Take a Walk in My Shoes

I've been thinking a lot lately on the topic of perspectives. How our perspectives change as we get older, how perspectives and the ability to see from other people's perspectives is a beneficial trait, how perspectives can affect our day to day life and make our lives better or worse - for some reason this has all been on my mind since well before the holidays and I'm just getting around to writing about it. I think I will do a series on this topic so I can get it all out of my head and "on paper."

We'll start with how our perspectives change as we grow from being a child to becoming an adult.

I don't think all people take the time to really think about this topic but it can be so helpful in so many ways. For me, I'm hoping that remembering what my perspectives to different situations were like as a child can help me be a better parent. If I can remember what it was like to be a kid, that can help me understand my children better and hopefully relate to them more on their level.

For example, I remember a lot of what I was thinking at certain stages in my childhood and how I perceived adults and how I acted toward them. I can distinctly remember my thoughts and how I WANTED to act but was either embarrassed or too shy to actually act. And I can remember how I wished the adult would act or say something to make my situation easier. I am guessing this is probably a more general realization and that many people could probably relate to this memory.

Something more personal to my childhood and probably not something everyone can relate to is how my individual personality affected what I did, didn't do, behaved and interacted with others. For one thing, I was very stubborn. I still am, which DJ would testify to in a heartbeat, but I've at least learned when to stop being stubborn, or at least I'm getting better, whereas when I was a kid I didn't know that I was really only shorting myself.

When I think back to all those instances where I vehemently refused to do anything I was asked or told to do, I realized that really those things would have been really fun for me or at least produced a sweet memory. Instead thinking about it leads to a lot of regrets. I definitely feel for my parents who had to deal with their ridiculously stubborn child and I think I understand a little better now how hard it was probably for them to know that I was doing that to myself. They wanted me to have fun experiences and I absolutely refused.

HOWEVER, I have decided there is an upside to this. Even though I do feel huge regret sometimes for being that way, I feel like I am probably destined to have as stubborn, if not more, of a child because that's just how it works, isn't it? What comes around, goes around. And I'm sure my parents repeated that mantra as a small comfort when I was stomping my 5 year old foot on the ground in defiance.

So where's the upside?

The upside is that when I have my stubborn defiant little girl (let's be honest, boys aren't near this bad...), I will at least have somewhat of an idea of what's going on in that little head. And hopefully I can use that to my advantage and in effect, use it to her advantage and hopefully she won't have as many regrets when she gets older. 

Let's get one thing straight here before I end my discourse.

I don't blame my parents for my stubbornness. Or any of my regrets.

They really did the best they could and I'm sure they used all the tricks of the trade but let's face it, I didn't get my stubbornness from them. They are both very NOT stubborn. In fact they are often quite reasonable. So they didn't really have the weapons in their arsenal to face off against the tempest that was Nichole Spring Nelson.

My hope is that I can keep those memories,even when life becomes more hectic, and remember to "go to the mattresses," er, maybe "go to the crib" would be more appropriate here, and not just "fight" blindly when the going gets tough and challenging. I don't ever want to give up and I think remembering that perspectives are different at all different ages can help me to be a really good parent.

So there's the upside. There's always an upside in life. It's all about perspective!