has been told to wear a hat from now on when he works out in the hot Phoenix sun - his poor head is all sunburned from many hours getting their new house all in perfect shape. Obviously he doesn't need to be told to wear sunglasses too.

 I love this family photo.

Jayden spent some good outdoor time with Grampy, his great-grandpa Bryce. I thought Jayden looked especially big in this picture. My baby is growing too fast! In just a couple more weeks, he'll be half a year old.

In other news...

Jayden has worn a cloth diaper the last two nights with great success! No leaks! Hopefully we can phase out disposables completely now. So far the secret to overnight cloth diaper success is attributed to the new hemp inserts I just bought. They are super absorbent.

DJ installed the new diaper sprayer to the toilet in the downstairs bathroom over the weekend so we are one step closer to feeding Jayden solids! (FYI, the sprayer will remove the excess poo from the diapers once he starts eating solids.) I can't wait and I can wait. This whole parenting thing is a constant roller coaster of emotions. I'm proud of my son for being so healthy and excited for the milestones in his life but also a little melancholy that life is moving so fast. I swear I'm going to blink and he's going to be moving out. I cry so easily at commercials, TV shows, movies, etc, etc, etc that have to do with children and growing up or special moments between parents and their kids or you name it, I just get so darn teary-eyed by the simplest of things. Oh well. I love being a mom.

Books, Books and More Books!

I have a huge stack of books I'm trying to read right now. I feel like there's so much I want to learn about parenting and healthy living and marriage as well as just reading for a little escape that I'm never going to finish ANY of my books. But that's ok. I just read a little at a time each time I get an opportunity (like when I feed Jayden) and slowly but surely I'll get through them. Of course, it's inevitable that my stack will actually never diminish - I'll just keep adding to it. 

These are the books I'm currently interested in. Some I've started and some are in the queue ready to be started as soon as I can get to them.

These is My Words by Nancy E. Turner - This one was recommended by another blogger and it sounded like one that would be enjoyable to me. It's a true story about a woman in the late 1800s, early 1900s and her journey through the Arizona Territories. This is an "escape" book.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman - A highly recommended book for any married person. I'm excited to apply this to my marriage. I also want to read a sister book by this author The Five Love Languages of Children.

The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears - More and more I am coming to respect this author since his views on parenting are very much in line with my instincts of what I feel is right in parenting. Something that I heard recently keeps resonating with me and that is:

"A decision is good or bad according to how it is made. If you do your due diligence in informing yourself about an issue and then take a leap of faith, you have made a good decision, regardless of the outcome. What makes a decision good or bad has nothing to do with the outcome because the person making the decision cannot possibly know what the outcome will be and therefore cannot factor the outcome into the decision."

So I am taking that to heart and doing my due diligence when it comes to vaccines and whether or not to fully vaccinate Jayden. This a controversial issue for several reasons and I want to make a good decision for Jayden.

Positive Discipline A-Z: 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems by Jane Nelsen - I recently read about a parenting approach called grace-based parenting and again, this is something that just feels right. I am attempting to learn more so I can begin applying these concepts immediately.

The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby by William and Martha Sears (aka Dr. Sears) - I can't remember when I first heard about attachment parenting but I love it. It's a no-cry solution to parenting among other things. It revolves around the 7 B's - Bonding at Birth, Breastfeeding, Babywearing, Belief in the Language Value of the Baby's Cry, Beware of Baby Trainers and Balance. I've read a lot about these "B's" already but want to hear it straight from the source so to speak.

Mojo Mom by Amy Tiemann - This one was recently recommended to my by a new friend that I met at church. At first I didn't think there would be much to gain from this book but after reading the first couple of pages, I think there may be more here then I orginially thought. I can see this being an elightening book for many mothers.

Happy Baby - The Organic Guide to Baby's First 24 Months by Robert W. Sears MD (aka Dr. Sears) - This one caught my eye while I was browsing at Borders this weekend. It looked perfectly in line with what I intend to feed Jayden and I figured it would have some good ideas. PLUS I wanted to see what Dr. Sears had to say on the subject.

So as you can see I have a lot of reading to do. Are there any books that anyone thinks I might enjoy? I'm always open to suggestions!

