Rough Week but with Happy Parts!

This week has been crazy. But as always God gives us reasons to be joyful even when there is mourning. What a blessing that is!


On Tuesday we learned that, tragically, a child from Jayden's day care had died from a cold that turned into pneumonia that turned into sepsis. It all happened over the weekend. The news completely rocked my world because the child was 18 months old, just a few weeks older than Jayden. My heart is completely broken for the family and I don't even know who they are. The child was well loved by the day care because his family had been taking their older son there since he was only 6 weeks old. The daycare had also watched as the mom carried this child through pregnancy and then also welcomed him into the daycare family when he was a baby. It's such a heart wrenching thing to hear about a child that dies so young.


We also received some unfortunate, and also heartbreaking, news about friends of ours who have decided that they no longer want to be married. I've wondered before what it would be like when we learned of friends that were getting a divorce since, sadly, it is an all-too-recent occurrence in our society. I just didn't think it would happen to this couple, even though I don't know them well, I knew OF them and my perception was that something like this just wouldn't happen to them. So I also felt pretty rocked by that news, also received on Tuesday.


Lately the bad news has been more frequent than I am used to (cancer has also reared its ugly head in another friend who is the same age as DJ and I and she also has young children). The fact that this is not "typical" is a blessing in the fact that I have had so much GOOD in my life to be thankful for. But all this bad news has made me really think. At first, these situations completely consumed me and I couldn't think of much else. That really bothered me because I just couldn't seem to get past it and I knew that's not what God wanted for me. So I started thinking about who God is and it made me realize that even in the bad, He has not left us. These things happen and they are horrible and heartbreaking and senseless. But God is still God. And He WILL use this for good; that's His promise to us. "All things work together for good..." Even when a baby has died. Even when a seemingly strong marriage is broken. Even when cancer takes center stage. He uses even the bad for good. And that gave me hope again. It gave me the perspective I needed to get through this hard time. And although these things are not happening to me, if anything, this is proof that God is already using these situations for good. They have shown me more about the character of God and given me a great reminder that He is our Rock, our Shelter and our Hope. Even when nothing in life is making sense, God still brings order and hope.


So that was the "rough" part of the week but, as I mentioned, there have been happy parts too! Jayden has slept two full nights for the first time ever! And by full, I mean from about 7 pm to 6ish am. Amazing! Tuesday and Wednesday night he slept the whole night through without waking (fully) once. I say "fully" because he did make some noise a few times but he was able to put himself back to sleep without needing DJ or me to go in and comfort him. This is a HUGE deal and I hope we have finally turned a corner. This is a much needed reward after working with Jayden for many, many weeks now. Another positive is that he is getting much better about going to bed. DJ still has the best success and is able to actually sit out in the hall before Jayden is even sleeping. Also the time it takes for Jayden to settle down and fall asleep is down to about 30 minutes (it only took 20 minutes on Tuesday!). Yay! We couldn't be more thrilled and we hope it continues!


Another happy part is that Ava seems to be growing in leaps and bounds...literally. Her movements are so distinct now and I love love love it every time I feel her move her arms and legs. I am SO excited to meet her in less than 3 short months! I have been feeling good for the most part which I attribute to my attempts at working out fairly consistently. Now if I could just curb my appetite... Nevertheless I hope to find out at my appointment next week that I am still keeping my weight down. I will also have my glucose test done. I'll keep you posted!

Picture (+ Video) Post

I realized that I had several pictures on my phone that I hadn't shared yet so I thought I'd make into one post about daily life around here. There's also one hard-to-see video at the end but I figured I'd still include it since it just shows Jayden messing around. Enjoy!

 We've all agreed that pink is not Jayden's color. And just to be clear, this was not my doing. Daycare apparently felt this was an appropriate change of clothes for our sweet B-O-Y when he had a blowout one day. (And yes, I did have a change of clothes for him but the person in the room at the time was a substitute so I guess he didn't know that.) I thought it was hilarious; DJ did not.

 Jayden looooves to play with the syringes that come in the boxes with the ibuprofen. These can be found all over the house and in the car. I also want to point out how cute his outfit is; I think he looks like such a little stud. It's been fun putting him in "real" outfits these days since everything is fitting so well on him right now.

 I think I see a little piece of heaven every time Jayden smiles. His smiles are the best.

 Now, THIS face... this has mischievous written all over it. The way he is kind of looking upwards with a smirk. Yes, I see that more and more these days. I would pay lots of money to know what he is thinking here.

 I got my hair colored. Unfortunately, as you can see from these pictures, it looks the same. Boo. I was hoping for a bit darker but I do think that "in real life" my hair looks more vibrant and not as dull as before, which is partly why I got it colored in the first place. It was looking so blah. I really tried not to play it too safe but apparently, I need to try harder next time to get an actual change.

