Parenting Practices - Part 2

And so continues Part 2 of Parenting Practices that "former self" PK (pre-kids) would have raised her eyebrows in wonderment at...

TV Watching and Other Electronics: Rated No Big Deal PK

So this practice has developed in phases...

Phase 1 - Pre-pregnancy - I only know that I thought watching tv, playing video games, etc was no big deal for kids because (1) I love tv and I was a kid once and I turned out fine, (2) I remember having no qualms about letting kids that I babysat watch tv and the big one ---> (3) I never had any reason to research the pros and cons of sitting in front of the tube for hours upon hours.

Now, Phase 2 - Pregnant with child #1 - All of a sudden I was ANTI-TV 1000%. I was reading all sorts of things about the horrible effects of television on children under 2 so of course, child #1 was not going to be watching any tv. (I will say that I didn't really start doing anything about this until I felt he was more aware of his surroundings - maybe around 4-5 months.) With child #1, he did not get to watch tv ever until around the time he turned 1. (Funny story though, he somehow started **miraculously** knowing who Elmo was...so I have always wondered who it was that let him watch Sesame Street...lol)

Phase 3 - See Phase 1, #1 above, specifically the first part. I remember thinking, "Well, he has to know who the Bernstein Bears are! I love the Bernstein Bears! Oh and Little Einsteins is educational! I want him to love music!" And so on and so forth... But I would still limit it to about 1 show every day or so. I also was not keen on other people letting him watch tv since I wouldn't have any say on the type of show it was. I was very intentional about what shows I would let child #1 watch. I wanted (and still do) the shows to be positive with good lessons built into the story line. Also if they were educational that was a big plus.

Phase 4 - Pregnant with child #2, husband is working A LOT and/or I need a shower... - TV has become somewhat of a babysitter, as much as I hate to admit it (seriously, I'm squirming in my chair...). When I need child #1 to be occupied consistently with almost no chance of him moving from his spot on the bed/couch, I put his favorite show on. I am still very intentional about what shows he watches and I try to make sure the messages are all positive but he admittedly watches way more tv then I ever thought he would at this age purely out of convenience. It's still limited to 1-2 shows/day or 1 movie on "special" occasions (special meaning any situation I need a little longer time to complete whatever it is I'm doing...). It's not that I feel like this is somehow making me a bad mother or he's going to have problems but I just want to set a standard of "high activity" in the house and not a standard of "laziness" where we are always sitting in front of the tv. Basically I want to create good habits.

Current Phase - Similar to Phase 4 but now child #2 probably gets more tv viewing in then her older brother did at her age. She's never really just sitting in front of the tv left to watch it and she certainly never watches tv alone (it's always because older brother is watching something). But I feel like overall we have come to a good place - not too extreme in either direction of the tv watching spectrum. We don't just leave the tv on with whatever show is on to let little eyes take in whatever the world has to offer. But we also don't prohibit any and all television which helps this mom get things done, like making dinner. And if I feel like child #1 is becoming too dependent on watching tv then I just leave it off for a few days and "reset his clock" so he's not asking to watch tv out of habit.

The electronics aspect was added to this post later only because I didn't feel it needed a seperate section. It closely relates to the tv watching in that it started out at 1, on a scale where 1 is not allowed at all, and has slowly moved up the scale to where it's at now which is about a 3-4. We let child #1 play on the iPad or my phone which has puzzle and coloring games on it. Again I try to limit this to an hour throughout the day, at most. If I feel like it is becoming a habit to just go to the iPad and play on there instead of choosing other toys or activities to play with, then I scale way back again to get out of the habit. I do notice that if child #1 has had to much tv/electronics time that his mood starts to suffer and he doesn't listen or behave as well. So that's my motivation to turn it off and get us all doing something active and engaging!

Diapering, Babywearing and Solid Foods - Rated as Not Even Thought About because...why???

I decided to cloth diaper when I was about 5-6 months pregnant with child #1. I also discovered babywearing, as in the use of wraps or other sorts of slings to "wear" a baby, when I was at the end of that pregnancy or right at the beginning of the newborn days. And solid foods was something I researched as I got further in my "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" book and it become more pertinent to life as we knew it. All of these things were decisions that were made almost instinctively - it just felt right. Cloth diapering made financial sense too. Being an accountant, it was kind of hard to ignore that. Babywearing was convenient and a way that I could keep my baby close when out and about and wanted to keep wandering, germy hands away. This was especially nice with child #2 who I had "out and about" much quicker than child #1. With child #1 I just did not like putting him down. Unless he was sound asleep after driving somewhere and looking quite comfy in his carseat, I liked holding him and since he became a fairly large baby quite quickly, this saved my arms when I was holding him at functions/parties. I did try to wear him once when I was walking every day but in that case, I found the stroller to be much more useful. I didn't like huffing and puffing next to the other moms who were otherwise enjoying their walk as they pushed their smooth gliding strollers. With child #2, she lived in the wrap for her earlier months and it was a heaven-sent blessing because I was running around after a 20 month old who needed constant attention and we often went outside to let loose the pent-up energy. As child #2 has gotten older, I've had less of a need for the wrap and will often put her in the stroller and let child #1 walk. Child #1 almost never goes in the stroller anymore but if we're in a situation that requires it, then I just put child #2 in a wrap. I never bought a double stroller.