We're Back, Boo Hoo

Usually I'm really glad to be back in my own home, with my own bed, with my own food, with own comfortable everything but not this time. I wasn't ready to leave hot, refreshing Arizona yet. I was having a great time and 2 days was just not enough. I spent those two days going, going, going just like I knew I would but I had hoped that somehow, magically, I would also have time to sit and savor the sunshine and read a little bit. That's my MOST favorite thing to do. Sit in the sunshine and read. Love it.

So I'm already trying to decide if there's any way possible to go back again before April when my parents and grandparents head back to South Dakota. It's more fun when there is someone to visit and not just go to go.

Here's what we did while we were there:

We arrived around noon on Friday and went out to lunch. Jayden was very tired because he didn't nap at all really on the trip and he fell asleep in Nana's arms during lunch. After lunch we headed right to my parent's new house. It's gorgeous. And cozy. And perfect for them.

Then we headed out to buy some jeans and a stroller. But we only made it as far as Babies R Us where we purchased Jayden some new clothes and a stroller. (We also made a quick stop at Walmart but thankfully, Jayden needed fed by then so I didn't have to go in. I really didn't want to enter the one and only store that I get WAY too much of in Laramie.)

It was my dad's birthday that day so my mom made him burgers for dinner and my grandparents came over to eat with us. 

On Saturday, my mom made a delicious breakfast of whole wheat walnut pancakes and LOTS of bacon. I did get to spend some time in the sun while I ate my breakfast. I wanted to buy some books at Borders so my mom, her friend, Nel, Jayden and I went there first.

DJ went with my dad to a car show. They also went to Best Buy and In & Out that day. Sounds like a perfect "DJ" day - those are his favorite places but none of them are where I particularly like to spend my time so that day worked out well. We both got to do things we had wanted to get in while we were in Phoenix.

After Borders, I had a hair appointment in downtown Mesa where I finally got my hair cut. I was feeling pretty shaggy so I got quite a few inches cut off and some new bangs! After the haircut we went to Scottsdale to a great natural baby store that I had looked up online called Zoolikins. I bought a new carrier for Jayden that will allow me to carry him on my back. We also made a very important stop at the new Sprinkles store that recently opened in Scottsdale. I had been wanting a Sprinkles cupcake since I first heard about their amazing red velvet cupcakes when I went to Los Angeles for a work training in 2007. It was just as good as I imagined it would be!

That night we went to Cheesecake Factory and had dinner. Again Jayden was so tired since his schedule was all messed up and he really didn't get to nap much except on car rides in between stops. So he fell asleep during dinner. And I got to enjoy a slice of Pineapple Upside Down Cheesecake after my dinner with a cup of cappuccino.

On Sunday, we all went to my grandparents' home to eat one of my favorite breakfasts, biscuits and gravy. DJ and I (and Jayden of course) then went to a church in Tempe that we had heard about. A singer that we really like used to be the music director (I believe) at that church and so we wanted to heard what it was like. It was a nice church and it did have great music.

After church we met up with my parents at the fantastic IKEA. (For the record, I think that should be the official name...The Fantastic IKEA. Because it is fantastic.) We spent a long time there and didn't even make it to the marketplace on the lower floor, which is just as well since I wouldn't have been able to buy everything (or anything for that matter) that I wanted. We carried on our luggage and had absolutely no extra room to spare. We spent the entire time walking around the showrooms upstairs getting ideas for a new entertainment center and rug and lighting and plants and bookshelves and and and....Yes, we did a lot of dreaming. An IKEA is supposed to be built in Denver soon; I will start praying for self control now.

That evening, DJ's cousin Jolene came to the house and ate fajitas and guacamole with us and I drank her delicious wine that she brought. We spent the evening catching up and introducing Jayden to her. And we sat out under the beautiful stars with the city lights as the backdrop. My parent's house is in the "country" away from streetlights and noise - I love it. It's so quiet and beautiful, both day and night.

The next morning we woke up before the sun and drove the sad drive to the airport. My mom got one last picture in with Jayden.

Jayden was such a trooper for being woken up at 5 in the a.m. He was grinning and sweet and then fell asleep on the way to the airport and didn't wake up again until we were about ready to board around 7:30.

And that was our trip. Fun-filled and too short but we're so glad we went. We, of course, got a few group pictures in (my hair is not looking its best in these pictures so...yeah.) I'll post more "candid" pictures later once I get them from my mom. These were taken at the home my grandparents are renting while they spend their winter in Phoenix.

I find Jayden's hair particularly amusing in this first photo.