 Ahh, so sweet. DJ has had more opportunities lately to really bond with Jayden as we work on sleeping. I love that they are forming such a special bond, especially because momma is about to get a lot busier in about 3 months.

Obviously, here's why. I am now 26 weeks along and starting to enter the uncomfortable stage. Amazing how quick the cute, uncomfortable stage of pregnancy goes by. I finally get energy back and I was really enjoying that but I was having too much fun apparently because time has flown! I have less than 100 days to go and honestly, not looking forward to it as I am starting to get reminded of what those days are going to feel like. Read: hurting ribs, sore back, tender hips... I'm so glad there's a happy ending to that though!

And this is a a video of last night right after we turned off the lights (it's sideways, by the way) and we're trying to encourage Jayden to get into bed. I especially like the part where he realizes I'm filming him. Big smile. At the very end, you can hear him ask for water. It sounds like "GAgoo". So obvious right?? Ha ha

Happy Valentine's Day

We don't really "celebrate" Valentine's Day around here; honestly, I just see it as another way for stores to get our money and to commercialize yet another aspect of life that doesn't need so much commercializing. Does Valentine's Day even stand for love anymore? Or is it really just a day of attempting to meet expectations or trying to erase the feeling that everyone but you has "someone special" or even worse, an excuse to buy candy?? I just have a problem with all of that. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with Valentine's Day; in fact, I think it is a good day to remind us what love really is. I just have a problem with what our society has made of it.

The Bible says a lot about love. Out of curiousity, I did a quick search and the word is mentioned 500 times in the New King James version. That's a lot; it must be important. The verse that comes quickest to mind for me though is this one:

I Corinthians 13:13

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 

God said those words. He said that love is the greatest. But how often do we use that word to relay a simple meaning such as "I love pancakes" or "I love that book" or "I love dark chocolate hearts with caramel filling with a little sea salt sprinkled on top"? What??? You've never said that? Well, admittedly I have overused the word and you've probably said something similar, if you're being honest. But in all reality does that compare to this:

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Do I love pancakes so much that I would die for them? Um, no. I may like them a LOT (and crave them constantly, even when I'm not pregnant and eat way too many of them when I do eat them) but my "love" for pancakes is nowhere close to the love that God has for each one of us. When God talks about love, it's highly significant. I've never read a verse where he talks about loving inanimate objects; he loves people. He even talks about loving our enemies, which is a bold step for most of us. That's not an easy one. 

I guess this may come across has sounding kind of "bah humbugish" and perhaps like I have something against Valentine's Day but I don't really intend it to be that way. I do get fed up with the way we tend to let commercialization run our lives sometimes (that may be one reason that Thanksgiving becomes my new favorite holiday...stores haven't yet figured out a way to convince us to start swapping gifts that day). But maybe more than anything this day should just serve as a reminder that LOVE is the greatest. This day, instead of bringing us down as it may for some or making us feel that we have to do something to stay out of the ubiquitous doghouse, instead, can re-focus us on the One that loves us so much that he actually gave His son to die in our place. And it can remind us to love those around us on a daily basis, whether in big ways or simple small ways. AND it can remind us that love is not reserved only for those that are easy to love, it is also necessary and required to love on those people that make it difficult.

So Happy Valentine's Day! I do hope that today is special for each and every one of you but not because you got great chocolates or really pretty roses, but because you chose to love in a different way, in a way that God intended.

I John 4:7-11, 20-21

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

(In full disclosure, I spent some money this year on cards and candy. I'm not sorry I bought that stuff but I am sorry that I did it only because it was Valentine's Day. This year, Valentine's Day for me IS a reminder that every day should be treated special so this sort of jumpstarted a new beginning.

Also I want to add that I know that some people really enjoy getting gifts and it means just as much to them as spending time with those I love means to me. Everyone has their "love language" and I respect that. There is nothing wrong with gifts; it's just the intentions or the reason behind the gift giving that started this post.)

Sleep Consultant Update

We are on our 7th night of using the sleep schedule that the sleep consultant recommended to us. I'm happy to say that we are seeing some results and, although I don't know if it can be entirely contributed to the sleep consultant because we were starting to see some small improvements before we started the plan, I will say that I have been very happy so far with the consultant. The sleep plan that she sent us was a 24 page packet containing all sorts of good information from recommendations for sleep tools such as toddler clocks and sleep lights to a detailed recommendation of how to handle bed times, night wakings and naps to a day-by-day plan of how to put it all into action. And it was all very specific to Jayden and the information that I had provided to the consultant. If anything the plan has given me some peace of mind that what we were doing was the right thing even if Jayden was giving us all sorts of pushback and also helped us tweak some of the things that we were doing so we could actually start to see some progress.