Solid foods is something that is a little interesting. I assumed baby food bought in a jar was the way to go PK. Wouldn't have had any other reason to believe otherwise. Then I heard about making your own baby food so that became something I was a little interested in. Then I heard about BLW (baby led weaning) and, after attempting to feed child #1 purees, realized this was the way to go. Child #1 did not like purees and I found it to be a bit of an inconvenience. I mean, why go to all the hassle of either (1) making the food or (2) opening a jar only to have the kid spit it all out and not ingest any of it?? Didn't seem worth it to me. PLUS I was reading in "Womanly Art" that solids aren't even necessary for the first year of life so, whoop! there went my motivation right out the window!

Continuously over the first year of life, I had people that appeared to be quite concerned that I wasn't feeding my child. But I learned to just kind of brush off the comments because I knew that it was ok. He LOVED to nurse and was getting all the proper nourishment from breastmilk so I had no reason to worry. When he started trying to pick things up with his little fingers, I started giving him minuscule pieces of food. Now, I will say that I was always very nervous about this because having never done this before nor ever seeing this BLW thing done in person, I had no clue what I was doing. So I just scoured the internet forums that supported this type of thing and hoped and prayed that my child would never need the Heimlich. There were a few instances where I thought my child was surely dying (child #1 was a gagger) and I would curse the day that I ever heard of BLW but once we made it through those earlier days, I loved it. Sure it made quite the mess as he tried to feed himself but I feel like he's such a great eater because of it. And now with child #2, I worry almost never. I'm much more confident and adventurous in what foods and food portions I give her to try. (For the record, I thought she was going to be my puree-eater so I bought a HUGE GIANT box of organic baby food, yes... in jars... but she turned out to hate having anyone put anything in her mouth. She's very much an "I will do this myself thankyouverymuch" type of girl...so the box of jarred food is still in my pantry. But she is also an AMAZING eater, much better than older brother ever was at her age.) IF there is ever a child #3, I will not be buying any baby food, even if the child does love it, because I'm a firm believer in BLW now.

Crying and Sleeping Through the Night (as it relates to an infant less than a year old) - Rated Normal and Necessary PK

This is such a controversial topic among mothers these days but because of that I am addressing it here because I want my children to know how it was for me. And I want to remember how we parented since the years have a funny way of erasing details.

As soon as child #1 was born, there was no way I would have let him cry unnecessarily. If there was something I could do to keep him from crying I would do it. This practice is one of those that was developed purely from instinctual feelings. I feel like a crying infant always has a reason to cry. They're hungry, their clothes are uncomfortable, their tummy hurts, they need to feel secure in the arms of momma, etc etc etc. Crying is an infant's only method of communication and while we as adults may think that they are crying too much, think about how much we talk in any given day! An infant has to communicate somehow and crying is it. Because it felt right in my heart, I did whatever I could to keep the crying to a bare minimum. If I couldn't stop the crying then I would research the dickens out of it trying to figure out what else I could do to help my baby. That included cosleeping (see above, child #1 did not like to be alone!), holding for naps, letting babies nurse whenever they wanted to, and giving up on the notion that they would sleep through the night when I was ready for them to. I feel like it is my responsibility to make an infant's life as stress-free as possible. Children are people and deserve respect. And, yes, they are still children with undeveloped brains (albeit developing at exponential rates!) and they don't understand this world yet. So often when I get frustrated, I try to put myself in their shoes. How would this look to them since they don't know that I still exist even though I left the room? And that has helped me in my attempt for sensitivity and patience as I address their needs.

Now, given the above sentiment, I will say that I may have been extra ultra sensitive as a first time mom to child #1's every whimper and while I don't think it hurt him in anyway, I find that I am less likely to jump at the first sound of child #2 and tend to listen first to what type of cry it is. Child #2 also has a very different temperament and is verrrrry easygoing so I know that if she whimpers a little, she's probably not going to erupt into full scale emergency cry if she's not tended to immediately. And I have found that child #2 will even soothe herself oftentimes if given a few seconds. I still don't let her cry for more than a few minutes and I can usually discern when it is a "need something" cry as opposed to a "just trying to get comfortable" cry. And speaking of "types" of cries, interestingly enough, child #2 also has an "I just got my feelings hurt" cry which is a very high-pitched, shrill cry that makes you want to cover your ears. It has actually temporarily deafened me at times and I am not kidding. Child #1 never had a cry like that although he does have a "pouty lip, giant crocodile eyes" facial expression that does the trick so, once again, to each his own...whatever works! And they have definitely figured out what works!

So that's that...for now. I may have forgotten something and in that case, I'll be back for an epilogue!