And now Jayden is sick. Apparently a virus is going around and he may have caught it. He's coughing and sneezing and very congested. I sure hope he gets better soon because I hate when he's crying and I don't know what to do.

Diapering Discovery - A Bubble Boggler

Today has been an adventure with the cloth diapers for sure. I decided that I would try adding an extra rinse to the end of my 3 cycle diaper washing process that I currently had in place thinking that might take care of my leakage problem. I discovered the soap wasn't completely rinsing out so I thought one more rinse should take care of that problem. 

Extra rinse.

HA!

My extra rinse has turned into the following sequence of events:

• 2nd rinse (the extra rinse I speak of above...), I peek under the lid of the washer after the rinse had agitated a bit and I am floored at how many bubbles are still present in the water. At this point there should be absolutely no bubbles in the water. Any bubbles and that means there is still some soap in the water. Soap=buildup=pee leakage=frustrated momma.
• 3rd rinse, still a TON of bubbles. I march back to my computer and promptly order new detergent, specially made for hard water and cloth diapers. The Tide has to be the problem.
• 4th rinse, TONS of bubbles, simple rinsing wasn't cutting it.
• Another FULL complete cycle, sans detergent. I look again during the last rinse of the wash cycle and sure, there are probably a few less bubbles but in no way should there have been as many bubbles as there still are. I am thoroughly perplexed at this point.
• Another full cycle but on the light option since I figured an extra heavy option was probably overkill. Boy was I wrong. Still tons of bubbles. I am seriously wondering if someone (as in a little sneaky elf that must unbeknownst to me live in my washroom) is adding detergent to my rinses!
• 5th rinse, bubbles
• 6th rinse, definitely fewer bubbles. I'm thinking one more rinse will do it.
• 7th rinse, fling open the lid expecting clear water and what do I see? I see BUBBLES! I am so confused.
• I decide another full wash cycle on the extra heavy option with no detergent should surely take care of it. But really what can I be sure of at this point?? I forget to look at the water during the last rinse.
• 8th (and final??) rinse, still a few little bubbles but I have been washing diapers since 8:00 am this morning (it is now 3:30 pm) and this will just have to do. Hopefully my new detergent that should come in the mail very soon will take care of those last few bubbles. Ugh.

To say the least, I am AMAZED at how worthless my rinses were in my diaper washing process! No wonder the diapers weren't as soft as they were when I first bought them! No wonder they were leaking! It's just a miracle poor Jayden wasn't getting a rash from the soap that was still on the diapers after each wash.

Here's to hoping that the new detergent takes care of this problem. Otherwise we have a very expensive, and disappointing, problem on our hands.

Random Thoughts

• In three more days, we'll be leaving this subzero, blizzardy, windy, snowy little town for warm, sunny, relaxing, big city Phoenix. So ready.
• Our trip to Phoenix may not be all that relaxing considering the list of places I want to go while I'm there, i.e. hair cut, pedicure, Ikea, natural baby stores, Target and the list goes on.
• As a natural "pile-maker", I'm proud to say that I've been able to eliminate most piles in my house. My office is an exception. There are no fewer than 15 piles currently waiting to be given a home.
• For Lent, although I have never recognized Lent before, I have decided to acknowledge it this year by not eating meat on Fridays, taking part in a devotional with DJ and giving up Facebook. I'm excited.
• I have a big picture/wall hanging project going on right now but the cold weather has halted my progress. I found some great frames at a flea market but they need spray painted and the can of spray paint clearly states that it must be above 50* in order for there to be prime spray painting conditions. I guess my wall hanging project will be on hold till June.
• I'm having some issues with my cloth diapers right now. Sometimes they leak pee, sometimes poop shoots out the leg hole and yesterday, I was very surprised that we actually had a blowout up the back! (That's not supposed to happen with cloth diapers, actually, none of this is supposed to happen with cloth diapers.) So I'm trying to adjust my washing routine since I think that's where the problem lies. And I just found out that we have hard water. That adds an extra element of challenge.
• I'm looking to buy a new baby carrier that I can wear on my back. I love carrying Jayden when I can and a back carrier would make some situations a lot easier. I like the Ergos, Mei Tais and Beco Butterflies.
• I found a cookie jar at a second hand store that I went to this weekend. Last night I decided that my cookie jar needed cookies so I made oatmeal chocolate chip. But I forgot to adjust for the altitude so they're not very pretty to look at. There's some irony there.
• I haven't weighed myself lately but I can tell that I've lost more baby weight because my once tight fat jeans are now so loose that they're really not even comfortable to wear. Every movement I make sends them lower on my waist which brings to mind the now-famous song (thanks to American Idol) "Pants on the Ground". (Remember that one? Sing it with me now "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground". Yup, that's me!)
• And my last random thought that I will leave you with...today in movies, the chick flicks show women as strong and independent who are fiercely against depending on a man for anything but the movies directed at men still depict a good man as one who will fight for his woman and take care of her. There is something seriously wrong with this. Women are "told" not to depend on a man...be fierce! be independent! You can make your own way! And yet the man is supposed to fight for his woman, defend her till his last breath. Keep her safe! Bring home the bacon! Take care of your family! We are getting conflicting messages. It's interesting.