The first 6 nights we have been working solely on bed times. Working on night wakings and naps will come later once we have established good bedtime habits. The main change was putting Jayden to bed earlier. This has been a little difficult because now our evening schedule looks like this:


5:00 pm     Pick up Jayden from day care
5:30          Feed Jayden dinner 
6:00 - 6:15 Head upstairs to start the bed time routine of reading books, putting on PJs and saying night-night to all his stuffed animals
6:30          Lights out
7:30          Jayden is usually asleep by this point


So now I have to make sure to start dinner before I go get Jayden from daycare so it's mostly ready to go once we get home and we had to eliminate the bath at night because there was simply not enough time. We now do the bath in the morning which has turned out quite well actually. He seems to enjoy the bath much more and we aren't near as rushed to get it in (I tried it the first night and it was a disaster - he screamed the entire time I was trying to wash him. Not fun.)


The main reason for putting him to bed earlier though was because the consultant thought it sounded like Jayden may be overtired, which can actually have an opposite effect of causing him to wake up more frequently at night. Not only have we seen some improvement of night wakings (sort of) but it really has seemed to make Jayden a happier little boy during the daytime. I am so happy that if anything he is more pleasant to be around during his awake hours since that time with him is so short during the week.


The other thing that we have changed is putting him on his bed awake, as opposed to rocking him completely asleep, and making sure that he falls asleep without our assistance, such as patting or rubbing his back. For the most part this has worked fairly well but DJ seems to have much better luck at the moment with getting him to calm down and actually go to sleep. He still seems to get pretty worked up with me and we often dealt with screaming and crying sessions before he would finally lay down on his bed for me. That is not fun and I would get frustrated and then get frustrated for getting frustrated. It's a vicious cycle but I am learning that this is a lesson in patience and parenting in general. (I could do a whole other post on what I'm learning about being parent through this sleep struggle.)


The next few nights we are adding a step to the bed time routine. Now, once we lay him down and tell him good night, we then start creating more and more distance between us and him each night. The goal is to actually put him to bed awake, leave the room, and he will fall asleep completely on his own. For a lot of parents this will seem like a no-brainer. For us, this will seem like a miracle, if it ever happens. The idea is so foreign to us that DJ had to ask me if I was serious when I was reading that part to him. So funny but I look forward to that day!


So all in all after 6 full weeks of this struggle, things are looking up. We still aren't getting a whole lot of sleep but at least Jayden is happier and we have a plan. I am hoping that by the time I go to Washington DC on a business trip (and leave Jayden with DJ for a full 6 days) at the end of March, this sleep struggle will be a memory and Jayden will be doing really well going to bed on his own, sleeping through the night and taking great naps!

Love Letters - To my Daughter

Dear Ava,


I started writing these love letters of sorts to your brother when he was already born but I thought starting before you were born would be a good idea too!


You are so wanted. Your daddy and I have wanted a baby girl for so long and now that we have spent 17 months with your brother, we know that a baby sister will be good for him too. (By the way, you will soon find out how lucky you are to have a big brother like Jayden. He will pour on the sweetness and you will never feel so loved. He's a sweetheart like that.) I hope you will always know and feel secure in the fact that you are needed and wanted in this family.


This pregnancy has been different because I can actually picture you as you roll around in my tummy. I had a hard time doing that with your brother since I had never been pregnant before. I love imagining your little hands as they push on my stomach and it makes it a little easier to persevere through the many bathroom breaks I have to make throughout the day and into the night when I imagine your precious little feet that are doing the kicking against my bladder. Imagining the sweet little baby that you are already just 26 weeks into this pregnancy has made the anticipation of meeting you so much fun. I absolutely cannot wait to hold you in 100 days (or whenever you decide to arrive)!


I know that having a daughter will be so much different than having a son and while I am intimidated by the challenge, I know that God will make a way for us. He will lead us both through this adventure and I hope that I can do a good enough job that one day, when we have made it through the child/parenting days, you will call me your friend.


I have to admit to you that, while I will be ok if you decide that you are completely offended by anything frilly or pink or girly (I went through a stage like that as a girl), I am very much looking forward to doing your hair and dressing you up and having girl time with you. I want you to know that it's ok to like those girly things and you should be proud of your femininity. I think about how I will encourage you as you grow up and I think this is an important one because you will often hear how men and women are equal and women can do anything a man can do but the truth is that God made each of us unique and with special qualities and I hope to bring to light those things that are special about you because you are a girl and one day, a woman.


Another exciting aspect that I am looking forward to is the relationship that you will have with your dad. Dads are really important in a girl's life and your dad is up to the task, let me tell you. He will fiercely protect you against life's scary parts and do his best to be the #1 man in your life until you meet the one that God has for you in a husband. I have no doubt that you are going to think your dad is the coolest, most handsome, most fun man in your life and I look forward to watching your eyes light up when he comes into the room (much like your brother's do now I imagine).


