Excuses? Maybe. But Here's the Reason for my Absence...

So I'll just go ahead and state the obvious here...it's been awhile since I last posted. At first I thought it was just because DJ and I haven't been doing much so I didn't feel there was much to write about; nothing was particularly exciting about spending a day at home. But as the days go by and I think about my blog, I realize the lack of posts was more of a reflection of how I was feeling.

This has been a hard winter for a couple of reasons. One, Knoxville is apparently seeing one of the coldest, wettest winters that they've had in a long time. For some, that might be great news because they are getting much needed moisture which they had been lacking due to a drought previously. However, for me, it was a reminder of how much my body, soul and mind desperately need the sun. I was reminded of my days in South Dakota when winter seemed to be never ending and I was again reminded of why, at that time, I so desperately wanted to move somewhere warm. While I was living in New Mexico, I would tell people just that when they asked me what brought me to New Mexico. I just wanted to get away from the cold and needed to be somewhere warmer because it got cold in South Dakota! But after awhile, those just became words and I soon forgot what a real winter really felt like. I have since been reminded. This winter has felt very much like those winters that I ran away from.

So because Knoxville is having a snowy, rainy, gray winter, I've been somewhat depressed. It may seem dramatic or odd to think that something as simple as sunshine could have such a powerful effect on a person but I realized that for me, sun and light are essential elements for my good health. I crave it. They actually have a name for what I have. It's called SAD - seasonal affective disorder. I realized I had this disorder when I moved to New Mexico. Every winter before New Mexico, I would feel down or blue or uninspired or unmotivated but I never connected it to the weather. I just knew I felt that way. But when I moved to New Mexico and there was sunshine almost every day regardless of how cold it got, I never felt the way I did in South Dakota. And then I heard of SAD and it made complete sense to me. After I realized how the weather affects me, I was always very hesitant to move anywhere that didn't get a good amount of sunshine. When we found out we were moving to Knoxville, that was one of the first things I looked at - what are the winters like? My research gave me averages and statistics on past winters and it didn't seem terrible plus it was the South! I never thought it got that cold in the South. Well, research can't yet predict the future so no one could tell me that this winter would be "not so average."

The other reasons this winter has been hard are simple. It gets longer and longer since I've seen friends and although family come to visit, it's only that, a visit. There are no family dinners to look forward to, no birthdays to attend, no parties to celebrate at, none of the activities that fill up one's calendar and make long winters a little more manageable. And due to the reasons already stated, I haven't been making much of an effort to make friends here. So it all just kind of adds up.

Alright so I say all of this to journal a reason for my absence. Today it's sunny and yesterday it was sunny and there have been birds chirping and I can't tell you how much lighter I feel and more hopeful and as you can see by the presence of this post, I've become inspired again. I feel the need to journal what's been going on with me since that's the reason for the existence of this blog. I want to be reminded of all the details of my life, even the not so fun ones. I know winter is not quite over yet but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel - spring is just around the corner! I made it through another long winter and soon, this winter will be just a memory.