Love Letters - Two

Dear Jayden,

Last night we had another moment.

I decided to sing a little made-up song to you to try to get you ready for sleep. We were just laying on the bed, me and you, while Daddy was getting his stuff together for the next morning. When I finished my little song, you grabbed my finger and started sucking on my knuckle. And then, it was the sweetest thing, you started singing back to me. Well, humming really. I didn't realize it at first but you just kept humming away and making your sweet noises. You weren't really looking at me; it was like you were concentrating really hard to get the notes just right. It was the most adorable thing and I loved hearing you. I just laid there watching you for the longest time as you sang your song. I just hope you love hearing me as much. You finally hummed yourself into a half asleep, half awake state and then the moment was over.

That made my night, Jayden Noah. Thank you for the duet.

Your momma.

Jayden's Birth Story - Part 1

So I almost completely forgot that I wanted to write about the day Jayden was born! Oh my, I would have kicked myself later if I never wrote about it. Actually I am kicking myself because Jayden is 5 months old today! 5 months might as well be an eternity since my memory is not what it used to be but I'll do my best.

Also, let this be your warning that there may be more details here then you want to know and it's a long post. You're warned and now you may continue.

If you dare.

At 39 weeks I had my weekly appointment with Esther, my midwife, and I was 2 cm dilated and already 75% effaced, which in obstetrics terms means I was doing great! It often takes women a long time to get 75% effaced and I wasn't even in labor yet and already there (actually technically that is labor but since I wasn't having consistent contractions that were getting "longer, stronger and closer together", it wasn't active labor). I asked Esther when she thought I would have the baby and she said it could be that day or 2 more weeks! So really there was no way to tell. I was praying to God that it wouldn't be 2 more weeks. I had no intentions of being overdue. Also a concern of ours was that DJ would be out of town when I went into labor. My due date, September 7, was 3 days before DJ would head to Texas for the first away game. I really couldn't imagine what that would be like to have a less than a week old baby (or a baby that was due any minute!) and have my husband leave me. So we also discussed being induced during that appointment. If I was still pregnant the following week at my next appointment, that was probably the route we would take but it was not one that I was thrilled with. My intention was to have a completely drug-free birth and given that you have to start a a birth with drugs when you're induced and those drugs usually cause very hard painful contractions, that didn't sound promising. So my goal that week was to do everything I could to have that baby!

On September 1, I started noticing the Braxton Hicks contractions more and more frequently. That afternoon about 4:00 I decided to start timing them and making a note of the length and time between contractions. (That was weird. I remember thinking, I'm timing my contractions, which is what women do when they think they are going to have a baby. I MIGHT BE HAVING A BABY TODAY. I wasn't too sure I was up for it.) The contractions were 8 minutes apart so I texted DJ and told him that the contractions were more regular but they weren't painful yet. I didn't think he needed to come home from work. I was a little confused about the lack of pain since I thought when I went into labor, I WOULD KNOW because of the PAIN. No pain. So I thought surely this couldn't be the real thing. And yet, the contractions were getting longer, stronger and closer together. That was what they said to look for.

DJ came home from work and I started dinner. We didn't call our parents because I still wasn't sure if this was the real thing. I was still having consistent contractions but they still weren't hurting. I remember feeling like this was all so weird because I had never had a baby before and I didn't want to freak out about some little contractions that weren't even hurting. But they were getting slightly closer together and a little longer. I called Esther and told her what was happening but I said I didn't really know when I should go into the hospital because I was so confused by the lack of pain. Esther said to just continue monitoring the contractions and when they were about 5 minutes apart to come in. I figured, and I think she did to, that we would be headed in later that night.