So only a short while to go, my girl, and soon you will be in my arms and meeting your brother and your daddy. There's also a bunch of grandparents and  some uncles that are anticipating your arrival. You will never know as much love as when all your grandparents get together and dote on you. You will think you have hit the jackpot!


I love you so much already Ava Grace!


Your momma

Motivation, oh, there you are!

It was kind of like playing Hide-and-Seek. I posted about needing some motivation tips and I gained some valuable feedback from that post as well as from myself as I thought of things that could help me through my "slump". It seems I just wasn't looking in the right place for my motivation. 


That's the key isn't it? Finding what motivates you? 


Usually I am kept motivated by deadlines but in the absence of deadlines, I was somewhat at a loss. I also realized that although I may think I'm not getting much done, I have set the bar very high for myself. I don't say that to pat myself on the back; it's just a fact of my personality. I do accomplish tasks every day both for my job and my family but sometimes I don't meet my expectations. I suppose that's what makes me a good employee and a good mother/wife. If I give myself lofty goals then even if I don't get them all accomplished on a day-to-day or week-to-week basis, I am still doing something. So that was encouragement in and of itself, just realizing and knowing that I'm not really a bum. 


I thought' I'd share some of the things that I am finding are helping me boost that energy/motivation level a bit. It's only fair since I asked you for your input!

• Listening to worship music: This is a big one for me because nothing can make you more focused on the ultimate goal then listening to music that glorifies God and puts the focus on Him, rather than myself. It doesn't always work to motivate me and sometimes I just need to listen to some good upbeat rock music but today this is doing the trick quite well.
• Focusing on God's tips for staying motivated: My dad was thoughtful enough to share some excellent verses from Proverbs with me. God has a lot to say about laziness and it's good to remember why we need to stay focused and on task. Basically laziness results in nothing good so if nothing else, be motivated not to become poor and a slave!
• Getting enough rest: I realized that my energy level is probably lacking severely largely due to the fact that I wake up several times in the night either because I'm uncomfortable from being pregnant or because Jayden needs put back to sleep. Also I have a cough right now that keeps me up all hours of the night so once I can take care of these issues, I think a lot of my energy will return. (The pregnancy related one will only get worse before it gets better unfortunately but that's only temporary! Then I can replace it with a newborn!)
• Eating better: I have a serious candy craving/problem. And I have been eating candy lately like it's about to become extinct so I also think that the lack of nutrition has contributed to my sluggish feeling. This is an easy fix and I intend to up my veggie intake! That, and drink lots and lots of water!
• Taking frequent breaks to keep my blood moving and energy level up
• Giving myself rewards every time I finish a big task, whether it's an actual reward or just an opportunity to get up out of my chair and go do a housework task
• Seeking encouragement from family and friends

I'm still open to more suggestions and to hear what works for you so keep the ideas coming! It definitely helps to hear from other people and if anything, it gets my mind in the right place and I don't become complacent. But as Proverbs 14:23 wisely states "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty." So I know that I can't just sit here blogging about motivation, I actually need to put it into action!

Motivation, where art thou?

I am having a serious motivation issue. I work from home which is great most of the time. But there are days like today where (1) it is L-O-N-E-L-Y and (2) there is nothing to keep me accountable. No partners walking by, no managers stopping by my desk to make requests, no nada... And I can think of a million other things I would rather be doing while at home right now then doing the same mundane tasks that I do every two weeks in my job. Sometimes this job is just. so. boring. Don't take that the wrong way. I am GRATEFUL for this job every day and am so appreciative of my company for allowing me to work from home in the middle of nowhere and the partners I work for trust me implicitly to get my work done to the best of my ability. But oh. my. gosh. Today (and the last few weeks of days) have been rough because it is a slow time of year and the deadlines are much easier to meet and there is just not much to motivate me.


I thought I'd see if any of you that actually read this blog had any suggestions that work for you when you are lacking motivation to get the work done that needs done. I need suggestions! This is a time when Facebook would come in handy but I'm not on Facebook anymore and I don't think I want to start that again. Especially for a motivation problem. I'm pretty sure that would only compound the problem. So help me out people! Convince me that I'm not just talking to myself here. And I KNOW I'm not the only one that is having/has had/will have this issue.


So...


Anyone? 


(This would be a great time to learn how to leave a comment on my blog! Just type your great suggestion in the COMMENT box below, choose "Name/URL" from the dropdown box, type in your name and hit publish. It's so easy and I would really appreciate the input. Remember, I live in the middle of nowhere. I see no one but my husband and child for days on end. I'm not a big fan of long conversations on the telephone. So this blog is feeling a little like a lifeline right now. Give me some love.)