However, we made it through the night. I remember waking up around 2 am and noticed that the contractions had started hurting a little but since nothing seemed urgent, I went back to sleep. I was really hoping to get a full night of sleep in before I had to exert my energy having this baby! I finally got up about 6 and took a shower. By 8, the contractions were 6 or less minutes apart and definitely hurting. I could still somewhat talk through a contraction but it wasn't something that I enjoyed. My body would tense up and I would just try to breath normally but I knew it was time. I just remember sitting on the couch with Maia and thinking "here we go!"

We got our things together, headed to the hospital and called our parents along the way. I remember feeling excited, a little nervous and ready. I was finally going to meet this baby that I had been growing for the past 39 weeks and 2 days!

Since we were going to the hospital during its normal operating hours, we were able to enter through normal admissions (as opposed to the night when we had the little scare when I was 36 weeks along and had to be admitted through the ER). Since the contractions weren't really that close (but close enough), again, it felt weird saying that I was there to have a baby. I mean, you always see on tv with the woman breathing really heavy and yelling that she's having a baby and someone rushes a wheelchair over to her. But in all reality, it was very calm. When I had a contraction while I was filling out paperwork, I just waited for it to pass and then continued what I was doing. Thankfully there wasn't much paperwork TO do since we had completed most of it that night we came in to the ER. And then a wheelchair did come and we made our way calmly to the room where I would labor and deliver. (I now know how great it is that we never had to leave the room we started in. I was able to make myself at home and not have to worry about being carted all over the place as I progressed through labor and then finally delivered the baby.)

At this point, time kind of moved in a blur and things progressed fairly quickly (for a first time mother). I changed into a gown, they hooked me up to some monitors to see how I was progressing and confirmed that I was, in fact, having contractions. And consistent, "good" ones they were. I remember being happy to hear that because I really didn't want to get sent home. In fact, the one time that they said I could go home and labor there since it seemed like the contractions weren't really getting much closer together (they stayed at 4 minutes apart for what seemed like a long time), I was quick to say no. If anything, that made me more determined to do everything I could to move things right along. I did NOT want to go home and have to wait any longer. Once they finished monitoring me, I declined having an IV or meds so I could do some walking. As I said before, my intentions were to have a drug-free birth so I knew I had to stay upright as much as possible to allow gravity to work its magic. I also declined a hep lock which would allow fluids to be quickly and easily administered but I knew that if I gave myself that "out" it may become too easy to take later on.

Esther was so great at giving me all sorts of ideas. When one thing seemed to stop working, she would suggest something else to help with the pain. First I walked the halls around and around and around, leaning on DJ anytime I would have a contraction. I have a feeling this was probably a little embarrassing for him and it would have been an embarassing situation for me too since I tend to be a bit shy about showing pain or being out of my comfort zone but I just buried my face in his neck and focused on breathing until the contraction ended and then we kept walking. I'm sure I looked a little funny and one of the nurses even commented that my gown was hanging funny in the back under my robe but I didn't really care. I was so afraid of the labor stopping or of it lasting forever that I was willing to do anything. And thankfully the floor wasn't all that busy at the moment.

When the walking got old and the contractions were getting stronger, we went back to the room and I tried sitting on an exercise ball. I really didn't care too much for that method. I tried it for a little while but I couldn't get in a comfortable enough position so Esther suggested using the bed and leaning over the bed when I would have a contraction. That worked for a long time and it seemed to work but again the contractions were getting even stronger and I started thinking that maybe I couldn't do this without drugs. At first, any time I mentioned pain or that I might need an epidural after all eventually, DJ was quick to offer going to get a nurse. Finally I told him that was not helping my goal of trying to have a natural birth and that I needed him to try to distract me or offer me other drug free options instead. He was so great after that and I couldn't have done it without him.

At one point Esther wanted to check how I was progressing so I got back into bed and let me tell you, that. was not. a pleasant. experience. It was so painful, worse than any of the contractions that I had been having, and it made me cry. So she promised she wouldn't check me again until I was ready to push and I don't think I would have let her anyway. I feel so bad for those poor women that get checked multiple times just for the doctor's sake or peace of mind or whatever. That was a horrible thing.

After we found out that I was about 6 or 7 cm dilated, I decided to get in the bath tub. I sat in the tub with the jets on for a good long while. That was a great place to labor and I would possibly consider a water birth the next time I have a baby because the water just makes you so weightless and relieves some of the pressure. Plus the warm water is very soothing.

After getting out of the tub, again time is a blur and I have no idea of any of the times for anything other then when we got to the hospital and when Jayden was born, but after getting out of the tub, I really didn't feel like walking anymore but I didn't want to lay down because I was afraid of labor slowing down so Esther suggested that I kneel backwards on the bed, when it was in an upright position, and hold on to the top and sink down on my heels each time I had a contraction. I would never have thought of doing any of this so I was so grateful she was there. Since we were fortunate that no one else was having a baby right then that needed her assistance, she was able to act as my doula as well. I will forever be so grateful to her. She was awesome!

At some point, I decided that I kind of felt like pushing but since this was an entirely new experience to me, I didn't know what that was supposed to feel like! I was so confused so I think part of the reason that I really didn't push all that long (only 45 minutes, which actually seems like a long time to me but since then, I have heard "horror" stories of pushing for HOURS) but anyway, I don't think I pushed very long because I started pushing before my body was fully ready. Obviously I'll know better for next time but this first time was a learning experience. At some point, my water broke. I believe it was right before Jayden's head appeared and then I remember seriously thinking that I was going to literally split apart. It's probably good that I'm writing this now and not right after he was born because at this point, I would have started going on and on about how incredibley horrible it was but now, I just remember knowing and thinking it was horrible but I don't actually remember vividly why it was so horrible, if that makes any sense. But anyway, I just know that once Jayden made his appearance, I was just so glad it was over. And thank God that the memory is biased and in this case, I only remember the good things.

Unfortunately there was some meconium in the amniotic fluid when my water finally broke, so they had to call Dr. Kleppinger (Dr. Klep), Jayden's doctor, who acts as the "neonatal care" since there is no neonatal unit at the Laramie hospital. As soon as Jayden was born they took him directly over to the warming bassinet and started working on him. I'm not sure of these details since I was still presently occupied, but I'm told they were cleaning out his mouth and trying to get him to cry. They brought him over to me for a minute and I remember looking at him and thinking, "ohhhhh. This is MY baby. But oh my gosh, I'm still in so much pain." Needless to say the euphoria of the moment did not make me forget that I still needed to deliver the placenta and be stitched up ( I had a small tear). I was still in quite a bit of pain.

I do remember however feeling so incredibly in love with DJ as soon as it was over. I really didn't think I would be weepy or dramatic about the moment and I didn't cry (DJ did which the nurses LOVED. They said they just love seeing a dad who is so into the moment and totally THERE with his wife.) But I was surprised at how close I felt to DJ. He was so fantastic through the whole delivery. He was everything I needed when I needed it and he always said the right things and I never once got mad at him. He will tell you though that at one point I attempted to strangle the life out of him. But this was completely unintentional I assure you. I was pushing with every fiber in my body and I guess I just tugged on him a little too hard at one point. I can't say I feel bad about it considering the circumstances. I was having a baby for goodness sake and I can't be held responsible for whatever I did to make it happen. (I tease of course.)

So they took Jayden to the nursery and DJ went with him. Meanwhile Esther finished up the process of delivering the placenta and giving me some stitches. Now this is the part where I was very misinformed. People have always told me and I've always seen on the birthing shows that this part is not supposed to hurt! I was supposed to be in this love-induced haze where I only had eyes for my newborn baby but hello! This was a painful hour! And I had no baby to at least partly distract me! And my husband was not there either! Definitely the second worst part of the whole process. I'd almost consider having an epidural the next time if only to just avoid all that pain afterwards.

I feel like I should probably stop here and continue later in Part 2 since this much of the story has taken me quite awhile to write and at this point, Jayden may be 6 months old before I finish. But I will finish Part 1 by saying that I am so glad that I was able to do the whole labor and delivery with no drugs whatsoever. Plus since I was good about drinking water the whole time, I didn't even need an IV. I really hope to do it the same way next time. I firmly believe that all the moving around that I did during labor helped with a natural delivery. And Esther was also a key component. I will never deliver with a doctor. I will always have a midwife. And maybe I'll even have other options next time like a water delivery. Oh and I would hope to never have to deliver without my husband there. Those three things made my delivery "magical". (I say that with quotation marks because really, delivery is anything but magical which evokes notions of fairy dust and warm fuzzy feelings. But it was magical in the sense that it is a miracle and a natural part of life that ends with the best reward a person could ever ask for.)